


Miles To Go Before I Sleep

by WickedWitchoftheWilds



Series: Project Olympus [1]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst and Feels, Eventual Romance, F/M, Genetic Engineering, Genetically Engineered Beings, Human Experimentation, M/M, Memory Loss, Multi, Science Experiments, Slow Burn, archery in space, nanotech, relationships tbd - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2018-10-22 03:35:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10688940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedWitchoftheWilds/pseuds/WickedWitchoftheWilds
Summary: Emma is an illegal experiment that was saved by Commander Shepard and Alec Ryder as a child. Regarded as dangerous for most of her life, she jumped at the chance to travel to another galaxy and live a life fighting beside the one who saved her.  With Alec dead and Emma left alone to battle her own demons, will she find a home among the Tempest crew?





	1. Wrong Person

Emma dreamed. It wasn’t a full-fledged dream. More or less snippets of her life. Things she would have expected to see right before she died. The 8X8 cell she lived her childhood in, the memories from before gone. Lab suits and cold needles and pain that burned through her like fire. Her anger, loud and destructive, crushing bones and stealing life. These were the memories she wanted to forget. All the memories before kind eyes, green and blue. Hands outstretched to grasp her own and pull her from the dark.

Alec Ryder and Grace Shepard. They saved her and gave her the sun.

A sharp kick to her foot caused her to jolt upright, her hand grasping her pistol out of habit.

“Relax kid. What are you going to do shoot me?”

Emma relaxed slightly as her large Krogan friend plopped down on the bench beside her, not caring for the structural integrity of it.

“I just might you crotchety old bastard.”

Emma propped her foot up on the edge of the table and leaned back, trying her best to ignore the array of empty cups that littered the surface. A glowing testament to how drunk she had been…again. Hedrak threw his head back (if Krogan even can) and laughed, drawing a glare from the Asari dancing in the cage closest to them. Emma raised her hand in apology to only be awarded another glare.

“What did you do to piss off Jera?” She asked.

“I exist.” Hedrak took a shot after speaking.

“I suppose that would piss anyone off.” She scrubbed her hand down her face, trying to rid herself of the last traces of sleep.

“Yet you’re still here.”

“Where the hell else am I going to go?”

“True shit.”

They lapsed into comfortable silence. Their friendship was never strained despite the amount of time they spent in silence. They never had to fill the air with words and they respected each other’s privacy enough to never pry beyond reason. He was the only friend she had bothered making since she awoke on the Nexus. Alex had always pushed her to make friends and integrate into society, but it was difficult when she could measure her humanness with a percentage. Not to mention, she technically didn’t exist within the Andromeda Initiative. Alec had snuck her aboard last minute with the Nexus to wake up and wait for him. She waited. And when he didn’t come, she left with the Exiles.

A small stirring the club made Hedrak and Emma look up from the darkened corner. A small group, a human, a Turian, and one of those cat things, approached the bar. Emma shifted forward to get a better look. Green flashed into her vision and she felt as if the room was closing in on her. It had to be him. He was here. She stood up, ignoring Hedrak’s questions, her eyes not leaving the group as the turned back the way they came and left.

“Gear up.” She turned back to her friend and grabbed her bow from beside her spot on the bench.

“Dammit, you couldn’t wait until after I finished my drink.”

~

Most newcomers to the wastelands always made the mistake of using the road. The road was prime battleground for the Collective and the Outlaws, the two constantly having a pissing contest over who owned what. She and Hedrak had followed the group, sticking to the hills and sparse tall grasses that littered the landscape. Emma watched them fight, disappointment filling her every time she saw the one that reminded her of Alec. He was strong, but clumsy, less assured of his movements. She listened as the ribbed each other along the way, the cat thing constantly protesting the planet’s conditions and the Turian commenting on how delicate he was. The man with Alec’s eyes laughed and it was so familiar it made her ache.

Emma ignored Hedrak’s furtive glances as they followed the group, watching them fight with the Collective and the Outlaws and sorting through the junk in the camps. It seemed they were looking for something, or someone, but really had no idea what they were doing. She was slowly losing interest and thought of turning back from the man who was clearly not Alec Ryder until they made way for a small remnant structure.

“What the hell do they want there?” Hedrak poked her in the shoulder with the butt of his shotgun as he spoke.

“There is only one way to find out.” She answered, her voice distorted through her scavenger helmet that she had quite literally scavenged from a dead human.

Emma vaulted over the boulder they had been crouched behind and snuck across the road, her feet kicking up small clouds of dirt. She couldn’t deny her curiosity. Everyone avoided the remnant structures, solely for the “shoot on site” protocol the remnants apparently had in their code. Emma pulled her bow from her back and rested it against her leg as she crouched behind another boulder. The team tried to use the abandoned crates as cover, but the remnants were awake and they were pissed. Yet it did not deter them. She watched them move fluidly, playing to each other’s strengths and weaknesses, bullets and biotics combining to pack one hell of a punch. Until of course, the boy with deceiving eyes left himself open and an assembler took advantage. He stumbled at the impact of the blow and his shield dropped.

“Ryder!” The Turian shouted.

Emma didn’t know what spurned her into action. The panicked shout of the Turian, the grimace of pain on the boy’s face, or the sound of his name.

_Ryder. Ryder! Not Alec. Which Ryder?_

Emma was up, an explosive bolt nocked and then flying, beeping through the air until it landed in the assembler’s core and exploded, pieces of metal flying across the structure. She was moving, her feet filling the air with dust, another arrow ready to fly. A breacher turned to her, not as interested in the Ryder anymore and started firing. They were easily dodged and even if they weren’t, it’s not like it would matter. There was a vague sound of Hedrak’s laughter behind her and she knew he was beside himself that he would get to shoot something today. Emma ran into the thick of it, loosing an arrow into the breacher’s eye, it stumbled confused at its loss of sight and she used that to her advantage.

Her thumb pressed against a small button near the grip and heard the small click as small blades made of carbon steel extended from the top and bottom limbs. The breacher righted itself right as she swung her bow, pushing the blades through its core and severing it in half. It fell in two pieces, still sparking. She thumbed over the button again and the blades retracted.

“Wow.” Someone spoke behind her, drawing her attention.

The Turian was crouched beside the Ryder while he stared at Emma slack-jawed and appreciative. The cat thing still aiming, this time at her, but his eyes were also filled with curiosity. Hedrak lingered in the back, not too fond of engaging people he didn’t know, and to also shoot them in the back if they tried anything.

Emma stepped closer, noting the wariness of the human’s companions, hundreds of questions lingering on her tongue. Yet, the one she wanted to ask the most filled her mouth like sand and made it difficult to speak.

_Where is Alec?_

“You should be more careful.” Were the only words she could push forth from her mouth, and with that she stepped around them and continued back the way she came, afraid to hear the answer to the question that burned in her.

 


	2. First Contact Protocol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading this thank you! I think you're awesome!

Emma didn’t know why she was standing in Kadara Port, the last place she should be, staring at the massive ship. _The Tempest_ was emblazoned in large letters on the side of the ship. She scoffed. Such a large name with such a tiny person in charge of it. Emma hadn’t been able to keep her curiosity at bay and she had flitted through the shadows of Sloane’s territory to learn about _Scott_ Ryder. The name tugged at her and it bothered her. She knew Alec had children, but she never knew them personally.

She had just watched Scott and his team board the ship after a few days running around Kadara. _Now or never._ Before she could think better of it, Emma made for the ramp, trying to draw as little attention to herself as possible. Her footsteps were quiet as she boarded the ship, disappearing into the cargo hold. She never once noticed the man standing behind her, the bottom half of his mouth covered with a handkerchief, speaking into an omnitool.

~

Scott and the rest of the crew gathered around the table. Vetra had taken to telling the crew about the person who had saved his ass from the remnants. They had all been shocked and impressed by her speed and agility. Not to mention he hadn’t known anyone who would bother using a bow of all things in space. He said so out loud, earning a few chuckles from his crewmates.

“What’s wrong with a bow?” The same voice from the other day, the one that had warned him to be careful, sounded from behind him.

The crew turned, all of them reaching for their weapons, whether or not they were strapped was another matter entirely. Scott held his arm out to stop them as he stared at the person that had not only snuck into the ship, but managed to move through it without being noticed. The bow in question was strapped to their back and a pistol was secured to their thigh. Yet they reached for neither as the Tempest crew prepared for a fight. It was hard to discern any sort of expression through the scavenger helmet.

“Pathfinder, the Tempest has been boarded.” SAM pinged from the omnitool.

“Yeah, a little late with that SAM.” Scott retorted.

“Apologies. She is faster than even _I_ anticipated.” SAM answered, not sounding the least bit apologetic.

“Ryder?” Vetra whispered, “What are we going to do?”

The stranger cocked their head slightly, seemingly taking them all in just as much as they were.

“How about we just talk?” Scott moved towards them slowly, his arms held out from his sides, “Names would be a good start yeah? I’m Pathfinder Scott Ryder, and you are?”

“Where is Alec Ryder?” They didn’t answer his question.

Scott leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, “My father. He died, back on Habitat 7,” his voice was low and tinged with sadness, “did you know him?”

The stranger was silent for a moment, hands curling and uncurling into fists, “How?” Their voice faltered.

“He turned on the remnant vault and we were blown off a cliff. My helmet was broken, he gave me his so I would live.” Scott rubbed the back of his neck wishing they would talk about anything else. It was a moment he relived often, almost every night when he slept.

Another moment of silence filled the air before the person turned on their heel and walked back down to ramp to the cargo hold.

“Hey! Wait!” He called after them and followed, his team close on his heels.

~

Emma hurried down the ramp not wanting to hear anymore. Her breaths were shallow and panicked, fogging up the inside of her helmet making it difficult to see. She felt as she if she were asphyxiating to death. He couldn’t be dead. He was supposed to come for me. He had promised. He wasn’t dead. Emma tried to blink back the hot tears that filled her eyes. This was not happening. She ignored Scott as he called after her. He was just a ghost of his father.

She was so close to the loading ramp. A little further and she disappear back to the Wasteland. Disappear back into her little hovel above the club with Hedrak and sleep and drink and pretend that Alec Ryder was still there, floating around in his ship still asleep. She would rather he had forgotten her than died.

“Emma.” A name, her name, sounded from the ship’s coms, making her stop.

The many feet that followed her stopped when she did.

“Emma?” Scott echoed, his brow furrowing.

“I would advise against disembarking Emma. Your presence was noted in Kadara Port. Bounty hunters are preparing to board the Tempest.” SAM continued.

“Why would bounty hunters be after you?” A woman, blonde, stepped forward, her pistol drawn and ready.

Another question she elected not to answer earning a frustrated grunt from the woman, “I vote we hand her over.”

A cacophony of agreements and even a few “I vote we don’t” were thrown in, surprising her. After a minute Scott raised his hand to silence his crew. Maybe he had more Alec in him than she thought.

“You helped me Emma, I’d like to return the favor.” Scott stepped towards her once more, trying to make a connection she did not want to give.

Emma peeled off her gloves and tossed them on top of the nearest crate, the movement stopping Scott Ryder from coming any closer. She reached up and pulled her helmet to suck in a breath of cool air. Wisps of her hair, orange at the roots and transitioning to a sky blue. Her eyes matched, orange around the pupil, bleeding into the same blue as her hair. It unnerved others and she could never explain exactly why she had these colors. At the point, she just chalked it up as a side effect of the experiments she underwent as a child. She reached up and pulled her ponytail tight to keep it from coming loose and levelled her gaze at the Tempest crew.

“I do not need your help Scott Ryder.” Her voice was cool and level, not at all betraying the overwhelming anger and grief she felt.

“You can’t face bounty hunters by yourself Emma.” He lowered his voice trying to appeal to her.

Her lip curled slightly, “I have before.”

Neither of them moved or flinched. Scott met her gaze, not once backing down. She had to admit, she could respect that. The sound of movement behind her did not surprise her. She listened and counted. _1,2,3,4…5…Sloane went all out. I guess she really didn’t appreciate the broken nose._

“This is an Initiative ship, you are not allowed on here.” The blonde stepped in front of Scott, her gun aimed at the intruders. A few of the others had followed suit, prepared to defend the ship and their Pathfinder.

“We won’t cause you any trouble Pathfinder, if you hand her over.”

“And if we don’t?” The cat-thing spoke up, the challenge in his tone was clear.

“We have permission to tear this ship apart.”

“Jesus, Em what did you do?” Scott murmured.

Emma narrowed her eyes at the casual shortening of her name. She wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

“Nothing that concerns you, or them for that matter. They’re just paid lackeys, not too bright, don’t ask questions.” She gestured behind her.

“We’ll see how cocky you are when we put a bullet in ya.” One of them spit after he spoke and aimed at her.

Emma turned her head to look at him, the side of her mouth curling into a smirk. She hadn’t anticipated a fight today, but it seems she would get one regardless.

“Let’s see you try.”

 

 


	3. We Belong Down Below

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me awhile to finish. Thank you to everyone who has subscribed and bookmarked and given kudos. It is appreciated and keeps me going. I hope you enjoy!

She sat in the corner shivering, her knees drawn to her chest. Blood streaked down her bare arms and legs. The alarm blared throughout the entire facility making her ears rings. She clapped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. Anything to block out the shrill scream of the alarm, the techs that laid on the blood-soaked floor. It’s not her fault. She just wanted the pain to stop.

It’s not her fault.

The sound of the door being kicked open made her jump and her eyes opened only to stare down the barrel of a rifle.

“Jesus, it’s just a child.” A woman’s voice came from the helmet of the person pointing the weapon at her.

Her heart hammered painfully against her sternum and she felt herself going into another panic response. The woman seemed to regain herself and lowered her weapon. Another person in armor stepped up beside the woman, towering over her. Both had N7 emblazoned on their armor in large red letters. The other person kneeled down and pulled his helmet off revealing eyes that reminded her of clovers. She pulled her hands down from her ears, the alarm nothing more than background noise heard through a fog, as she stared at him. The eyes crinkled at the sides as he offered her a smile.

“We’re here to help.” He held his hand out to her.

She couldn’t help it. She slunk back trying to fold herself into a corner when it was virtually impossible. The man frowned, but he didn’t seem displeased with her. The woman pulled off her own helmet, her blue eyes were piercing and calculating, but not unkind either. A scar mottled the skin of her left cheek. She raised her arm to her mouth and spoke into a device.

“Garrus, we found it…it’s hard to explain. Pull all files you can from this facility.” She turned her head away to stare back at the doorway as she spoke.

The man glanced back at her briefly before turning his full attention back to the girl, “Do you know where you are?” He asked softly.

“My room.” Her voice was hoarse and raw as if she didn’t speak often.

He seemed to balk at her answer, but his reaction passed, “What’s your name?”

“Name?”

“What do they call you?” He tried again.

“001.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, “Would you like a name?”

“Do you have a name?”

“My name is Alec Ryder,” he gestured to the woman behind him, “This is Grace Shepard.”

A cacophony of footsteps leading to her room cut him off from saying anything. Grace Shepard was moving to keep them from coming in, keep them from scaring the girl any more than she already was. Alec stood and offered his hand to her one more time. She stared at the outstretched hand with fear, trepidation, and pure want. The techs were never allowed to touch her except to briefly administer vaccinations. So much time she couldn’t count spent in a small metal room, with a small metal bed, that she wanted nothing more than to grasp the warmth radiating from his palm.

“Why don’t you come with us Emma? We won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Emma?” The word popped forth from her mouth and she tasted it on her lips.

“Do you like it?”

She stretched out her arm, reaching for the warmth, “Yes.”

~

Scott watched Emma square up against the bounty hunters. She acted as if she didn’t know him, didn’t remember him at all. Her hair, not as vibrant as when they first met, had to be down to her waist now. Her eyes were cold and calculated. Her mouth had sneered at him when she took off her helmet. He stepped forward determined to help her.

“I would advise against getting too close.” SAM pinged from his omnitool.

“Why are you trying to help her?” Cora demanded from his left, having already declared her want to send Emma to Sloane.

Something he wouldn’t allow even if she didn’t remember him, “She is my friend.” Even though speaking the words didn’t make them true.

“She certainly doesn’t act like.” Cora snarked.

Scott grit his teeth in frustration. Cora never gave up an opportunity to question him or make him seem like an idiot. She had told him she wasn’t bothered about losing the chance to become the next Pathfinder, but her actions did not equal her words.

“Do you mind? I’m kind of in the middle of something here.” A voice broke through keeping him from replying to Cora with something equally snarky.

Emma was looking back over her shoulder, her eyes trained on him. Even the bounty hunters were looking at him, all of them looking varying degree of amused, except for one who had his eyes trained solely on Emma. That one worried Scott.

“We are not doing this on my ship.” Scott kept his voice firm, his eyes flitting between Emma and the bounty hunters.

The side of her mouth quirked upwards and her eyes seemed less cold, “I agree.”

“We aren’t leaving without you.” One of them spat at her feet.

She quirked an eyebrow, “You are.” She was matter of fact about it.

Scott felt the change in the gravity, apparently well before the bounty hunters did, and had the good sense to back away from her.

“Uh Ryder?” Liam watched him, feeling the change as well, but not quite sure what is going on.

“She is amassing gravitational force. It seems she does indeed intend to remove them from the ship.” SAM spoke up from the omnitool.

Emma pushed her arms in front of her and with that, the energy she had culminated from the surrounding area. The ship rocked and shuddered as the force knocked four of the five bounty hunters down the exit ramp to the port. The one who had been staring at her intently remained, looking down at his boots in amusement.

“DO NOT WRECK MY SHIP!” Gil shouted from the balcony, one hand gripping the rail to keep his balance, and the other waving a wrench around.

Emma smirked and shrugged before turning her attention back. The hunter looked down at his boots and back up to her.

“Magnets. I learned from last time.”

“Not that well.”

He sneered and pulled back his sleeve, an omni-blade forming from his omnitool. Emma just stood there, waiting for him to move. She had no weapons ready and scavenger armor was nice, but wouldn’t last forever against an omni-blade. Scott would like to think this is why he rationalized surging forward to attempt to jump in between her and the blade. He was doing it because it was the right thing to do, not because he still hoped she was the person he remembered. Of course, he was an idiot and she was faster. His companions shouted his name and she looked towards him, flinging her arm out stop him from getting in the way, taking the omni-blade to her stomach. The very thing that Scott was trying to stop from happening. He flinched at the shock and anger and flashed over her face and almost thanked god when she reached out to punch the bounty hunter in the chest so hard his sternum cracked, and not him.

His crew wasted no time shoving the bounty hunter down the ramp to join the others and Vetra shouted at Kallo to pull up the ramp. Scott attempted to keep Emma from falling, but she was much heavier than he remembered. They both fell backwards and he grunted as she landed on his stomach while clutching her own.

“Lexi!” He shouted when he saw the blood seeping through her fingers.

“Get her to the med bay.” Lexi ordered.

Jaal was next to them in a second, scooping her up despite her protests. He ignored her curses and threats, following Lexi to the med bay with the seething woman in his arms. Scott would have laughed if he wasn’t positive she would kill him in his sleep for it.

“SAM, tell Kallo to get us out Kadara. We can go back to the Nexus for all I care.”

~

Emma was asleep on the bed in med bay, her chest rising and falling gently. SAM had suggested giving her a sedative to calm her so Lexi could scan her and deal with her injury. Scott, and surprisingly Jaal, were still in the med bay watching as Lexi scanned her for a second time, her brow furrowing.

“Fascinating.” She murmured.

“What is it?” Scott almost shot up from his chair.

Lexi looked up at him, “She is healing herself at an exponential rate with the assistance of nanoparticles. I haven’t seen the use of these particles in quite some time. It was my understanding that this research was discontinued once humans encountered the existence of Prothean technology.”

“It was.” Scott spoke softly, “Dad found her in a facility that was supposed to have been shut down, but they continued their research under an anonymous benefactor. He never fully told us what she was, he hid her files, even from her.”

“Why wouldn’t he let her learn about herself?” Jaal piped up, his eyes focused on the small woman on the table.

Scott shrugged, “I think he wanted her to have as normal of a life as possible.”

“Did she?” Jaal looked over at Scott as he spoke.

“I don’t know. She disappeared years before we left to come here. I don’t even know how she is here.”

“Well you can find out when she wakes up, for now you have a crew you have to reassure, and she needs rest.” Lexi barely looked up from her datapad.

Scott sighed, there was no point in arguing with the doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out with me on tumblr! http://wickedwitchofthewilds.tumblr.com/


	4. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who have left kudos and subscribed thank you so much. I had a garbled idea and I just decided to run with it.

Emma his behind Alec Ryder’s legs, as close to his back as she could get without running into him. He threw her a small smiled over her shoulder. It was meant as a reassurance, but that didn’t abate her fear. It had been a month since he had rescued her. A month spent with him and Shepard arguing in her defense.

_She’s a weapon._

_She’s a CHILD._

The others, the council, looked at her as if she was a rabid animal. A ticking time bomb. Their lips curled in her direction, but their eyes betrayed their fear. They hadn’t seen how she covered her eyes when the sun shone on her face. How her fingers curled as she tried to reach for the giant ball of warmth. They hadn’t seen the tears wet her cheeks and the way her shoulders shook when she realized she was free. The world was so much bigger than steel walls and men in lab coats.

They missed when she sat with Joker in the cockpit, as he pointed out stars and galaxies and planets, and the way her eyes shone. Or when Garrus had shown her how to take apart his rifle and clean it. And how Shepard had lectured him about how inappropriate it was to let her handle a gun. The council never saw the times she stood in front of the galaxy map, in her pajamas and bare feet, her fingers finding all the places she wanted to go.

They finally relented and left her in the care of Alec. He was to provide them reports and keep an eye on her, but she wouldn’t spend another moment of her life in a cage if he could help it. Then came the real fear. He had a family. A wife and two children her age. He was taking her home, giving her a normal childhood he had said. What if they hated her? What if they were afraid?

What if she hurt them?

He stopped and she had no choice but to stop as well. Her heart thudded in her ears as they stood in front of an apartment. The hallway stretched out on either side, beckoning her to run down the deep red carpet. Alec touched her shoulder gently before he pushed the door open and stepped into the entry way. Exclamations followed his entrance and she watched as two kids, Scott and Sara he had told her earlier, ran from a beige couch to launch themselves at him. She watched as their arms wrapped around his neck and waist when he kneeled down to greet them. A woman came around the corner, smiling and chastising her children playfully until they let go and Alec stood to receive a kiss on the cheek.

Emma was frozen, feeling like the outsider she was. She should’ve stayed at the Normandy or taken the cell the Council had offered. She didn’t belong here. The love reflected in their irises as they greeted each other was not meant for a thing like her. She should run as far as her feet could take her, but she couldn’t. Deep blue eyes slid to meet hers. Evelyn Ryder stepped away from her husband and kneeled in the hallway where Emma was rendered immobile. Her eyes were soft and kind, with an edge of hard steel that reflected her strength. The twins stared around their father, their eyes curious but not unkind.

Evelyn Ryder held out her hand and smiled, “You must be Emma.”

Emma stared at the outstretched hand as if it might bite her. She nodded, unable to form words, her mind still screaming at her to run. Evelyn didn’t draw away and her smile did not falter.

“Welcome Home Emma.” She spoke softly, reaching for the girl.

_Welcome Home._

Emma covered her face and cried.

~

Emma woke up, feeling the cold bite of metal against her back. The lights weren’t as harsh as she would expect for a med bay. It must be the night cycle. She still took her time to situate herself to her surroundings. She knew she had boarded the Tempest for answers and was ambushed by Sloane’s cronies when she attempted to leave. Of course, they would notice her the one time she didn’t feel like fighting. She remembered Scott, _the big bumbling idiot_ , attempting to save her from an attack and instead she ended up protecting him.

_Why?_

It had to have been because he was Alec Ryder’s son. There would have been no other reason to take a blade for him.

“I see you’re awake.”

Emma turned to the asari that eyed her with equal parts wariness and fascination. She was standing next to the monitor monitoring Emma’s vitals. Emma noted the way the woman’s hands twitched as if there was supposed to be something there. Wincing at the soreness around her middle, Emma sat up and turned, dangling her legs off the bed. The doctor was watching her movements, waiting for her be still again.

“I’m Dr. Lexi T’Perro. Do you know where you are?”

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but her mouth felt as if it was full of sand. It was the same as when she took a dive to dodge a bullet and ate a mouthful of Kadara. Dry and slightly sulfuric. Needless to say it was not pleasant. Lexi looked satisfied at her answer and looked back to the screen.

“You healing speed is remarkable. Under normal circumstances this wound could have killed you.”

Emma fought the urge to roll her eyes. It was always the same with doctors. They were so needlessly excited over her abilities and the nanotech she shared a body with. They would expect to be able to poke and prod her until they could unlock all of her secrets. Good luck. Even she didn’t know all of her secrets. Alec had promised to one day show her all the files he had pulled from the facility. She was never ready enough for him.

_Not that it matters anymore. He’s gone now._

The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth and she twisted her lips in a grimace. The chatter that had filled her ears like background noise ceased causing her to look up. The doctor had been talking to her and she had no idea what was said. Emma shifted uncomfortably, dropping her gaze.

“You have an implant, similar to the Pathfinder’s, but it is not active.” Lexi proceeded.

“Yes.” Emma confirmed, her voice betraying how dry her mouth was. She did not like where this was going.

Lexi turned and grabbed a bottle of water from her station and handed it to Emma, being careful not to invade too much of her space. “SAM had requested to activate it, but you were not awake. I could-we can- turn it on, if you want.”

Emma opened the bottle and took a slow, deliberate swig. The water filled her mouth and soothed her throat before she downed the entire bottle. She was putting off answering. It was nothing personal against SAM, but after being Alec’s guinea pig for the AI, she wasn’t too keen to turn her implant on and have another voice beside her own to bother her.

“No.” She set the empty bottle down beside her before stretching her feet to the floor and standing.

“Of course, but should you change your mind-“

“I won’t.” Emma shook her head and stretched her arms above her head, feeling the satisfying pull of her muscles.

The doctor nodded as if suspecting as much. She admired Emma’s form with nothing short of appreciation, in a purely clinical standpoint of course. Lexi turned back to the monitor, her eyes once again looking over Emma’s brain scan. Her slender finger pointed to a set of clothes at the bottom of the medical bed and a bag of the few things that Emma had been carrying with her. She noticed the absence of her bow and her sidearm.

“There is a bathroom down the hall to the left, the crew is in a meeting. You shouldn’t be bothered.”

Emma muttered her thanks and grabbed her things to depart the med bay. Medical rooms were always too polished, too sterile, and too full of memories for her to ever be comfortable. Emma followed the doctor’s directions to the showers, her feet padding softly across the floor. Despite the cold appearance of the hallway, the floor was warm underneath her feet. Emma entered the bathroom and set her things down on the sink. The door closed behind her.

Emma looked into the mirror, noting how pale she looked after the amount of blood she lost and the dark circles underneath her eyes. Although the latter was due more to never getting proper sleep. She reached up and pulled the elastic from her hair and let it fall in soft waves down to her back. She combed her fingers through, making a face at how oily it was. Emma pulled her bralette over her head and dropped it on the floor, her pants were next, laying in a heap at her feet.

She stepped into the shower and turned the knob for the hottest water she could stand. A sigh escaped her lips and she turned letting the water soothe her back. It felt like eons she had last had a proper shower, with hot water. Emma eyed the products that lined the shelves in the shower and grabbed a bottle that was unlabeled. Wedging her thumb under the cap, she popped it open and brought it to her nose. The smell of gardenias and honeysuckle filled her nose and she smiled softly as if there was a memory attached to the smell. Emma poured some into her palm and rubbed it into her hair.

Perhaps she could ask where they procured this. She may not be able to walk around Kadara freely, she still knew people. She was used to the grainy soaps and shampoos, which made her feel gritty instead of clean. There was no need to walk around feeling covered in sand just because she lived on a planet covered in sand. Emma squeezed her eyes shut and tilted her head back and just stood under the water letting it sluice down her skin. Just some conditioner and soap and she would be clean and refreshed and less likely to punch Scott Ryder in the throat. Well only marginally less likely.

Emma rinsed the last of the conditioner from her hair and reached past the stall to grab a towel. She turned off the water and flipped her hair over to wrap it in the towel. Emma pulled back the curtain and stepped out of the stall to grab another towel when the sound of the door opening drew her gaze. Her hand was still reaching for the towel when she paused. The large cat-like creature filled the doorway, his eyes focused on her, the pupils swallowing the galaxies in his eyes. The skin of his face and neck, and flap thingies, turned from pink to purple.

“I didn’t realize…I didn’t know…my apologies.” He stammered out before turning around abruptly, almost slamming into the doorframe, and exiting out of the bathroom like there was a fire under his ass.

Emma covered up a snort with her hand as he left. He acted as if he had never seen a woman naked before. Maybe he hadn’t. At least not a human woman. Emma dried off and pulled on the black leggings and tank top the doctor had laid out for her. She grabbed her things and stood in front of the door. Schooling her face into a neutral expression and squaring her shoulders she stepped towards the door until it opened. She was only staying until they circled back to Kadara and then she was back to her life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All support is important! I appreciate every bit of it.


	5. Lost Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott and Emma face off and SAM reveals a small bit of information about Emma. Also, Jaal is a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading this, thank you so much! I hope you enjoy!

Scott walked out of the med bay to see Jaal turning a dark shade of purple and Liam nearly doubled over with laughter. Scott had gone in the med bay to speak to Emma only to find out she had already woken up and was cleaning up. Lexi had barely pulled herself away from Emma’s scans in order to answer. He wasn’t surprised the Asari would be interested in Emma and her biology. There was a time where he was fascinated in her in a way that a scientist would be interested in any abnormal specimen. That allure had long since faded by the time him, and Sara, and Emma had matured into adulthood. When he saw her as Emma and not what she was created to be.

He paused on his way to find out what had made Jaal blush when Emma stepped from the bathroom. She didn’t look much different from when he last saw her. Her hair was braided and hung down over her shoulder, she had grown it out. From a distance she looked slight, one would expect her to be lithe and flexible, but would discount her strength until she punched their soul out of their body. Her arms were crossed underneath her chest, showing off the scar on her bicep and bruises that covered her arms. Apparently she kept busy while on Kadara. She was watching Jaal with small amusement as he refused to look at her.

“What did I miss?” He stepped forward cautiously, noting how her eyes narrowed at him.

“Your cat has apparently never seen anyone naked before.” Her voice was level and cold.

Her tone gave Scott pause. Did she really not remember him? Even when they had their disagreements she never acted as if she didn’t know him. Did she not remember Sara either? How did she remember their father, at least enough to seem upset about his death, but not them?

“He’s not a cat, although I will admit he looks like one. He’s an Angara. You had to have seen at least one on Kadara.” Liam stopped laughing long enough to answer.

“I didn’t get out much.” She shrugged.

“You got out enough to have bounty hunters track you down.” Scott folded his arms across his chest to mimic her stance.

She blinked at him slowly as if he was no more than a worm. A pest that was getting on her nerves. Good. He wanted to get on her nerves. Maybe then she would crack and stop acting like someone else. Liam and Jaal looked between the two of them with mixed expressions of uneasiness and curiousness.

“I don’t see how it’s your problem.”

“It’s my problem when it endangers my ship and my crew!” Scott rarely raised his voice and his two present crew members flinched when he spoke, but Emma remained unmoved. She was infuriating, looking at him as if he were two feet tall.

“If you had stayed out of the way, I would have taken care of it and been on my way. Instead, you’re harboring a fugitive.”

“I don’t mind harboring you Emma, just stop acting like you don’t remember me!” He was standing close to her, his arms down to his sides, his face flushed red with anger.

Her brows furrowed and her fingers tightened their grip on her arms. He could see the crescent moon indents her nails left on her skin.

“I don’t know you.” Her voice was quiet, as if she was unsure.

“That’s such-“

“Perhaps I could be of assistance.”

SAM’s voice interrupted Scott’s speech and pattern of thinking. All eyes were drawn to Emma’s omnitool, waiting for SAM to continue. The tension between the two was palpable and Scott knew he was close to saying something he wouldn’t be able to take back.

“The scans Dr. T’Perro took of Emma’s brain show shrinkage of grey matter which could have caused acute memory loss.”

“Is it serious?” Scott stepped closer to her, reaching out reassuringly.

Emma stepped back looking as if he might bite her, “No. The Nexus scientists just thought it was a side effect of cryo sleep.”

“We can have more tests run on the Nexus. Maybe there is a way to reverse it, or stop more damage.”

Emma shook her head, “That won’t be necessary Scott Ryder. I will be disembarking the next time we are on Kadara.”

“Emma-“ He started to speak, but she was already moving, putting as much distance between them as possible. He could have followed her, but all he could do was watch her back as she disappeared into the med bay. The door shut behind her and he covered his eyes with his hands and groaned. Liam coughed from behind him and Scott lowered his hand to glower at him.

“That went badly.” Liam shrugged.

“Yeah. Tell me about it.”

“Ryder?”

Scott looked to Jaal who had an unusually serious expression on his face. If Scott wasn’t already irritated it would have been funny.

“Yes Jaal?”

“What is a cat?”

Liam erupted in another fit of laughter while Scott rolled his eyes in exasperation. This was not what he signed up for.

~

Emma readjusted for the third time in the last five minutes, trying to get comfortable. Lexi had offered to show her where the crew quarters were, but Emma declined. There would be no getting near the crew, getting to know the crew, or becoming chummy with the crew. She was stuck here until they could cycle back to Kadara and that was it. Emma was leaving this ship if she had to jump out of the airlock.

The med bay didn’t have any windows and Emma hated it. The steel walls threatened to close in on her. Emma rolled over on her side and closed her eyes hoping it would calm her, but the room still felt like it was getting smaller. She pressed her hands to her ears hoping to stop the ringing and instead she was treated to her breathing becoming quick and shallow. There was no way she was sleeping here. Emma stood from the bed and grabbed her personal effects before nearly running out of the med bay doors. The hallway was larger, but it didn’t really help her. It still felt as if the entirety of the Tempest was going to crush her.

Emma turned to her left and spotted the ladder next to the door to the Pathfinder’s quarters. She was moving up the rungs before she could give it much thought. Just wanting to find somewhere on this ship that wouldn’t remind her of a box. A box full of people she didn’t know or trust. A place with windows would be good. Emma moved through the ship quietly, the walls blending into one another until it was just an endless panel of steel. Finally, she headed up the ramp where she had first encountered the crew and breathed a sigh of relief at the expanse of windows. Emma stopped at the end of the ramp before she sat on the ledge.

It was if she could see the entirety of the galaxy from here. Her face was nearly smushed against the glass as she looked at all the stars flickering in and out. So many stars. This is why she was here. A new galaxy. Endless possibilities. New and beautiful life. Too bad it did not live up anyone’s expectations. She sat back, her back resting against a strip of wall and she pulled her knees to her chest. Emma opened the bag of personals they had taken from her when she was injured.

It wasn’t much, she never really had anything even when she lived in the Milky Way. A small journal Alec had given her before her basic training and a music player. Most people just stored their music in their omnitool, but not Emma. There was simply too much and even an omnitool had its limits. She had found it in a pile of junk to be scrapped for cash. It was just something to tinker with and pass the time. It had taken awhile, but she finally got it work and it stored a terabyte of music. Many had commented that there was no way she could listen to that much music, but it was almost all the way full.

Emma untangled the ear buds before placing them in her ears and turning it on. She breathed a small sigh when it turned on. It was good it was not damaged in the skirmish or she would have angry. She scrolled through the songs before making her selection. Lindsey Sterling filled her ears while she opened her journal and flipped through to a blank page. She pulled the pen from its resting spot hooked to the cover and pressed the tip to the page leaving a small spot of ink.

This journal was the most important thing. It contained her memories, well what she had started to record when she learned she would progressively lose her memory as she aged. She knew Scott Ryder was nowhere in these pages, so she had no choice but to take him at his word when he said he knew her. SAM had surprisingly not shared the entirety of her condition with Ryder despite him being the Pathfinder. It seemed he was becoming sentient enough to withhold information.

Emma was thankful for that much. The last thing she needed was pity. She had long since accepted that eventually the nanites would completely take over and she would lose herself to them. Emma gripped the journal in her fingers, before shaking her head and pressing the pen to the paper once more.

_Alec Ryder is gone. What do I do now?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to everyone who has given kudos and bookmarked this piece.
> 
> I am a little self-indulgent in writing this. I suppose it is sort of my way of coping with a father who has dementia, I constantly try to put myself in his shoes when I get frustrated while taking care of him. 
> 
> The song she is listening to by Lindsey Sterling is Lost Girls, if you don't listen to Lindsey Sterling, you should, she is amazing!
> 
> Come hang out with me on tumblr, I'm totally cool! https://wickedwitchofthewilds.tumblr.com/


	6. I was following the pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma joins the Tempest crew for breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry it took so long to update. I have been disheartened with my writing in general and I just needed a break. Let me know what you guys think in the comments below and thank you for reading!

Emma woke up, scrunched up in a ball on the window ledge. She winced and stretched out her legs, sighing in relief as her muscles released slowly. Small noises from below let her know that other members of the crew were up and moving around. There would probably be no avoiding them all considering it was a small ship and she would need to eat at some point. Emma placed her feet on the floor and bent down at the waist to place her hands on the floor in between her feet. A tiny noise of relief sounded in her throat as she stretched out her back. She sat back up and eyed the vidcom table and its speakers before standing up and walking over.

Emma set the music player to sync to the speakers and flipped through her music. It was loud enough for her, but quiet enough that it would not disturb anyone else. She pulled her hair free from braid and combed through it with her fingers. As much as it pained her, she would have to thank whoever left the conditioner in the shower. It hair had not felt this nice in a long time. She pulled it back up into a ponytail. Emma sank into her first pose as Fleet Foxes poured from the speakers. It was relaxing, which was a feeling she hadn’t experienced since leaving for Andromeda.

Emma moved from pose to pose seamlessly, her body remembering her routine better than her mind did. Alec had taught her the importance of balancing mind and body. She was physically strong, but her mind had to be strong as well. For the longest time she was just angry and lonely and she took it out on everyone and everything. He constantly reminded her of the times he had to bail her out from trouble because of her lack of control. He pushed her into martial arts and the military. Discipline and control was important.

She remembered those things. The sullen and angry teenager, sitting in the principal’s office across from a kid nursing a bloody nose and black eye while Alec threw her disappointed glances. Pulling extra duty in boot camp because she was a smart-ass. Being tossed on her ass by her sensei because her ego was larger than her skill. She could remember all those things, but she couldn’t remember Scott Ryder. He had been so adamant that he knew her. He was Alec’s son after all, how could she not have known him?

Emma’s balance faltered as she sighed in frustration. She pressed her fingertips to her eyes and let out a deep breath.

“No Jaal, I’m not spying.” A whisper from the ramp behind her garnered her attention.

“It looks like you are spying Ryder.” The cat-squid, _Angara_ , was not as quiet.

Emma rolled her eyes as Scott shushed him loudly. She turned and quietly walked over to the ramp and squatted down to look between the bars. Jaal had attempted to squat down, but his head was still slightly above the ramp.

“I just didn’t want to bother her.” Scott hissed between his teeth, his focus on Jaal.

“Too late.” Emma spoke up, fighting the urge to grin as Scott nearly fell back on his ass.

Jaal stood, towering over her despite being on the bottom of the ramp. Emma stood, becoming eye level with the angara. She took a moment to look him over. Purple freckles stretched across his face and cowl. It was fascinating that he was humanoid in appearance, yet still so different. His eyes reminded her of Earth, the oceans speckled with flecks of brown and white. He seemed to be studying her as much as she was studying him. His eyes lingered on her hair, looking fascinated with the colors. Scott cleared his throat and she focused her attention on him.

“Drack has breakfast in the kitchen. I wasn’t sure if you were hungry.” Scott was deliberately not making eye contact.

Emma wrinkled her nose at him before shrugging. “No reason to starve, I suppose.”

He looked at her then, looking relieved that she hadn’t out and out rejected him. She winced at his expression. She hadn’t really been too kind since she met him. In fact, he looked a bit like a kicked puppy. It wouldn’t hurt her to be nice, just until they got to Kadara. _Civil, Emma, not friendly._

“Great! We will escort you!” Jaal’s enthusiasm nearly blew Emma away.

She looked at Scott who just shrugged and smirked at her. Emma walked back to the table and grabbed her music player, cutting of White Winter Hymnal mid song. Her feet carried her to the two, wondering how much she was going to regret this as Jaal smiled at her. She walked in between them, careful not to bump into them as they walked. It was a futile effort as Jaal inched closer the more they walked. Scott had the nerve to look over with a smug smile.

“Scott tells me your coloring is odd even for humans.” Jaal says after a brief respite of silence.

Emma nodded, “Yeah, you could say that.”

He stared at her hair clearly fascinated. She saw his fingers flex from the corner of her eye. Emma stared straight trying not to make eye contact. She was afraid he was going to ask to touch it. It wasn’t that she thought badly of him, she just wasn’t fond of being touched. Thankfully, he did not say anything else nor make a move to touch her without permission.

As they neared the kitchen, Emma could hear the conversations and laughter drifting down the hall. Everything in her was screaming to run away and avoid them at all cost. She wasn’t one for social situations. She struggled to keep her face neutral as they entered the kitchen, the conversation dying down. Everyone looked slightly uncomfortable as they struggled for something to say. Finally, the one who was laughing at Jaal yesterday, Liam she believed it was, stood up and offered his hand.

“Liam Kosta, we weren’t officially introduced.”

Emma looked at his hand a moment before tentatively grabbing it, “Emma.”

Liam nods and holds out a chair for her to sit, everyone else is crammed on the bench seats and Scott and Jaal take the other two available chairs.

“Emma what?” The blonde who had wanted to hand her over to the bounty hunters, crossed her arms over her chest as she asked.

“Just Emma.”

“No last name?”

“No.” Emma didn’t flinch from the blonde’s steely gaze.

“Cora.” Scott piped up, “We talked about this.”

“We didn’t talk about anything. You told us she would joining us and none of us had a say.” Cora stood up from the table.

“I thought Asari Huntresses spoke with their fists not their mouths.” Emma retorted.

Cora narrowed her eyes, “If you’d like.”

“If you’re going to fight get out of my kitchen.” The krogan, Drack, grumbled from the counter.

Cora shook her head and left the kitchen, her footsteps echoing down the hallway. Scott was frowning at Emma and she was trying very hard not to look at him. Jaal shifted uncomfortably on her other side. Suddenly, the pristine white table was very fascinating. The other crew members exchanged looks.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about Cora. She tends to be hot headed.” Liam finally spoke leaning forward with his elbows resting on the table.

“How did you know she was huntress?” The turian, Vetra, asked.

Emma looked up then, “I read everyone’s employee file. I wanted to know who I was stuck on a ship with.”

“Oh? Do we get to read yours?”

“There isn’t-“ Emma and Scott both started speaking at the same time.

They stared at each other for a few moments while the others snickered amongst themselves. Finally, Scott nodded at her to continue.

“My paperwork was forged. I don’t have a file.”

“Why did dad sneak you in with the Nexus personnel?”

Emma snorted, “I wasn’t even cleared for the Andromeda Initiative, let alone the Pathfinder team. I was too much of a risk.”

Scott frowned not needing to ask anything else.

“So Scott hasn’t really told us much beyond you two grew up together.” Liam prodded.

Emma shrugged, “I don’t really remember. My memories are spotty. There are only a few things I remember with clarity.”

“Are you related?” Peebee jumped in.

“No.”

“How did you end up growing up together?” Jaal turned his body towards her, fully invested in her answer.

Scott opened his mouth ready to admonish Jaal for asking.

“Alec Ryder saved me.” Emma answered before he could, “I didn’t have any family so he took me in.”

“Where is your family?” Jaal’s eyebrows drew together and the corner of his mouth turned down.

Emma fought the urge to laugh at how concerned an alien was over her lack of family. Or maybe she just wanted to laugh because she never wanted to think too hard about the implications of that questions.

“I’ve never had one. I was held in a facility until I was twelve.” Emma shrugged.

“What sort of facility?” Vetra leaned forward enthralled by the conversation.

“A research facility.”

“Guys.” Scott interjected looking embarrassed that they were questioning her.

“That would explain why Lexi was walking around muttering to herself about nanotech.”

Emma nodded.

“Why nanotech. I thought biotics was enough?” Liam frowned.

“With the exception of the Asari, biotics are never a sure thing. The children conceived aren’t always viable and implants degrade over a period of time and cause issues.” Emma shrugged, “I’m guessing they wanted a sure thing.”

“I am very confused.” Jaal muttered.

“Nanites are very small, so small you can’t see them. I was injected with them repeatedly as a child until they began to bond with my DNA.”

“What do they do?” Jaal leaned forward.

Emma was unnerved by how close he was. He was entirely focused on her and her answers. His eyes were wide as he took them in, never leaving her face. He was completely engaged.

“They replace cells as fast they die, so I will age relatively slowly. I also heal quickly; I am slightly faster and stronger than normal humans. I can also use more of a percentage of my brain at a time. For some reason I am able to manipulate low levels of gravity. I probably would have been able to do more had the experimentation continued. I don’t think I am complete.”

“Complete?” Liam looked confused at her wording choice.

Emma nodded, “They wanted humans that could have the same abilities as biotics. Able to control mass effect fields without the need of implants or exposure to eezo. I’m not sure if they would have succeeded, but it’s hard to know what the end game was exactly.”

“What is an end game?” Jaal asked.

“Their ultimate goal. What exactly would they have gained from creating someone like me?”

“What if they hadn’t been successful?” Vetra piped up.

Emma shrugged, “I would’ve been terminated.”

Silence followed her answer until Drack set a plate down in the middle of the table full of still steaming muffins. Everybody had jumped at the sound of the plate smacking against the table. Liam smirked and leaned forward to sniff the muffins.

“What kind did you make?” Peebee poked at one.

“Blueberry. Thank Vetra for those.” He grumbled, but didn’t look displeased.

Her favorite. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a blueberry muffin, at least a real one, not the ones that came in the plastic wrapper. There was a vague memory that poked at her. Her hands sticky and covered in the juice of fresh blueberries as a woman laughed and brushed crumbs from her chin. There was a muffin hovering under her nose as she shook it from her head. Scott was holding a muffin top in one hand and the bottom was in his other hand.

“You only like the tops.” He smiled at her.

Emma took the muffin top from his hand and held it delicately. She stared at it letting the weight of what he just said sink in. She only liked the tops. Ever since she was young, she hated the bottoms of muffins. They were always drier and crumbier than their counterparts. He did know her.

_Fuck._

~

Emma paced back and forth in the med bay while Lexi leaned against the table, her eyes following Emma. Emma had no idea why she came in here, but it wasn’t really like she had anywhere else to go. Lexi had calmly observed as Emma had stormed in, sat down and pored over a journal, before tossing it aside in frustration and getting up to pace. Shoulders slumped, Emma stopped moving and plopped down in a chair. Nowhere in her journal had there been any mention of Scott or her childhood with the Ryder family. Maybe she had believed she would never forget.

“I received your scans from the Nexus doctors.” Lexi finally spoke up.

Emma looked over her, elbows on her knees and chin propped in her hands.

“It isn’t a side effect of the cryo sleep,” Lexi didn’t bother asking, “it’s getting progressively worse.”

Emma nodded.

“The nanites are replicating all cells, including brain cells, to replace old cells. Alec believed they were designed to purposefully erase the memories of their hosts over time.” SAM spoke for the first time this morning.

“You should tell-“ Lexi started speaking.

“There is no reason to tell anyone. I will not be staying. _I can’t stay_.” Emma couldn’t stress it enough.

“It’s my job to look after the Tempest crew. Let me help you.”

Emma stood, “With all due respect Doctor T’Perro, I’m not a crew member. I don’t belong here. Thank you for the offer, but I am doing just fine.”

“Then why are you pushing people away?”

“It’s better that way.”

“For them or for you?”

“Both.”


	7. Not a Morning Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and SAM have a conversation, Jaal snores loud enough to saw wood, and he is incredibly chipper in the morning.

Emma sat on the couch in the conference room, one leg tucked underneath the other, and a mug of steaming hot coffee in her hand. The Tempest still had the night lights on and most of the crew were still sleeping. Except for Emma. No matter what she had tried, the small naps she had managed to get were fraught with nightmares. It made her restless. Apparently, it did not matter if she slept in a tin box or the largest room known to man, she still had to contend with nightmares. A sigh escaped her mouth as she wrapped the blanket, courtesy of Vetra, tightly around her shoulders. Loud snores from the tech lab echoed up the ramp. There was no question why Jaal did not sleep in the crew quarters if he snored like a freight train.

“Seriously, is he chopping down redwoods in there?” She whispered between her teeth to her coffee.

Her omnitool pinged and Emma set down the coffee on the floor to open the message. Thankfully, Hedrak hadn’t taken a long time reply back to her. He was sending her coordinates to a weapons dealer on Elaaden. Emma wasn’t very fond of the hotter than the devil’s nutsack planet, but Scott had informed everyone that they would be making a stop at Drack’s request. He had requested her to join him, but she declined. He tried his best to hide his forlorn expression when he instead chose Cora and Vetra to accompany him.

For once, she wasn’t being mean, she just had actual business to attend to. She had submitted an order for more arrows weeks ago, but had been dodged every time she tried to inquire after it. With the coordinates now in hand it was the perfect time to pay a visit and get her money’s worth in either weapons or broken bones. Scott would not approve and it was why she hadn’t told him. For the last three days he had followed her around, mother henning her until she snapped at him that she could indeed eat, sleep, and take a piss without assistance. He was trying to bond, to get her to remember, but as much as his efforts frustrated her they also made her feel shitty.

She sent a quick reply back to Hedrak and picked up her coffee.

“Good morning Emma.” SAM spoke as she took a sip.

“I’ve been up for hours, I’m surprised you didn’t speak to me sooner.”

“I was waiting. I know my presence irritates you, more so when you are not well rested.”

She hummed in response, “You’ve been learning manners.”

“Being connected to Scott has taught me many things. It is an honor to learn so much.”

Emma paused as it sounded as if SAM was almost proud of Scott, it was strange for an AI to be so wholly invested in someone.

“Why him?” She blurted out.

“I don’t understand what you are asking.”

“Why did Alec make him the Pathfinder? Cora was his second and yet he transferred your protocols to his son instead. Why?”

“I do not know, but it seems Alec had intended to select Scott despite protocol. I believe the reason will be revealed when Scott finds enough memory triggers.”

“Memory triggers?”

“Yes. Alec hid away certain memories until Scott finds enough triggers to unlock them. There are secrets Alec wanted to keep from his children. _All of his children_.”

Emma ignored the inflection in his last statement, “Why would Alec want to hide secrets?”

“Possibly for the same reason you do. You did not tell Scott about your own memory loss. Why?”

“There’s no reason to.”

“They would want to know.” SAM persisted.

“No. I don’t need pity. I got enough of that from Alec.” She cupped her had around the mug to keep it steady as her hands started to shake.

“Alec did not pity you Emma. He did feel bad that he pushed you into the military. When you received the head injury while clearing out pirates in Amaranthine he blamed himself. He knew that the injury caused the nanites to become more aggressive when replicating your cells.”

“And yet in the end I just ended up being a guinea pig for you SAM.” She didn’t bother hiding the bitterness in her voice.

“My apologies. I have upset you. That was not my intention, but it is important that you know, I was created to benefit you as much as I was created to benefit Alec.”

Emma didn’t respond, her grip tight on the now cold mug. She let out a breath and swiped away an angry tear that dared escape, and stood. It was time for a new cup of coffee before she suited up and ventured out into Elaaden. Of course, she would have to wait till Scott left, but she was nothing if not patient. The tech lab was finally quiet as she proceeded down the ramp. Either he stopped breathing in his sleep or he was awake. Emma got her answer when the door to the tech lab opened and Jaal filled out the doorway. He rubbed his eyes, still sleepy-looking, but he cracked a smile when seeing her.

No matter when he saw her he was always smiling at her. For some reason, he genuinely like her company and she was too taken aback to be nasty. Over the past few days he had managed to find out some of her history, her favorite color (purple), and how fond she was of cats. When she told him how much she liked cats, his chest seemed to swell with some sort of pride. Liam told her later that he was flattered, because she had called him a cat. Then he had a laughed because she blushed and stammered out that she had not meant it like that.

It didn’t matter. Jaal had made it his personal mission to crack Emma.

“Good morning Emma!”

She squinted at him until her ears stopped ringing from how loud his voice was, “Morning Jaal.”

He immediately fell into step beside her as they walked towards the kitchen. The silence stretched between them, but it didn’t feel awkward, at least, not for Emma. His arm brushed against her own and she did her best not to flinch. She could feel his eyes on her, analyzing her as if staring at the right side of her face would somehow make her easier to understand. She cleared her throat awkwardly until he looked away.

“Will you be staying on the Tempest today?” He still shot her glances from the corner of his eyes.

“Uh yeah, I suppose. I’m not very fond of the heat.”

“Yet you lived on Kadara.”

“There wasn’t really any other place to go.” Emma sipped her cold coffee and made a small face.

“You could have stayed on the Nexus. You were not exiled.” Jaal hummed thoughtfully.

“I’m not partial to floating tin cans.”

The conversation carried them into the kitchen, which was still blessedly empty. Emma poured her cold coffee down the sink and rinsed the cup before setting it down on the counter. Jaal watched her movements as she grabbed sweetener and dry creamer from the cabinet.

“You do not like small spaces?” He leaned against the small counter, his hulking form nearly taking it over.

“Who would after spending half their life in a cell.”

He frowned at the nonchalance in her tone. His eyes darted between her movements and various parts of her body. If he wasn’t staring at her hands, then he was staring at her hair, fascinated at how wisps of hair fell out of her bun. Emma’s heart thudded in her chest when he reached forward to touch the strands of hair. Her hand had stopped reaching for the coffee pot as she stared at his hand from the corner of her eye.

“You’re very beautiful.” His voice was gruff as his hand moved closer to brush the hair behind her ears.

The sound of someone clearing their throat in the entrance of the kitchen made Emma pull back and refocus back on her coffee. Jaal was left with his hand hovering in midair before he pulled his arm back to his side. Emma poured the coffee into her cup and grabbed it, nearly burning her fingers. Cora was standing in the door her eyes narrowed at Emma.

“You’ll be staying on the ship.” The way Cora said it, Emma was pretty sure it was more of a statement and less of question.

“I don’t see why I’d get off here.” Emma retorted moving towards the exit.

“We don’t-“

“Look Cora, I’m not on the Pathfinder’s team and I want to be off this ship as much as you want me off. As soon as we land in Kadara I will be slinking back to my hole and pretending like none of this ever happened.”

Emma moved around Cora, only looking back to see the disheartened look on Jaal’s face. This is the exact opposite of what needed to be happening. Maybe she should get off here and find a shuttle back to Kadara. A small part of her begged her to stay, but she squashed that part down. The last thing she needed was attachments. The last thing she needed was people to lose.

~

Emma slunk through the cargo hold, trying to be as quiet as possible. Scott had left with his ground team about an hour ago. That would be enough time to meet with his contact and run off to New Tuchanka. Suvi and Kallo were on the bridge and Gil was in the engine room. It had been awhile since she had seen Jaal and Liam, but maybe they had decided to hang out in the tech lab. Quietly, she made her way down the ramp and instantly regretted her choice. Even with her armor, the heat made her bodysuit stick to her in ways she could have never fathomed. She always had a love/hate relationship with Kadara, but it was nothing compared to Elaaden. A shower was going to be required after this.

Emma ignored the stares from the scavengers as they watched her disembark from the Pathfinder’s ship. She was uncomfortable with the amount of attention. Normally, no one ever noticed her and that always worked in her favor. At least she had worn the helmet when leaving or surprising her dealer would have been a no go. Emma followed the general population to small set of buildings. If the e-mail Hedrak had sent her was accurate, then her dealer was holed up in one of the smaller buildings. Thankfully, the stares died down as she continued until she was right outside the building. She stepped inside and was met with air that wasn’t as hot as outside, but she wouldn’t call it cool.

A turian with no markings looked up as Emma walked in. She was standing near a table filled with almost every weapon imaginable. Even some that didn’t look quite familiar, Emma assumed they were kett weapons.

“Can I help you?” The turian gestured to her wares.

Emma took off her helmet and sat it on a stool by the door. She stepped closer to the turian who was looking really unnerved.

“Arrows.” Emma clasped her hands behind her back, “I ordered them quite a while ago and it’s been nothing but radio silence since.”

Understanding dawned on the turian’s face before she held her hand up and turned to a small crate beside the table.

“I had a few ideas when crafting these. You ordered a few standard arrows and some more explosive bolts. Those were quick to complete, but I made a few prototypes I wanted you to try out. How often does one get the chance to make arrows? Until you asked for them, I had never heard of anyone even using a bow.” The turian rambled while she lifted the crate onto a nearby desk and popped it open.

She laid out Emma’s original order along with a few new arrows. She stared at Emma expectantly as Emma inspected the arrows. Emma picked up one of the prototypes and stared at it before looking at the turian expectantly.

“That’s an EMP bolt, it fries any circuit within a 100 feet radius. It might need a few tweaks so I’m hoping you’ll let me know how it works.”

“What about the others?” Emma asked, hardly containing her own excitement over trying them out.

“This one contains a concentration of acid that will discharge upon impact, this one is a smoke bomb, this one releases a high-pitched noise that will confuse your enemy, and this one is a flashbang.”

Emma nodded, “I’ll take them. How much do I owe you?”

“You already paid for the original order, the prototypes are no charge, I just to know how they work and what I can do to improve them. Who knows? It’s a new galaxy, I could have a whole new market.”

Emma snorted, “You’d at least have one customer.”

“I’m Ruvea by the way.” The turian held out her hand.

Emma reached out and clasped her hand firmly but quickly, “Emma.”

Ruvea smiled at her and wrapped the arrows before placing them back in the crate. She slid the crate across the desk to Emma who picked it up and balanced it on her hip. She wasn’t quite sure how she was going to sneak back onto the Tempest with her new cargo, but who cared. Part of her was almost tempted to run around Elaaden and test out the new weapons. Emma used her other hand to pick up her helmet and place it on her head. She held up a gloved hand to Ruvea as the woman waved her out the door. Emma stepped out onto the platform and turned to head back down the ramp.

“Emma.”

The sound of her name made her stop in tracks. Jaal stood a few feet in front of her his arms crossed across his broad chest. Liam stood beside him in full Initiative armor smirking at her through the visor of his helmet. She shifted the crate on her hip and waved halfheartedly.

“Busted.” Liam grinned at her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been awhile. I've been trying to catch up on my fics and I finally feel well enough to do so. I have big plans for this arc and what is going to follow. If you liked please comment or leave a kudo. I love feedback or just general conversation. <3


	8. My Middle Name is Reckless

Emma walked back to the Tempest, sandwiched in between Jaal and Liam. She hadn’t said much when they caught her and they hadn’t asked yet. She tried her best to ignore the wounded looks Jaal threw her way. Yes, she had lied to him and yes, she should feel bad. Sad thing is, she kind of did. Not that she would ever admit it. The scavengers on either side of them sneered as the group walked past. The Initiative wasn’t exactly popular around these parts.

“You lied.” Jaal finally spoke.

Emma cleared her throat and shifted the crate to her hip, “Uh yeah. I did.”

“Why?”

“I- I had business I had to take care of.”

“You could have just said so. There was no reason to sneak off the ship.” Liam shrugged.

“I’m not used to having to tell others where I am going.”

“Well we’re a team and it’s important to know where everyone is going-“

“I am not on your team. I’m a stowaway.” Emma interrupted him.

“Doesn’t the lone wolf act get old?” Liam rolled his eyes, exasperated.

“No-“ Emma started.

“What is a lone wolf?” Jaal asked.

Emma rolled her eyes as Liam explained the concept of a lone wolf to Jaal. She did her best to tune them out. It didn’t matter how much sweet talking any of them did. She wasn’t a part of a team. She wasn’t a potential member of the Pathfinder’s crew. That wasn’t even an option when Alec was alive. There was no way the Initiative would accept her so readily. Tann would lay an egg if he thought a freak was joining his intergalactic dream team.

“Emma.” SAM’s voice broke her out of her thoughts.

“Yes SAM.” Emma spoke over Jaal and Liam who were now discussing Milky Way movies.

“I have tuned into a local frequency. Scavengers believe Ryder is in possession of a remnant drive core. I believe they mean to ambush the ground team.”

That statement shut the other two up and they huddled around Emma asking SAM a million questions. Emma looked around and noticed a few vehicles located at the edge of the port.

“They have the nomad, how are we supposed to get to them?” Liam looked worried.

“I have an idea.” Emma handed Jaal the crate and he took it without question. She walked away from the others and towards a small group of scavengers hovering near the vehicles. Perhaps if she asked nicely they would let her borrow one. Who they hell was she kidding? She was either going to have to pay through the nose or fight them for one. She was low on credits so fighting it was. She didn’t have to turn around to know Jaal and Liam were hot on her heels. It was a good thing being from the Initiative wouldn’t work on them anyways. The scavengers perked up seeing her approach, their hands already straying to their weapons. Emma stepped out into the uncovered section of the port, the sun somehow 50 times hotter than before. God, she hated this planet.

“What the hell do you want?” One of them grunted, his finger dangerously close to the trigger.

Emma held her hands up and shook her head, “No trouble. I just need to uh…borrow your vehicle.”

A few of them laughed and jostled each other. Even the one who originally spoke chuckled before shaking his head and pointing at her.

“I like a girl with a sense of humor, but that’s not happening.” He stepped towards her.

Emma’s own chuckle was muffled by her helmet, “Yeah it’s not really humor. I’m taking your vehicle.”

“Don’t push your luck. We had a good laugh. You walk away now and I don’t shoot you and your friends.”

“Are you in charge here?” Emma gestured to him.

“So what if I am?”

“Well if you are it makes this next part really easy.”

“What par-“

The sound of him slamming into one of the posts made the other’s freeze. Emma had kicked him square in the chest and sent him backwards about ten feet. The post wobbled from the impact. The poor guy wheezed as he struggled to take in a breath. Not much of a fight. Thank goodness for that. No one else made a move on her. They looked at her with some sort of awe, but kept their distance.

“Like I said, I’m borrowing your vehicle.” Emma gestured for Liam and Jaal to get in the Nomad.

When they didn’t move she rolled her eyes and opened the door. Taking the crate from Jaal she tossed it in the back. If they wanted to stay here fine she would go help Scott. Wait. Why was she helping anyways? This went against every core instinct in her to run. Maybe it was the heat melting her brain and making her feel somewhat responsible for Alec Ryder’s son. She let out an exasperated sigh.

“Are we allowed to steal this?” Jaal touched her gently on the arm.

“We aren’t stealing Jaal, we are borrowing. I’ll bring it back.” She went to hoist herself up into vehicle before a tug on her armor brought her back down. Liam glowered at her.

“This isn’t how we do things.” He crossed his arms across his chest.

“Look, if you want to hold hands and make daisy chains with the scavengers you’re more than welcome. You can also stand here and argue with me over policy. However, neither of those things is going to save your Pathfinder.” She gestured to the inside of the vehicle.

Jaal clapped his hand down on Liam’s shoulder and nodded. He moved past Emma and climbed in the backseat. Liam grunted in disapproval, but followed him in, strapping into the passenger seat. Emma climbed in after them and shut the door. She removed her helmet and shook out her hair. Wisps stuck to her forehead from the immense amount of sweat that poured down her face.

“SAM, I need Scott’s location.” Emma turned the vehicle on and stepped on the gas, causing everyone to slam back into their seats. “Sorry, I’m a bit rusty.”

“It can’t be any worse than you kicking someone into a steel post.” Liam grit his teeth while gripping his seat belt tightly.

“You never know.” She muttered.

Liam grunted, but otherwise didn’t say anything else. Jaal was in the back throwing her small glances here and there. The silence made Emma uncomfortable, a first for her. She concentrated on getting up and over the mountains of sand. So much sand.

“You know, you kind of have an attitude problem.” Liam remarked, looking a little green.

“Like I’ve never heard that one before.”

“I bet that’s the nicest way someone has said it.” He gnashed his teeth together as they coasted down a dune.

“You’re probably right.”

They were nearing Scott’s location when Emma realized she didn’t have a weapon. She had arrows, but no bow. Hell, she didn’t even have a gun. She probably should have stolen one of those too. Leaving one hand on the wheel, she reached under the seat hoping they had stashed a gun underneath. Liam swore when the vehicle swerved a bit while she looked. Shooting him an apologetic grin she placed her other hand back on the wheel. It was short lived when she slammed on the brakes as they reached a clearing between dunes. They could see nomad and the others. Scott was on top of the nomad shooting at a group of ahdi. However, he didn’t seem to notice the fiend that was running towards him at top speed.

“We have to warn him!” Liam raised his omnitool close to his mouth.

“I have a better idea.” She turned and double checked that Jaal was strapped in tight.

“I don’t think I’m going to like this.” Jaal remarked when he caught the look on her face.

She smirked at him and he looked startled, “Probably not.”

Before either of them could say anything, Emma gunned it, heading straight for the fiend. The behemoth was too trained on Scott, who finally noticed the hulking beast gunning straight for him, to notice the vehicle racing across the sand until it struck it right in its side.  Groans filled the vehicle after the impact. Emma tightened her grip on the wheel and looked up as the fiend turned to focus on them.

“Great.” Liam muttered while giving her a healthy dose of side-eye, “I hope you have a plan now.”

“Why was this even the plan?” Jaal complained from the backseat.

Emma threw the vehicle in reverse as the fiend turned to ram them. It missed by a few feet and turned to follow the vehicle.

“You’re not going to be able to go over the dunes in reverse!” Liam gripped the seatbelt so hard his knuckles turned white.

“Right,” she muttered, “how good of a driver are you?”

“What?”

Emma unbuckled the seat belt, “I need you to drive and I need a gun.”

She turned the wheel to avoid a dune coming up on the rear, leading the fiend in a giant circle. Liam stared at her wide-eyed until she repeated the request again. He shook his head, but unbuckled his own harness and took the wheel from her. The transition was not as smooth she would have liked. Namely because he decided to go over instead of under and she had a few seconds worth of ass in her face. She reached across Liam to grab her helmet and strap it on. Jaal leaned forward and handed her a pistol.

“Thanks.” She stuck the pistol into the holster on her thigh.

“What are you going to do?”

She wasn’t used to genuine sounding concern, but she smirked at him, not that he could see it through her helmet, “Something stupid.”

She kicked opened the door and reached for the bars above the door. Using them to pull herself up onto the top of the vehicle, she kicked the door shut and shimmied until she was all the way on the roof. Now that she was outside she could hear the gunshots and now Scott’s panicked shouts. Vetra had her rifle trained on the fiend, but it would take forever to penetrate through its armor. The fiend had noticed her on the roof and it opened its mouth to spit its acid on her. She took the opportunity to sit up and grab her pistol and shoot it in the mouth, but the fiend closed its mouth causing the bullet to glance off its armor.

“Damn.” That wasn’t going to work as well as she had hoped.

Thankfully the fiend wasn’t going to wait too long before it prepared to try and shoot acid at her once more. If she shot too soon then she would have wasted another bullet for nothing. So, she waited, until she could see the acid coming for her before she shot. The acid landed on her boot and she hissed as some of it ate through her boot and sizzled against her skin, but the bullet hit its mark. The fiend snarled as the bullet went through the roof of its mouth. It stopped chasing the vehicle for a moment, but a moment was long enough. Emma pounded the top of the vehicle a couple times hoping Liam would understand what to do next. She jerked forward as he quickly switched gears and rammed the fiend again causing it to flip over. Emma slid down a fraction, her fingers gripping the bars before she completely fell off the roof. Her and Vetra both took the opportunity to shoot at its belly while it was exposed. The fiend tried its best to get back up, but one last well placed shot to its throat finally stilled it. Emma’s heart still pounded in her ears and her breath fogged up the visor of her helmet. She let out a breath and laid back on the roof. The sun could bake her on the roof for all she cared right now.

Scott was off the crates and moving towards them followed by Cora and Vetra. Liam and Jaal climbed out of the vehicle both looking like they could kiss the ground. Emma sat up and stared down at the group, not quite ready to move yet.

“Do you have any idea how reckless that was!” Scott yelled up at her.

Before she could he answer, he continued shouting.

“You could have gotten yourself killed. You endangered my team. You have destroyed someone else’s property. You could have gotten _killed_.”

She slid down from the roof them, landing on the sand. She hoped no one noticed her stumble or the hole in her boot.

“I think you’re overexaggerating just a bit.”

“Overexaggerating? Emma, you can’t just heal if you’re eaten by a giant fucking beast!”

“Scott-“

“You don’t want to be a part of the team? Fine, I can’t make you stay. But don’t be a fucking jerk Emma.”

She didn’t have anything to say to that. Everyone looked extremely uncomfortable by the tension simmering between the two, but they were surprised when Emma said nothing. She handed the pistol back to Jaal and held her hands up. Turning her back to the crew she climbed in the passenger seat of the vehicle and strapped herself in, waiting for Jaal and Liam.

Scott gave orders for Liam and Jaal to take the vehicle back to wherever they got it from and go back to the Tempest. He stared at Emma a moment before making a noise of disgust and shaking his head. He remarked that he would discuss it with her further back on the Tempest before heading back towards the Nomad. Jaal climbed back in the backseat and Liam took over the driver’s seat again and strapped back in. It was a quieter trip back to the settlement.

“He may have been a little harsh, but he isn’t wrong. What you did was reckless and he was worried.” Liam finally spoke up.

Emma remained tight lipped as she stared out the window.

“Perhaps if you told him why you wanted to help. Maybe he would understand.” Jaal added from the backseat.

“Forget it. I shouldn’t have even bothered.” She murmured.

Liam stared at her a moment before shaking his head. It wasn’t the first time someone was frustrated because they couldn’t reach her, and it wouldn’t be the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in a little bit, but I am so excited to finally have an update for you guys and I hope you enjoy!


	9. No one knows the lonely one whose head's in the clouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope everyone had a great holiday and is having a good new year so far!

Emma sat in the quiet galley. Scott and the others were still out on Elaaden doing Pathfinder shit and she was grounded. As soon as she boarded the Tempest Liam confiscated her arrows as per the Pathfinder’s order. She imagined they would be locked up wherever her bow and pistol were. Jaal had just looked at her apologetically which pissed her off even more. She should have just let Scott get eaten by the fiend and called it a day. Hell, if she had just let the remnant do its job none of this would be her problem. She would have her bow, her dignity, and wouldn’t have a throbbing burn on her foot. It would be prudent to have Lexi look at it, but it was easier to focus on the burning pain than the question that had nagged her since Scott had sent her back to the ship.

Why had she helped in the first place?

Emma shoved the rest of the protein bar in her mouth to focus on chewing instead of trying to answer the question. A loud grunt from the doorway prompted her to look up. Drack’s hulking form filled the doorway, his gaze straying to her before he entered the kitchen. Presumably to cook some more Drack surprise for dinner. Normally when people called food a surprise she stayed far away, but Drack wasn’t a terrible cook.

“I hear the kid has to do some damage control at the port.” Drack pulled a pot from the cabinet and set it down with a metallic clang.

Emma swallowed the large chunk of protein bar she had just taken and nodded, “I suppose so.”

“You don’t think ahead much, do you?” Drack hadn’t turned to look at her as he asked his question.

Emma opened her mouth to answer, but found she really couldn’t. Drack looked at her then, his gaze intense. He wasn’t just looking at her. He was seeing her. It was probably the most uncomfortable she had been in her life.

“Scott’s a good kid. He didn’t ask for any of this, but he is making the most of it. He gives a shit about everyone aboard this ship and everybody struggling out there.” Drack pointed at her.

“Nobody asked for any of this.” She scoffed.

“You treat the kid like it’s his fault Alec is gone.”

“I don’t-“

“You’re not the only one who lost him.”

Drack turned back to his cooking leaving her open-mouthed. She didn’t treat him as if it was his fault. Alec Ryder made the choice to save his son and she wasn’t angry at Scott for that. Did he really think that? She couldn’t even say she was angry at Scott she just didn’t want to set herself up for more disappointment. Alec Ryder stood by her side and helped her, but she couldn’t count on her son to do the same. She didn’t even remember him. He spoke of things they did and things they said and she didn’t remember any of it. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe it was time for her be alone and just go on with her life. Being part of the Pathfinder team was never going to happen, even when Alec was alive. Why would that change now?

Assuming their conversation was over Emma slid out from the booth and limped to the door. Liam should be done with the shower by now. She was sure she would be scrubbing sand out of every orifice for days, might as well start now. Drack grunted again as she exited the room.

“Should get that leg checked out.”

Emma nodded and held up a one finger salute as she headed to the showers. She didn’t miss Drack’s roar of laughter as the doors shut behind her. She was right. Liam had finished with the showers and they were blissfully empty. She rubbed her hand over the mirror and took in how damn tired she looked. She pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor, leaving herself in her leggings and a sports bra. Leaving a hand on the counter for leverage she leaned down to untie her boot. She winced while pulling the boot off. Standing up she held it front of her face.

“Damn.”

She was going to need a new set of boots. The acid had eaten clean through the boot, it made her hesitant to look at her foot. Taking her time, she kicked off her other boot before hopping up on the counter. She sat back and pulled her foot up to peel the fabric of her sock back from where it had stuck to her skin. Thankfully, most of her skin had been repaired and the burns weren’t as bad as she would have thought. The boot probably kept the acid from eating its way right to the bone.

The doors opened letting in a burst of cool air.

“Emma?”

She paused with the sock halfway peeled off and looked up. Jaal stared at her in a mix of horror and concern. His eyes were stuck on the burn on her leg before he looked back up at her face.

“I should get Lexi.” He spoke but he didn’t move.

“It’s fine. I just need medigel and it’ll be fine.” She spoke through her teeth, “It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

She was lying. It hurt like a bitch. In fact, she kind of wanted to cry, but not in front of the crew. She blinked back the small tears that pricked at her eyelids and forced a small smile. He didn’t look convinced.

“I’ll be right back.” He turned and left the bathroom leaving her alone again.

She breathed a small sigh of relief. Taking advantage of that fact, she closed her eyes and just pulled her sock off the rest of the way. It was like tearing off a band aid that had scabbed over. Emma made a small noise in her throat and nothing stopped the few tears that ran down her face. She looked at the mottled skin on her foot and ankle and shook her head. Stupid fiends. The door opened again and she hastily wiped her cheeks. Jaal had returned with a tube of medigel and bandage. He set the bandages down on the counter beside her and opened the tube. She reached for it, but he was already squeezing a small amount on his finger.

“What are you doing?”

“Lexi told me to apply the medigel to the affected area and then wrap it in bandages.” He answered looking up at her.

“I can do it.” She reached for the medigel, but he made no moves to give it to her.

“May I touch you Emma?” He asked, waiting for her answer.

She wanted to smack herself for the visceral reaction those words elicited from her. Heat coiled in her belly before spreading across her skin. She felt it reach her chest and cheeks causing her skin to redden. He stared at her innocently before gesturing to the burn. She stifled a small cough and turned her head to the side. He meant the burn, of course the burn, nothing else. Dammit. She nodded without looking at him as he gently applied the gel to her burn. She couldn’t feel anything, except for pain, but she imagined his touch didn’t feel all that bad. When he was finished he stood straight and grabbed the bandages. He didn’t bother asked her again before he wrapped the bandage around her ankle and foot. Time crawled by as he did so leaving her time to study him from the corner of her eye. She watched the way his eyes widened and he lips pursed into a tight line as he concentrated on wrapping it just right. The freckles that stretched across his brow reminded her of stars. He stepped back to admire his handiwork and she shook her head to dispel her line of thinking.

“Thank you.” Her voice was stiff and quiet.

“Does it hurt?”

“A little.” She slid off the counter and stood, keeping the bulk of her weight off her foot.

They stood in awkward silence both staring at each other and then not staring at each other, before staring at each other again. She cleared her throat and nodded to the showers.

“I suppose I’ll just shower now.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment before nodding, “Right. I’ll just go.”

He backed towards the doors. She nodded and held her hand up in a half-hearted wave, “Later then.”

She didn’t breathe again until he was out the doors. She sagged in relief and scrubbed a hand down her face. Oh god what was happening to her.

~

Emma had managed to avoid Scott and the others when they boarded the ship. She had opted out of dinner and instead stayed in the vidcom room. After journaling and yoga, she settled down on the couch and watched Elaaden float underneath them through the window. No matter how many times she stared at the vastness of space, it always managed to take her breath away. The loud sounds camaraderie from the kitchen had quieted down some time ago and she imagined most of the crew was sleeping by now. Emma stretched out on the couch and wrapped herself tightly in the blanket. Her music player was clutched in her hand and Dreamboat Annie played through her ear buds. She should be asleep. It was late and she was tired, but no matter what sleep just wasn’t happening.

Maybe it was what Drack said, or how Jaal made her feel when he treated her like a…friend. It was nice. To feel like she belonged for a small moment. She sighed and kicked off the blanket. Sleep was clearly not happening. She stood up and paced the length of the room. Friends weren’t something she had. She had associates. People she did business with so she could survive. She didn’t have family. She was alone and she liked it. She liked the quiet and the silence and the…loneliness. The world infiltrated her mind and she groaned. No. She wasn’t lonely. She was content. The Tempest was small and full and there was no room for her.

_I wish there was room._

She closed her eyes and tried to remove that thought. She couldn’t stay. There wasn’t a place for someone like her here. Her thoughts moved as fast as her feet as she argued with herself. When she looked up she was standing in front of the Pathfinder’s quarters. While arguing with herself she had walked all around the ship until she ended up here.

_That doesn’t mean anything._

She turned from the door until she heard it open.

“Emma?”

Scott’s voice, sounding has tired as she felt, stopped her in her tracks. Wincing slightly, she turned and faced him. He leaned against the door to his quarters and stared at her waiting for her to speak. She didn’t know what the hell to say. Or what he wanted her to say. He watched her for a moment before standing up straight. He gestured for her to follow him before he turned and walked back into his room. This was it. If she followed him she was opening the door to an entanglement. An anchor in the vastness of space. She took a deep breath and followed him into his room. It was huge and felt empty. It lacked the presence of a Pathfinder and Emma could tell that in the way Scott’s shoulder’s drooped as he walked through the room and sat on his bed. She stood in the middle of the room, unsure of where he wanted her to go.

“I’m sorry.” He broke the silence with those two words.

She nearly choked, “You’re sorry?”

“I know you were trying to help and I was harsh.”

She sat down gingerly beside him on the bed, “I should apologize too. I wasn’t thinking.”

Neither of them said anything for a few moments. Emma didn’t know where to go from here. Should she broach the subject of Alec? Should she just leave and let it be?

“You really don’t remember me?” Scott turned and looked at her.

She shook her head, “I don’t remember a lot before Amarinthine. The only thing I remember definitively is Alec and how he saved me from the facility. Everything else, is just like a hole. I feel memories are there, but I can’t see them.”

“It must be difficult.”

“It’s frustrating. Not just not remembering, but the pity that comes from it. I want to remember, but I just can’t.”

“I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I had just hoped that there was someone awake who I knew I could lean on.”

“What about your crew?”

“They’re a good crew, but they know me as the Pathfinder. I can trust them and they have my back. But they didn’t know me before coming here. With dad gone and Sara in a coma, I just felt so alone.” He scrubbed a hand down his face before leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

“I can…understand that.”

They both lapsed into silence, however it felt a little more comfortable than usual. Emma contemplated leaving and trying to sleep once more before Scott stood and walked over to his desk.

“Drink?” He grabbed a bottle from the desk.

She nodded, “A drink would be nice.”

“Good thing Vetra managed to snag this bottle before out hasty retreat from Kadara.” He grabbed two glasses from his desk and walked back over to the bed.

“Sorry about that.” She smirked.

“You make a good entrance, that’s for sure.” He filled the glasses almost to the top before handing her one.

“And I can appreciate how you pour whiskey.” She took a small sip.

He held up his glass a wry smile on lips, “To Andromeda and new bullshit around every corner.”

She clinked her glass against his, “I can drink to that Scott Ryder.”


	10. When Did This Storm Begin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was later than I intended. We had a pretty bad loss in our family and it was rough to find the will to write. I hope you guys enjoy!

**Amaranthine, 2184**

Emma kicked the door shut behind her, sealing the cold out, and took off her helmet. Another boring patrol duty. She couldn’t wait for her time to be up. One more week and she was granted two weeks of shore leave. Just in time for Scott and Sara’s birthdays. Two weeks on the Citadel with artificial sun and Alec’s horrible dad jokes. She smiled to herself as she unbuckled her armor. It had been a few months since they had all been able to get together and Alec had been alluding to a huge surprise for her for months. Emma kicked her locker shut when her omnitool beeped. She opened the communications display.

“What’s up Kennedy?”

“Good timing, your dad’s calling again.” A bored voice intoned from her wrist.

She snorted, “For the millionth time, he’s not my dad. I’m on my way.”

All she earned was a short whatever and then the line went silent. Emma power walked through the hallways to head to the com room. Alec Ryder wasn’t her dad, but she wished he was. Him and Ellen had practically raised her. It would be nice to call them family. It wasn’t that they hadn’t tried. However, the council was still not convinced that she wasn’t a threat. Every year they called on her and Alec to check up on her progress. They considered her illegal, but other than killing her outright there wasn’t really anything they could do, but watch and neutralize her if necessary.

The com room was empty except for Kennedy who stood and mock saluted her before leaving the room. She could hear him complaining about not eating in hours until he was far enough down the hall. He always acted bored and like he didn’t give a shit. Yet, he always left the room during her personal calls and left extra ration bars in her locker after long patrols. Maybe when they were both done with this duty station he wouldn’t mind getting a drink sometime.

She sat in one of the chairs and pressed a button to connect the call. She only had to wait a few seconds before Alec Ryder’s face filled the screen. His eyes softened when he saw her and she smiled in return.

“Two calls in a week, it must be a special occasion.” She leaned forward on her elbows.

“I wanted to confirm your shore leave.” His mouth twitched, but he hid his smile.

“We confirmed it two days ago. Are you sure that’s what this is about?”

“I just want to make sure everyone will be there.”

“We miss one year and you’re all over us. Have you been calling Scott and Sara this much?” She narrowed her eyes playfully.

“Yes, but you’re the only one who answers me every time.” He grumbled.

She laughed, “Their duty stations are also much more interesting. I’m stuck on the icy planet from hell.”

“Maybe, you’ll consider coming to work with me?”

“The Andromeda project?”

“Yes, I think we should all go.” He leaned forward, looking at her earnestly.

She smiled sadly and leaned back in the chair, “You know they won’t let me go. I’m too dangerous”

“Emma, if you want to go. We will make it happen. I won’t leave anyone behind.”

It was too much to hope for. She would give anything to run away and explore another galaxy, but she would be surprised if they didn’t lock her up in a cell or a lab the moment he left. If he was gone, there was no one to defend her to the council anymore. Shepard was always busy and couldn’t always be there.

“Emma.” His voice had softened.

She looked up and plastered a smile on her face, “Its fine. We can talk about it when I’m there.”

He nodded looking a little crestfallen, but he would let it go for now. He started to respond, but the monitor glitched. She leaned forward, frowning. Something must be interfering with the signal. The video was choppy and the audio glitched in and out.

“Hold on, somethings up.” She pulled open the interface and tried to isolate what was messing with the video signal.

Emma barely looked up when she heard the door open behind her. It was probably just Kennedy coming back to flirt with her after her call was over.

“Somethings wrong with the signal.” She said over her shoulder, not bothering to check behind her.

“Emma!” Alec shouted.

“No need to shout, I’m trying to fix it.” She looked up and froze when she saw Alec was pointing at her.

No, not at her. Behind her. Emma sat up straight and turned to look. She was met with cold steel pressed against her forehead. Kennedy was at the other end of the gun that was aimed at her head. His usually tired green eyes, were luminescent as he stared at her.

“What the hell are you doing?” She asked carefully, quietly.

He shrugged, “Sorry Emma. It’s just business.”

“Don’t you hurt her!” Alec shouted from behind her.

Kennedy looked over her shoulder long enough to smile, his teeth razor sharp. He hadn’t always had those. Just what the hell was he? Emma tried to concentrate, just enough to harness a field to push him away. Just enough to escape from in front of the business end of the gun. He clicked his tongue and focused back on her.

“I wouldn’t do that.”

She held her hands up, “Look we can talk about this.”

“No, we can’t”

The only thing she heard was Alec Ryder yelling her name as Kennedy pulled the trigger.

**Citadel, 1 Week Later**

Alec Ryder stood outside the hospital room, ending another call with Garson while the doctor was in the room doing his rounds. Jien was becoming impatient with how long he was taking to return to work. It was only a week, but with the launch date so close, every moment was critical. Unfortunately for her, he couldn’t give a damn right now. It had taken almost two days for them to get Emma to the Citadel and in a hospital room. Two days of barely enough life support until she could be seen by an actual medical doctor in a facility. He tried not to fault anyone, no one would be prepared to medivac someone who should be dead from a headshot. After that, it was days of her hooked up to monitors and breathing tubes and IVs. The wound had healed, but she still wasn’t waking up.

Every time Alec closed his eyes he could see the gun pointing at her. He could still hear the shot booming through his speakers and the sound of her body hitting the floor. He had never felt so helpless before in his life. He could only watch as the man leaned close to the monitor and flashed his teeth.

“Olympus sends its regards.” Were the only words he had spoken before killing the vid call.

The doctor walked out of the room, frowning at a datapad, before stopping in front of Alec, “Her vital signs are fine. Functions are normal-”

“Then why isn’t she waking up?” Alec interrupted, at his wits end.

The doctor sighed, “Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve never treated someone with a… “unique condition” such as hers. We won’t really know anything more until she does wake up.”

Alec scrubbed a hand down his face before nodding. The doctor shot him a sympathetic look before walking away to continue his rounds. Alec ducked back into the room and took a seat in the chair beside the bed. He reached forward to cover her hand with his own. She looked so small and vulnerable like this. If there wasn’t a tube shoved down her throat, he could almost believe she was just sleeping. The sound of the door opening caught his attention and he sat up straight. He relaxed slightly when he saw Grace standing in the doorway staring at Emma.

“Commander.” He nodded.

Grace Shepard looked at him long enough to roll her eyes, “It’s always Grace for you Alec.”

“I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I was here for a meeting. I came down as soon as I heard.” She stepped into the room and stood on the other side of the bed.

“Ellen called you.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.

Grace nodded. They both looked down at Emma, sitting in silence. It had been awhile since he had seen Grace, but he knew occasionally, she would drop in to check on Emma. A small sigh escaped Grace’s lips and she sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Was it them?” She asked.

He didn’t have to ask to know who she was referring to. He nodded, watching as Grace tucked a stray piece of hair behind Emma’s ear.

“I don’t understand, you’ve had her for years. Why would they come after her now?”

“Ellen and I discovered their other facilities. We forced them into hiding. Maybe this is payback.” He shrugged forlornly.

“Or maybe something has changed,” Grace frowned down at her omnitool as it beeped with a message, “Either way, they can’t get their hands on her again.”

“I won’t let that happen.” It was the one damn thing he was sure of.

Grace stood up from the bed and nodded, “Then get her the hell out of here.”

~

**Present Day**

It was early when everyone crowded into the vid room. Emma pulled the blanket tightly around her shoulders while she blinked at the blurry shapes that surrounded the table. Her and Scott had stayed up late finishing the bottle, not really talking about much of anything. She still wasn’t sure what to say or what to ask. Part of her wanted to remember what she was like, what having a family was like, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. Maybe it was just better that way. Why have something to miss when she leaves?

A cup of coffee hovered in the edge of her vision and she reached for it. A small chuckle from the person offering accompanied her action. She looked up into familiar galaxy eyes. Jaal waited until she took a first sip before sitting beside her gently on the couch. The couch still groaned slightly under their combined weights, but held up.

“How is your ankle?” He asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the other’s conversations.

She poked her foot from out of the blanket to show him the slightly pink skin of her ankle. It was healed and looked none the worse for wear. He reached out and gently poked her ankle as if to reassure himself that she was fine. One corner of her mouth uplifted in a slight smile before she pulled her foot back underneath the blanket. Jaal looked as if he might say something else, but Scott coming up the ramp made him shut it again. Scott looked way more hungover than she did, but he did his best to hide it. It didn’t stop Peebee snickering from across the table.

Scott cleared his throat and drew everyone’s attention, “We’ll be docking at Nexus in a half hour. We’ll be here for two days, so it is as close to a shore leave as we will get for a while. Cora is with me for the meeting with leadership. Kallo, Suvi, and Gil I need a full inspection of the Tempest to make sure she is good to go. If we need anything of importance pass it on to Vetra, she will make sure we get what we need from here. I’ll let her break up the rest of you into teams to go through supplies. After that your time is your own.”

A few people groaned, mostly Peebee, but others nodded in agreement. Emma wasn’t quite sure where she fit into the equation. She wasn’t a part of the crew, but it’s not like she had anything else to do but help. It was better than stepping foot back on the Nexus. Staying away from the general population was always a good idea.

“Alright, if everyone is good on their assignments, you’re dismissed.” Scott turned to Emma, “Can I talk to you?” He gestured to the side.

She shrugged, “Sure.”

Jaal held out his hand for her cup and she murmured her thanks as she handed it over. Dropping the blanket from her shoulders, she stood and walked over to join Scott by the windows. She didn’t miss the way the ears of the crew all turned towards her. They were not subtle as all. Scott rolled his eyes, but leaned closed and dropped his voice as he spoke.

“I know you may not want to leave the ship, but Alec left us all messages at his terminal in his room on the Hyperion. I thought you may want to hear the message for you.”

Emma crossed her arms over her chest and looked away, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to, I just thought you would like to know it’s there.” He reached up to pat her arm, but he only made it halfway before he dropped his arm back down to his side.

She nodded, “Thanks.”

She moved out of his way so he could head down the ramp. A part of her wanted to go read the message, but if she did then it was final. Alec Ryder was gone and never coming back. She didn’t know if she could do it. Not yet. But could she really leave without knowing what he wanted to tell her.  

Scott paused, “By the way, there is an extra hoodie in my room if you need it.” He called over his shoulder before heading towards his quarters.

It wouldn’t matter. She wouldn’t need it. She wasn’t going. Emma turned and stared out the window at the expanse of space that stretched out before her. She could hear the crew filter out from the meeting room, disappointed that they didn’t get to hear any of Emma’s conversation. Jaal lingered a moment.

“Emma?”

“I’m not going.” She didn’t even turn.

“Not going where?” He stepped up beside her.

She looked up at him and shook her head, “Sorry, it’s nothing.”

“It is clearly not nothing.”

The urge to tell him to mind his own business was strong. It was her normal response. It was the easiest response. However, for some reason, it was not the response she wanted to give. Shit, what was happening to her. She tilted her head back and sighed, aware that he was watching her every move. He didn’t press her, he just waited patiently and quietly for her to answer or not answer.

“If I go, then he’s gone. Alec Ryder won’t be coming for me.”

“Emma,” his voice was soft as he touched her shoulder gently, “He is gone.”

“I know.” She cleared her throat to cover the slight crack in her voice. She was NOT breaking down in front of people. Fuck that.

“This seems important.”

“I should go, shouldn’t I?” Her voice was muted.

“I think it will give you some peace.”

Peace. The last time she had any real peace was before coming to Andromeda. Small moments where it was just her and Alec in his tiny lab, her music playing in the background. She closed her eyes and clung to the memory for a small moment. Jaal’s hand didn’t move from her shoulder, and while she would normally pull away, she was grateful. It kept her anchored to her body. He waited patiently for her, until she nodded. She would go.

She questioned herself the entire time. From when they finally docked on the Nexus, to her taking a spare hoodie from Scott’s room, to her rushing through the docking bay to the tram. Very few people spared her a glance, despite her hood being pulled up to avoid any questions about who she was, why her eyes looked like that (a personal favorite), to why she was with the Pathfinder’s crew. Thankfully, no one approached her and the tram ride was quiet. She had almost asked Jaal to come with her. An absolutely stupid idea. She didn’t need to rely on anyone. Not to mention he probably would have said no anyways. Not that she needed him to say yes.

Her loud sigh drew an annoyed glance her way.

Emma sank down in her chair until the tram stopped to inform them that they were aboard the Hyperion. Only a few got off at this stop and she followed them, looking around as she did so. She wasn’t sure what she expected for the ark. Maybe something more impressive. It certainly was very…white. She walked down the hall only drawing a few glances and passed through a room to a more populated area.

“Alec’s room is located in the hall to your right.” SAM spoke up.

Emma veered to the right and entered the hallway. There were only two rooms down this hall. A door to the left marked SAM node and a door at the end that was unmarked. She stood outside the door to what she assumed was Alec’s room. She contemplated turning tail, but Jaal was right. This was important. She needed to do this. Emma stepped forward, a little surprised that the door just opened.

“Alec made sure you, Sara, and Scott would have access to his room.” SAM noted her surprise.

“Yeah…thanks SAM.” She stepped through the door and let it close behind her.

On the right was Alec’s ship models and even the guns he used during the First Contact War. She stepped towards the wall and reached towards a picture that was sitting beside his Normandy ship model. There she was. Sitting in between a young Scott and who she assumed was Sara. They looked to all be about 14 or 15. Emma ran her fingers over the photograph. She looked happy in this picture. Carefully, she placed it back on the shelf. She turned to face the large terminal on the other wall. This was it. Her last chance to change her mind. SAM was blissfully silent as she stared down the computer interface.

Finally, she crossed the room and sat down in the chair in front of the terminal, “SAM, show me the message.”

“Of course, Emma.”

Alec’s face filled the screen and she had to catch her breath. There he was. Alec smiled sadly at her.

“Hello Emma. If you’re seeing this, then I didn’t make it to you.” He began.

She almost told SAM to stop the video, but she couldn’t. Her eyes wouldn’t leave the screen. Her nose started to burn and she wrinkled it in hopes of stopping the tears that were starting to form. Not now. She didn’t want to cry now.

“I don’t have much time, so I’m going to try to tell you as much as I can.” He stopped speaking and looked off to the side as if he didn’t want to look at the screen, at her.

After a moment he turned back to face the screen, “I’m so sorry, Emma, but you have been lied to. And by no one more than me.”


	11. The Landslide Brought Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this early and didn't want to make you guys wait for it. I hope you all enjoy it!

**Citadel, 2184**

One week and two days. That’s how long it took before Emma’s hand flinched under his. Alec shot up straight in his chair leaned forward. Her eyes fluttered, before opening slowly.

“Emma, I’m here.” He murmured, not wanting to overwhelm her.

Her eyes flitted to him and he balked. She looked scared, like she didn’t know him or know where she was. He waited with bated breath, not moving a muscle. Her eyes didn’t stray from his as she searched for something. He wasn’t sure what. Her mouth tried to move around the tube. Her free hand reached up to her face to feel the tube and her pulse and breathing accelerated. Alec could hear multiple coming down the hall to the room.

“It’s okay Emma, they’re going to take it out.”

It was if she didn’t hear him. She wrenched her hand free from underneath his and tried to claw at the tube. If he didn’t calm her down before the doctors got here she would get worse. He grasped her wrists gently and pulled them away from her face.

“You’ll hurt yourself Emma. Just try to remain calm.” He soothed, unsure of how well this would work.

The scared eyes of a child stared back at him. She looked back and forth between him and the doors that were now sliding open. The doctor walked in followed by two nurses. Emma tried to move as far away from them as possible. She was at the edge of the bed, her wrists still locked in Alec’s grip. This wasn’t her. Not anymore. She hadn’t acted like this since he found her in that locked room, covered in blood that wasn’t hers. The doctor balked, but one of the nurses approached slowly, making sure Emma could see her hands.

“It’s alright. It’s okay. You’re safe here. We won’t hurt you.” The nurse spoke gently, inching closer.

Emma watched her move closer and remained still, but her body was still poised to try and run. The nurse was close to the bed and stopped.

“That tube must be very uncomfortable.”

Emma just stared at her before nodding.

“Would you like me to take it out?”

Emma nodded once more, but she didn’t relax. The nurse inched closer, being very careful to move slowly and not startle Emma. She gave gentle instructions that Emma surprisingly followed, until the tube was out and laying on a small table beside the bed. The nurse stepped back as Emma gagged, trying to get used to taking in air. Alec finally let go of her wrists, but her fingers found the fabric of his sleeves and she gripped it tight.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions is that okay?” The nurse crouched beside the bed, trying to remain as nonthreatening as possible.

Emma looked at Alec before nodding.

“You’re on the Citadel, do you know what that is?”

Emma’s brows furrowed in confusion before she shook her head. Alec shared a look with the nurse. He tried to think positively. With her injury it would be normal for some confusion. He would just keep telling himself that.

“Do you know who you are?” The nurse continued.

“Em…Emma.” Emma rasped.

The nurse nodded, “Do you know who he is?” She pointed to Alec.

Emma looked at him, her eyes searching his again, “Alec.”

Alec breathed a small sigh of relief. She remembered her name and remembered him. That was a good sign. Maybe she would be fine when the disorientation wears off.

“What is the last thing you remember?”

Emma tensed, her knuckles turning white. She looked so very afraid and her eyes darted around the room.

“Blood, there was so much blood.” She whispered, tightening her grip on Alec, “It wasn’t my fault, I just wanted them to stop. It hurt.”

Her pulse jumped again. The nurse tried to soothe her, but Emma flinched away from her. The doctor nodded at the other nurse who pulled a syringe out and a bottle. Alec just stared at her. He stared into the eyes of the little girl he pulled from dead bodies. The little girl he hadn’t seen in years. The doctor ordered the other nurse to hold her down. They were going to sedate her.

“No, no no no no no.” She pleaded, her hands moving up to grip Alec’s shirt.

“It’s just to help you calm down. It won’t hurt.” The doctor tried to reason with her.

Emma stared at the syringe like it was a death sentence. Her face was taut and pale as she pleaded. Fat tears rolled down her face and dripped off her chin. Alec turned to the doctor and shook his head. He couldn’t allow them to get near her with that. It would only make her worse, more scared. She was scared enough. The doctor sighed, clearly exasperated.

“We have to.”

“If you just leave me alone with her for a few minutes I can calm her down.”

“I have orders to sedate her if she becomes hysterical.” The doctor shook his head.

“That isn’t necessary.” Alec argued.

As the Alec and the doctor went back and forth, with the doctor inching closer to Emma, the nurses stepped back. The chair and IV pole started to shake violently. Neither of them noticed, as Alec tried to countermand the doctor at every turn. He was not getting near Emma. The doctor was closer to Emma, but Alec wouldn’t let him touch her. He would protect her. He had promised when he pulled her from the facility to keep her safe. Something wet hit his arm and he looked down to see a drop of blood slide off his skin. Alec and the doctor both looked at Emma in time to see blood dripping from her nose. Her eyes seemed brighter than before as she stared at the doctor.

“No.” Her voice was strong.

The chair and IV pole flew across the room, missing the doctor’s head by inches, before hitting the wall behind them. The nurses fled from the room and the doctor dropped the syringe with a clatter. He turned back to stare at the IV pole that was wedged into the steel wall. A curse flew from his lips and he turned tail and ran. Alec looked back down at Emma. She stared up at him, her eyes dim again, before she reached to wipe the blood from her nose. The eyes that bored into his were not hers anymore. Not really. The memories, the shine that had grown in her eyes over the years, the birthdays, vacations on earth, all of it was gone. The last 11 years had disappeared with a well-placed bullet.

 His daughter was gone.

~

“I’m so sorry, Emma, but you have been lied to. And by no one more than me.”

There was no way she was going back now. She wouldn’t have been able to stop the video even if she really wanted to. He couldn’t have lied to her. What could he have lied to her about? Of all people, there was no way Alec Ryder would betray her. Was there? She swallowed hard and leaned forward, as if getting closer to the screen would give her the answers she wanted.

“It’s hard to know where to start,” he sighed, “I had hoped I would never have to tell you any of this. I just wanted you to have as normal of a life as possible.”

Another pause, another sigh, “You’re very special Emma, however you’ve been lead to believe that you are special because of the nanites. That is not true. You were already special…different.

The nanites were used to control you, suppress your abilities, and wipe your memories when necessary.”

“SAM, pause the video.” Her voice was quiet.

The video stopped right before Alec Ryder spoke again. What they hell was he talking about? What was so damn special about her that someone felt nanites were an acceptable recourse. What abilities did she have?

“Emma, I think it would be helpful for you to locate the lock box in Alec’s desk.” SAM broke through her thoughts.

“Why SAM?” She sighed, staring at Alec’s face.

“Alec left personal items for you as well as datapads containing the research he had taken from the facility that he had found you in.”

That was all Emma needed to hear. She was up, the chair sliding back until it hit the edge of the mattress, and moving towards the desk. There were books, binders, Alec’s old coffee pot, and two lockboxes.

“There’s two SAM.” She crouched down until she was eye level with the shelf that held them.

“Alec left one for each of you. Scott already has his. Yours is the blue one.”

Emma pulled out the blue one and stood back up. There was a 4-digit lock on the front. She frowned and pulled the chair back in front of the interface. Sitting down, she contemplated what the lock code could be.

“The lock code is the year your accident occurred.”

Emma frowned, the accident happened a year before Alec smuggled her onto the Nexus launch. She moved the dials until they displayed 2-1-8-4. The lock released and the box popped open.

“What would have happened if I didn’t remember that.” She mumbled.

“I would have been allowed to supply you with the code.” SAM answered, even though the question was rhetorical.

“That doesn’t seem safe.”

“I have already positively identified you as Emma Ryder. You are the only person I would have been able to release the code to.”

If she didn’t know better, she would say SAM sounded a little snarky.

“Just Emma SAM, I don’t have a last name, certainly not Alec’s last name.”

SAM was quiet and Emma shrugged before opening the box. A few datapads were scattered in the box along with a sealed bag containing a journal, like her own in design, and a small data chip for an omnitool. It was overwhelming. What should she look at first, the three different datapads that had God knows what on it or a journal that she was afraid to look at for some reason. Finally, she picked up a datapad and turned it on. Files upon files showed up on the interface. She frowned. There was so much to look through. Project names, facility names, so many damn file names. Her finger stopped over a file that just spelled OLYMPUS. Something nagged at her and she selected the file. More files, just numbers this time. She stared at them willing to make sense. After a moment of trepidation, she selected the first file: 001.

The air left her lungs as she stared into her own eyes. A picture of her popped up first, she couldn’t have been more than five or six. White gloved hands were on her shoulders, holding her in place as her mouth opened in a yell. She squeezed her eyes shut as if she could block it out. It had taken years for the nightmares about the facility to stop and she didn’t want them to start anymore. Emma’s fingers shook as she scrolled down past the picture. She didn’t want to look at it anymore. Opening her eyes, she stared at the lines of text underneath.

Her brows furrowed in as she spoke out loud to herself, “Class 5 psionic…strong telekinetic abilities…gravitational manipulation…extreme measures needed to contain…inhibitor collar insufficient…see attached video.”

Emma scrolled down through the rest of the information, charts and notes on her physiology, until she found the video files. She let out a breath and her fingers hovered over the first video file labelled: ABILITIES TEST. She had to watch. She had come this far and she needed to know.

The video filled the screen and it was just her in a room filled with various objects. Floor lamps, steel beams, cups, small tables. She stood in the center of everything with her shoulders hunched. A steel collar covered her neck in the neck. Emma reached up and touched her own bare neck as if she was afraid she would find it there. The Emma in the video flinched when an intercom beeped.

“Just do it like we said, it won’t hurt.”

The girl trembled and Emma trembled with her. An exasperated sigh sounded over the intercom and young Emma flinched. Emma’s knuckles were turning white as she gripped the datapad, unable to tear her eyes away from the video.

“Please.” The voice intoned, sounding exasperated.

“NO!” Young Emma shouted, looking scared of her own vehemence.

There were multiple voices over the intercom, all whispering to each other. They were uncertain how to proceed. She was just a child.

“Shock her.” One voice rose above the rest.

The other voices quieted down. Neither one of them questioned. There was just silence. The little girl cowered in the middle of them, her eyes darting around back and forth around her. A few moments passed before her scream pierced the silence and she reached for the collar. There were no other sounds other than her screams and her small body hitting the floor. Nobody said anything as she writhed around on the floor, until she finally begged for them to stop.

Emma’s stomach rolled as she continued to watch the video. These were memories she had blocked, hidden away so even she couldn’t find them. Why the hell would she want to remember this? Part of her screamed at herself to stop watching, turn the damn video off, but she didn’t. She had to see. She had to.

“It will stop when you do as I ask.” The same voice that suggested shocking her, answered her tearful pleas.

At first nothing happened. Young Emma still pleaded for it to stop, but nobody else answered her. Then coffee cups, dishes, lamps all started to hover around her in the room. Excited whispers sounded over the intercom when a table followed, and then the steel beam. Everything was suspended in air around her like time had just stopped. She looked up at the camera, her eyes wide and crackling with energy. She yelled this time, not for help or to beg for it to stop, but in rage. The cups and dishes shattered in mid-air, nothing touched them, they just exploded and showered the room with fragments. The steel beam flew across the room and out of the range of the camera. However, glass shattering and frightened shouts could be heard off-camera. The table went into the steel wall behind her and stuck there, only half of it still sticking out. The camera itself started to shake violently before flying across the room and going dark. The video ended there…obviously.

Emma dropped the datapad on the console, flinching at the noise, and leaned back in the chair. There was no way that was her. She had never done anything like that. Not even her low-level gravity fields compared to what she just saw. She pressed her fingers to her temples and closed her eyes. It was no use. The images still lingered. There was no erasing the young version of her screaming in pain and then in anger.

Alec Ryder was still paused. Staring at her, patiently waiting for her to resume the video. How could he keep this from her? The years of telling her it was just the nanites. Without the nanites she was normal. She was a child. Not a weapon. Lies. Every bit of it. If Alex Ryder was here she would have screamed. Her nose burned, and hot tears spilled down her cheeks. There was no stopping them this time. She wanted to smash every damn picture and model on his shelves. Put her fist through the computer screen so Alec Ryder would stop fucking staring at her.

She wanted to know why they did those things to her. What she was. Why she was made. She wanted the truth.

She wished she hadn’t.

Thankfully SAM was quiet for the moment. She just needed a moment. A chance to let her thoughts settle. Minutes ticked by, maybe an hour, it’s not like she was looking. Finally, she let out a breath and made eye contact with Alec. She owed it to herself to see this through.

“SAM, continue the video.”

SAM affirmed the command and after a second the video continued. Alec Ryder drew in another breath and looked away from the camera.

“The accident on Amaranthine was not an accident. You weren’t injured defending the base from pirates. You were targeted by the same people Grace and I took you from. I don’t know why they waited so long, but I knew I had to get you as far away as possible.

“Unfortunately, I don’t know if that will protect you as well as I hoped. You may never truly be safe, but maybe knowing the truth will give you an advantage.”

She scoffed. An advantage. What did knowing any of this do for her? It’s not as if she knew how to do any of that anymore. If the nanites were used to suppress her, then how in the hell would she ever be able to do something like that? What makes him think she would even want to?

“I wish I could give you more, I wish I could tell you all of this the way I should have years ago,” Alec’s voice got thick for a moment before he paused and cleared his throat, “SAM will direct you to your lockbox. Two of the datapads contain all of the information Ellen and I managed to pull from the facilities. All of the information on you…and others.”

Others? She leaned forward, her mouth slightly open. Other people like her? Could it be possible? She wasn’t alone.

“Ellen and I helped as many was we could, as many as we found. We made sure they could get to Andromeda. All you have to do is find them. If you want to. Maybe they will have more answers for you.”

He drew in another breath and waited a moment, “The journal and the data chip are yours, from before the accident. I kept them from you. I was afraid if you remembered too much, it would trigger your memories from the accident. I didn’t want you to relive it.”

“Pause.” Emma spoke up, the video freezing on the spot.

“He told me the I had fallen off a cliff and hit my head.” She said out lout.

“Yes.” SAM confirmed.

“What really happened?”

SAM paused, uncomfortably long for an AI, “I am unsure if Alec would want you to know.”

“Alec is gone and I need to know SAM. I think I’ve been lied to enough.” She had a hard time keeping the frustration out of her tone.

“You were shot at point blank range. Alec surmised the goal was to destroy as much of your medial temporal lobe as possible. The nanites are not programmed to restore memories and therefore you lose what the nanites cannot replace.”

“It wasn’t just an attack on me, it was deliberate sabotage.”

“Yes.”

They didn’t want her dead, they just wanted her vulnerable. Reverse her back to a state where she didn’t know love or family. Take away the memories of the childhood Alec Ryder had given her and just make her lost and angry. It succeeded.

She sighed, “Play the video.”

“The third datapad is your choice. It is what Ellen and I had planned on surprising you with before you lost your memory. If you are here, if you’ve been around Scott and Sara, maybe…I don’t know. Read it when you think you’re ready, but know Ellen and I loved you like you were ours. It didn’t matter what the council or anyone else thought.”

He looked off screen again and narrowed his eyes, “Sorry, I am running out of time. I know you hated testing the SAM implant I gave you. I also know you had it shut off. I built SAM for Ellen…and for you. He is capable of backing up memories and possibly restoring them. I didn’t have the time to fully test it. SAM was also working on a source code to suppress the nanites, if you wanted to. I didn’t give you much a choice before. I want you to have the choice now.

“Ellen and I did what we thought was best. We wanted you to have a normal life, but you are not normal Emma,” He looked at the camera, his eyes making contact with hers.

“You are extraordinary.”

The video cuts out and the only sounds left are Emma’s quiet breaths. Her cheeks are still wet from before, but she doesn’t bother wiping them. She stares at the screen, unsure of what to do now. Her eyes stray to the datapads that are still scattered in front of her. She reached for the one she had already opened and stuck it back in the lock box along with the journal and data chip. She didn’t think she could look at those right now. The second datapad held more files, similar to the first one. She put that one in the lock box was well. The third datapad was the only one left out. It taunted her. Another secret. A choice. He had told her what it was and yet told her nothing at all. She reached for it, her hand trembling.

There was only one file with an attachment: EMMA RYDER. She clicked on the file and sucked in a breath.

“Adoption papers.” She whispered, staring at the words wondering if they would rearrange. If she was wrong. She was scared she was wrong.

“Alec Ryder left you the choice. You could continue to use the alias he gave you, or you could upload the attached file to replace the alias. You could live your life as his child.” SAM answered her, even though she had not asked a question.

A loud keen echoed throughout the room. It took her a moment to realize it was her. She clapped her hand over her mouth, unable to form word or thought. All she could do was let the tears flow. The anger, betrayal, all of it just left her. She was so tired. The hours, days, months of not sleeping, of nightmares, hit her all at once and she sagged forward in the chair. Her elbows rested on the console to help her hands hold her head up. She didn’t know how long she stayed that way. Her mind was blank. Her eyes stared at the same keyboard until her vision went blurry.

“Should I call someone Emma?” SAM intoned from her omnitool.

She sat up and looked around. She was still in Alec’s room; the lights were dimmer this time. The datapad still sat where she left it. The life she had wanted, the life she was sure the Emma before her had wanted, was on that datapad. And they tried to take it from her. She wanted it back. She was going to take it back. She put the datapad back in the lockbox and closed it until it locked.

“Please ask Lexi to meet us in SAM node.”

There was something she needed to do first.

 


	12. Bring it Home to Me

Emma woke up to dim lights of the Hyperion’s night cycle. She was cocooned in the blankets on Alec’s bed. After her brief meeting with Lexi, she didn’t have the want to return to the Tempest. Instead she hid away in Alec’s room. She doubted the Tempest had left without her. She doubted Scott would leave without her. The lockbox sat on his desk, taunting her from across the room. She had tried to look at the datapads again. She had the privacy and the quiet to do so, but every time she held one in her hands, her stomach rolled and she felt sick. And so alone.

The sound of the doors opening startled her. She jumped to her feet, ignoring the lightheadedness that followed. Scott stepped inside and stopped short of approaching her. He looked concerned. They both stared at each other, unsure of themselves. His short sigh broke the tension and he sat in the chair opposite of the bed. Emma sat back on the bed, crossing her legs and pulling the blankets around her shoulders. Neither of them knew what to say. They looked everywhere but at each other.

Scott was clearly concerned because she had not returned to the ship. What was she going to tell him? That she couldn’t leave this room. That she now had an AI in her head because she wanted to remember. She wanted to reclaim herself. That she was afraid the people who created her, no tried to control her, could be in Andromeda.

She was afraid.

Emma’s fingers gripped the blanket tightly and she huddled into it. The action didn’t escape Scott’s notice. He stood from the chair, ignoring her wary gaze, and sat down beside her on the bed. Not too close, but well within reach.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” His voice was quiet.

Her eyes strayed to the data pads. She just nodded. In fact, she got more than she bargained for. More answers than she wanted.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head. That was probably the last thing she was capable of doing. Where would she even start?

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head. She wasn’t even sure what she would say if she wanted to. Where would she even start? _Funny story, I’m a natural born freak and the nanites just made me even more of one. I can move things with my mind, in theory of course._

He just stared at her, waiting to for her to finish her inner monologue. A corner of his lip moved upward into a small smile. As if he knew the kind of thoughts that flitted through her head.

“You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Pushing people away.”

She was silent.

“It’s not something new for you. You did it in middle school. Malik called you a freak and after you punched him in the nose, you shut down. You were too afraid that it was true.”

“That doesn’t sound like me.”

“Oh? So, you just push people away because you enjoy being alone.”

“That’s right.”

“Do you remember how we used to snap you out of it?”

She just stared at him, waiting.

He smirked and leaned back on the bed, “There was this beach on the Citadel. Not a real one obviously, but it was a really good simulation. You could smell the salt in the air and feel the breeze on your face. We’d all go. For the whole day. Your self-imposed silence never lasted long.”

She scoffed.

“You should’ve seen your face when we went to Earth and we went to a real beach. And you saw a real sunset. I thought you were going to cry.”

“I don’t cry.”

It was his turn to scoff, “Please, you’re the biggest crybaby I know.”

“I doubt that.” She tried to sound mad, but she couldn’t help the small smirk that graced her lips.

“When you first came home, when people made fun of you, during movies, songs, when you were ditched at prom, every Christmas…I could go on.” He ticked off every instance on his fingers.

“I will throw you into the nearest black hole.” She threatened.

He clapped her on the shoulder, “There’s the Emma I know.”

“Except you don’t” She shrugged off his hand and the blankets.

He was quiet as she stood up from the bed and paced back and forth. The words started to spew forth from her mouth like vomit. They tasted horrible on her tongue, but she couldn’t keep them in any more. Scott just sat in silence as she ranted. About the lies, about the video she saw, about what she understood of her file. She left out the adoption papers and her meeting with Lexi earlier. She wasn’t quite ready to reveal either of those things. Especially, that SAM was alive and kicking inside of her head. She flopped back down in the chair across from Scott. The words lingered in the air between them, but she felt lighter for it.

“Wow.” Scott just kept looking at her.

“I don’t even know why I told you all that.” She mumbled.

“Because you need people Emma. You don’t do well alone.” Scott reached for her.

“I don’t need-“

Scott gripped her hand in his own, “Don’t even try to give me that shit Emma. You may not remember, but I do. I remember who you are.

“I can’t stop you from going back to Kadara, but living in a shack by yourself, shouldering all this shit. Isn’t going to help you.”

“And you can.” Her voice sounded bitter, even to her own ears.

“Maybe. Or maybe just being around others can. I happen to know a couple of the crew are fond of you.”

“Like who?”

“Jaal for one.”

She leaned forward, peering into Scott’s eyes as she spoke, “Alec believed the people that tried to control me are here. That means I’m going to find them, or they’re going to find me. You can’t tell me that you would be okay being dragged into that shit. Or dragging your crew into that shit.”

“Or you wouldn’t have to go through said shit alone.” He countered.

“It’s better for everyone if I do.”

He shook his head, “Will you stop trying to be a martyr. Sara is in a coma. Mom and dad are gone. You are all the family I have right now. I can’t stop you from leaving, but I’m damn sure not going to stop trying to convince you to stay.”

“I don’t know what kind of person I was before _this_. But it’s easier to do this alone. I don’t have to defer to others or worry about them. If I go back to Kadara, it’s easier than facing that Alec is never coming back. It’s easier than seeing him every single time I look at you.

If you could run, wouldn’t you?” She asked.

He swallowed audibly, “If you had asked me that weeks ago, I would have said yes. I would’ve said that there was no way I could fill dad’s shoes. But I’m not him. I’m me. Just Scott.”

She snorted, “Just Scott, the Pathfinder.”

“It has a ring to it.” He chuckled.

They lapsed back into silence. Neither of them was sure what exactly to say after all that. Emma felt there were more questions than answers once again. Did she want to stay? Would she stay even if the answer was yes? Was he right? Was she? Could she really do all this alone?

Scott stood from the bed and stretched, “We’re leaving for Kadara in the morning. I’d like to get to have some fun with my sister before she leaves.” He stared pointedly at her.

“Sister?” She whispered.

His eyes softened, “Yeah, sister. It doesn’t matter that you don’t remember. You’ll always be my sister.”

She liked it so much she hated it.

~

She didn’t know what she expected, but it wasn’t the entire Tempest crew in Scott’s room. They lounged on the couch, chairs, the floor, wherever they could fit really. Suvi and Peebee were in one corner with Kallo hovering over them. Probably because he was attempting to stay away from Gil who was on the opposite side of the room with Vetra, Jaal, and Liam. Jaal was staring at a deck of cards in his ridiculously large hands and frowning. Cora was deep in discussion with Lexi, while Drack sat beside them looking as bored as a krogan could. Everyone looked up as her and Scott entered the room. It felt a little overwhelming being under everyone’s gaze. The only thing that kept her from leaving was Scott. He was behind her and she would have to mow him down to get out.

_It's like he knew._

“Looks like we’re all here.” Liam laid down his own deck of cards and stood up from his group.

Everyone shifted towards the center of the room and sat in a circle. Emma could see people grabbing cups, and bottles, and various snacks. She didn’t know what was happening right now. Scott moved past her to his bedside table and opened one of the drawers. Emma wasn’t sure who to focus on, the crew or Scott, was there something she was supposed to have been doing. Jaal looked over his shoulder and patted an open spot in between him and Gil. Her feet moved of their own accord and before she registered it, she was sitting beside Jaal. Scott turned to the circle with a box in his hands.

“Oh. No.” Emma groaned when she saw the lettering on the side of the box.

Scott sat in between Cora and Gil and placed the box in front of him. He grinned at Emma before he pulled the top off the box to reveal groups of white and black cards.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve played Cards against Humanity.” Gil reached in to place the cards in the circle.

“This is a bad idea.” Emma muttered.

“How do you play again?” Suvi asked.

Scott answered, “Everyone gets 10 white cards, those are like answer cards. The black cards are topic cards. The card czar for the round chooses a topic card and everyone else chooses the best white card or cards for the topic card. The card czar chooses the best white card and-“

“I’m sorry, what is a card czar?” Jaal interrupted.

“It just means the person who doesn’t play the round and chooses a winner amongst the others.” Emma answered as Gil placed a stack of white cards in front of her and Jaal.

“Right. The goal is to make the funniest or most offensive combinations-“

“Often they go hand in hand.” Liam chuckled.

“Whoever wins the round gets the black card as an awesome point. Since we have so many people, we’re only playing to five points.” Scott placed two piles of black cards in the middle.

“We’re also drinking. So, the card czar picks a winner and a loser. The loser has to drink.” Gil smirked.

“This is a diplomatic incident waiting to happen.” Emma grumbled.

“It’ll be fun!” Peebee drew her ten cards and smirked at Emma.

“Playing a game full of cultural references that _someone_ ,” She gestured to Jaal, “Might not understand, is not fun.”

“Trust me. Trying to explain the references _is_ the fun part.” Peebee snickered.

“Alright, alright. Who goes first?” Scott waved his arms to get everyone’s attention.

“I’ll go.” Liam volunteered and reached to draw a black card from the pile, “Blank is my favorite way to achieve orgasm.” He read the card before he slapped it down on the floor in front of them.

The others scrambled to draw their white cards if they hadn’t already. Jaal looked at his hands and frowned. Emma sighed and drew his card for him and pressed them into his palm. He threw her a small smile over his shoulder as he read his cards. She drew her own cards and sifted through them. Giggles and out right laughter echoed through the room as everyone chose their cards. Jaal was still staring at his deck. After selecting her own card, Emma glanced over his shoulder. Not caring if anyone was looking, she pointed at a card in his deck. He shared a questioning glance with her, but she just nodded. Jaal was the last one to put down a card. Liam grabbed all of the white cards and put them in a pile. He was already chuckling at a few of the cards.

“Okay, here we go,” He was trying not to laugh, “The czar is my favorite way to achieve orgasm. Pandering to the card czar, I can appreciate it.”

Cocktimus Prime is my favorite way to achieve orgasm.”

Some of the others started to laugh as well. Based on the way Suvi blushed, Emma assumed it was her card.

Liam laughed out loud before reading the next card, “Hundreds of big black dicks, slapping across your face, in a euphoria of big black dickery.”

Even Emma laughed at that one, “Someone else pandering to the card czar.”

Liam kept reading off the cards, nothing quite as funny as the thought of being slapped by dicks. However, by the time he was done, even Jaal was laughing. Tears of mirth spilled down his cheeks and Emma wasn’t far behind him.

“The dicks have it.” Liam announced at the end of the round.

Jaal cleared his throat, “Ah, that was my card.”

“Nice going man.” Liam handed him the black card.

Jaal placed the black card beside him and looked at Emma, “Too bad we could not share the victory.”

Emma patted him on the arm, “Don’t worry big guy, I’m sure I’ll win some of my own.”

Jaal look down and stared at her hand on his arm. Emma was staring at her hand as well, surprised by her own action. Neither of them said anything. He looked at her, not questioning or annoyed that she was touching him. It was the complete opposite in fact. He looked overjoyed that she had broken a barrier of her own accord. Their eyes met and Emma couldn’t look away. She was utterly captivated by how he stared at her. _Fuck_. The others continued speaking, only one of them noticing the quiet moment that was being shared. Scott was sitting on the other side of Gil, smirking at the expression on Emma’s face.

There was no way she was leaving.

~

There was a lot of drinking. Maybe some dancing. At one point Scott had begged for her to play some of her music. It could’ve been her K-pop playlist for all he cared. A playlist she vehemently and drunkenly denied existed. She was sure Peebee had talked her into dancing at some point, but it was hard to remember. Bohemian Rhapsody had played at one point and of course all of the humans broke out into song, herself included.

Hey, she didn’t make the rules.

The one thing she did remember was laughing and smiling more than she had since before even coming to Andromeda. It made up for the fact that she woke up with a killer hangover more bearable. They were all still in Scott’s room, a couple sleeping in puppy piles, others had taken over the couch. She was smarter than that. She had flopped down in Scott’s bed before passing out. Hungover: yes; Sore: no. Jaal was laying on the floor near the side of the bed she had commandeered. He originally fallen asleep on his back, but his snoring was unbearable, and Emma and Scott had managed to coax him onto his side for most of the night. She remembered saying something to Scott right before they fell asleep, but she was having a hard time remembering exactly what it was.

The sound of someone stirring across the room drew her attention. Lexi was sitting up, having fallen asleep with her head on Drack’s shoulder. She made eye contact with Emma, her cheeks flushed, and pressed a finger to her lips. Emma shrugged. It’s not she was going to run screaming to the Nexus about the Tempest doctor’s behavior. It was not something she gave a shit about. Lexi gestured to the door and Emma nodded. Quietly they both maneuvered themselves from where they slept and across the room. Emma had a near miss when Liam nearly swiped her ankle as she stepped over him.

Her and Lexi both ended up inside the med bay, waiting until the doors closed to speak.

Lexi sat down on one of the chairs, “How do you feel?”

“I have the headache from hell.” Emma murmured.

“Anything else? Anything to do with your implant?”

Emma shook her head, “Everything feels fine. Pretty normal.”

“Good,” Lexi folded her hands in her lap, “Did you have a good time last night?”

Emma nodded, “Yeah it was pretty fun.”

“Do you think you’ll stay.”

Emma had her arsenal of reasons why she couldn’t, but she hesitated, “I…I don’t know.”

“You could always try and decide later that you want to go back to Kadara. At least, you wouldn’t regret it.” Lexi suggested.

Emma was quiet. Lexi wasn’t wrong, but Emma could really put them all in danger. She wouldn’t be alone, but that’s incredibly selfish. But why couldn’t she be selfish now and then. Lexi didn’t look like she really expected an answer. She seemed satisfied enough with the contemplative look on Emma’s face. They both looked towards the door as they heard the others getting up. The sound of heavy footsteps walked towards the kitchen.

“Sounds like Drack is making breakfast.” Lexi commented.

“Oh, thank god, I’m starving.” Emma stretched and headed for the door. Lexi wasn’t far behind her, also requiring food to help soak up any remaining alcohol in their systems.

Drack was grumbling over the stove. Cora, Suvi, and Vetra were already sitting at the table, still looking half-asleep. Jaal and Scott were hovering over the coffee pot, their backs to Emma as she walked into the kitchen. Liam and Gil must still be passed out in Scott’s room. Jaal turned around right as Emma walked across to the room to the table.

“Emma! I made coffee!” He proclaimed, holding out a steaming cup.

Scott hid his face behind Jaal trying his best not to snicker too loudly. Suvi giggled loudly behind her, unable to contain herself, and even Cora cracked a smile at his enthusiasm. Emma tried to fight the smile that threatened her lips, but she failed. He just looked so damn pleased with himself.

“That’s great Jaal.” She choked down a laugh.

He held out the cup to her expectantly. It seemed as if he held his breath, waiting patiently for her to take it from him. She murmured her thanks and took the cup, the aroma already helping to wake her up. Scott had one hand on the counter trying to keep himself steady as he laughed into his hands.

“That’s some coffee.” Vetra commented, earning herself a glare from Emma.

Drack grunted and shook his head, turning his attention back to the food. Emma sat down at the table, the cup of coffee in between her hands. Scott had finally composed himself enough to poor his own cup and take a seat beside Emma. His smile infuriated her to the point that she wanted to smack it off his face. Jaal sat in the only available chair to the other side of her. The conversation around the table was light, everyone hungry and still feeling last night. It seemed like it took forever until Drack set down a platter of rehydrated sausages, reconstituted eggs, and toast in front of them. It wasn’t the worst, but Emma couldn’t wait until they had real animals and read meat and eggs.

“Someone should go wake Liam.” Suvi spoke up while reaching for toast.

Everyone looked at each other before Scott sighed and stood up, “I’m the Pathfinder, I guess I’ll do it.”

Gil burst into the room right as Scott was leaving, holding up a small piece of equipment in his hand, looking triumphant. Scott paused and everyone looked to Gil.

“I fixed it. We should be able to pinpoint the Archon’s location with this.” He placed it in Scott’s hand, “Give it a shot.”

Scott stared down at the transponder in his hand, looking equally excited and like he was going to puke at the same time.

“Did you connect the-“

“Nutok sho-lun ka!” A deep guttural voice sounded from the transponder.

Scott fumbled the transponder in surprise and nearly dropped it. Was that what the kett had sounded like? She hadn’t been present when Sloane and her lackeys had cleared them from Kadara. The voice made her stomach roll unpleasantly. Jaal jumped and looked at Emma with confusion. The voice repeated the phrase, making the hair on Emma’s neck stand up.

“What are you doing?”

“Turn it off!”

A couple of them shouted at once, until Scott turned off the transponder. It fell silent in his hand and they all breathed a sigh of relief.

“Careful. That is a direct line to people that want to kill us.” Gil took the transponder back when Scott almost shoved it back at him.

Scott took a moment and drew in a deep breath before speaking, “SAM?”

“I have the coordinates. The signal points to the Tafeno system.” The AI responded.

“We sure we want to do this?” Gil asked.

Scott frowned, and ran his fingers through his hair, making it stand up on end.

“We have to,” He turned to Emma, “Sorry Em, Kadara will have to wait.”  


 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize for how long this took to finish and post. Between my brother's suicide, starting a new job, completing my master's degree application (I got in), having bronchitis for a month, and my dad having a heart attack, it was just a lot at once. I rewrote this chapter several times because I just wasn't happy with it. I was having a hard time connecting with my writing. 
> 
> I know there is not waiting period between finding the transponder and knowing where the Archon's ship is. I created it because I wanted Emma to be involved in rescuing the Salarian ark for very good reason.
> 
> If you're still reading, thank you. I hope it was worth the wait!


	13. My Heart Broke Long Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma and the Pathfinder team take on the Archon's ship

Everyone, minus Kallo and Suvi, was standing around the meeting table. Any trace of the lightheartedness from the night before was gone. Emma was standing between Scott and Jaal. All eyes were focused on Scott as he contemplated where they would start. Emma could tell he was afraid. From the look in his eyes to the way his hands shook until he gripped the edge of the table. Without thinking twice, she rested her hand on top of his. Kadara could wait and she could stand to return some of the comfort he had provided her. His eyes strayed to her hand before he stood up straight and squared his shoulders.

“I’ll be taking Drack and Jaal.” He announced.

Both men nodded, looking ready to fuck up the Archon’s whole day.

“Liam, Cora, and Vetra will be ready to provide any backup support if necessary. If not, then you are to hold position on the Tempest and be ready to assist with extraction.”

Cora didn’t look happy about it, but she nodded. Liam and Vetra were already putting their heads together about contingency plans and what they would need ready.

Scott turned to Emma, “I’d like you to come with us.”

She gaped at him, “You can’t be serious.”

“Of course he isn’t,” Cora intervened, “She isn’t even a part of the crew.”

“That’s a little harsh.” Peebee muttered.

“She is a part of this crew until she leaves this ship permanently.” Scott’s tone left no room for argument.

Cora’s mouth twisted and she turned from the group and went down the ramp. Everyone watched her back until she was out of sight. Emma turned back to Scott, not quite sure that she had heard him right the first time.

“Why?”

“I trust you. You’re a quick thinker and I know what you’re capable of.”

“I understand that but,” She leaned closer to murmur, “if leadership finds out what I am and that you’re letting me run missions, you will be in big trouble.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Are they?” She gestured to the crew that was still gathered around the table.

“I don’t give a damn about the leadership.” Drack grunted.

Peebee and Vetra shrugged, both of them deferring to the Pathfinder. Emma felt a large hand grip her shoulder and she looked up into Jaal’s calm gaze. He smiled softly at her making her heart thump in her chest. Just one, just one thump. Or maybe not. She turned back to Scott, feeling her cheeks turn pink. Her lips twisted in a frown at his shit-eating grin. He knew exactly what he was doing. Damn it.

She sighed, “I need my bow.”

His grin grew wider, “It’s in the weapons locker. Suit up and meet me at the bridge in an hour.”

He turned to leave the meeting room, either to hype himself up or deal with Cora. He needed her on board for this. Emma leaned over the railing as he walked down the ramp towards the bio lab.

“If I die I’m going to be pissed.” She shouted after him.

“I’ll never let it happen.” He gave her a quick thumbs-up.

She rolled her eyes, but smirked all the same. Of course, she was nervous. When was the last time she actually went on a mission? That she could remember. The others slowly left the meeting table to get ready. All except for Jaal. He lingered behind, looking like he wanted to say something. Emma sat down on one of the couches and patted the empty space beside her. He looked unsure for a moment, as if he didn’t know if it was really alright, but he settled down beside her anyways. Emma pulled her music player from her back pocket and unraveled the ear phones. Putting on ear bud in her ear she handed the other to Jaal. He stared at it a moment, perplexed, before he put it in his ear.

Emma flipped through her playlists before finally settling on a song. Just one was all she needed. She turned the volume down low, unsure of how sensitive Jaal’s ears would be. He was quiet as the sound of a guitar riff and Stevie Nick’s voice came through the ear phones.

_Just like the white winged dove_

_Sings a song_

_Sounds like she's singing_

_Who who who_

Emma closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the couch. She could feel Jaal’s eyes on her as she relaxed. She mouthed the lyrics, just letting herself slip into the song entirely. It was a needed moment before she leaped into danger. She was surprised at herself. There had been minimal hesitation before she agreed to help. Even her argument about the leadership fell flat. She was starting to give a damn and that was more dangerous than any mission she agreed to. It made her want to stay. They made her want to stay. Even Cora with her sour ass attitude, but hilarious drunken jokes. Damn Scott, he was good.

_And the days go by_

_Like a strand in the wind_

_In the web that is my own_

_I begin again_

She opened her eyes to catch Jaal bobbing his head along to the music. His eyes were closed and his fingers tapped against his thigh. Freckles stretched across his skin like stars and by god she was fascinated. The song continued in her ears, but she wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics anymore. She was staring at the flatness of his nose, and the darkened marks that spread across his forehead, and the scar that cut into his cowl. The song ended during her scrutiny and his eyes opened to meet hers. He didn’t look surprised that she was staring at him. He had done his fair share of staring ever since she boarded the ship. Her face flushed an even darker pink than before and she cleared her throat.

She pulled the earbud from her ear, “We should probably get ready.”

He handed her the other earbud, but neither of them moved just yet. She was steadily staring everywhere except his face now and that pleased him more than anything. The first few days she was standoffish and refused to speak or interact with anyone. It was more than just a dislike for people. He could feel the fear emanating from her. She was afraid to be close to others. To allow herself to feel for them. It wasn’t unlike how he felt after Allia, but Emma’s hurt ran so much deeper.

Finally, he stood from the couch and offered his hand. She stared at it for a moment as if it might bite her, but she eventually took it. He helped her stand up from the couch, not that she really needed it, he just wanted an excuse to touch her hand.

“I would like to do this again.”

She nodded, still not looking at him, “Yeah, I can’t imagine the music selection at the Nexus is all that great.”

“That is not what I meant.” He chuckled.

She looked up at him then. He was still holding her hand and she had yet to remove it from his grasp. Maybe after this mission they could actually talk for more than just a few moments. Maybe she would stay.

She nodded, “Sure. We can do this again.”

He smiled at her, and she felt like she had been pushed off a cliff. Every time he smiled at her, was nice to her, stood up for her she felt caught off-guard. Why was he so damn nice to her? She wasn’t used to it and she didn’t know if she liked it or not. _I like it._ She was going to keep lying to herself. Jaal let go of her hand and only then did she start walking towards the weapons locker to put on her armor and get her bow. He fell into step beside her. They had once again lapsed into their usual silence.

The doors to bridge opened and they both veered to the left. Drack was already armored up, he always was, and had probably already grabbed his weapon. If he didn’t sleep with it of course. One of the lockers even had her name on it. _Dammit Scott._ She pulled her scavenger armor from inside and her body suit. Emma shimmied out of her pants and kicked them into the locker. Her shirt soon followed. It was difficult to not be aware of how Jaal stared at her. He was going for subtle, but it wasn’t working out for him. Emma zipped up her body suit.

They both continued to put on their armor in silence. It wasn’t until Emma pulled her hair free from its ponytail and shook it out that Jaal let out a breath. Trying to fit a ponytail in her helmet just wasn’t practical. Quickly and deftly, Emma braided her hair and tucked it into her suit. Her crate of arrows was sitting in the bottom of locker, her carnifex sitting on top, and her bow tucked into the back of the locker. At least they were careful with it. There wasn’t another one like it in any galaxy. Emma strapped her carnifex to her hip and pulled out the crate.

Thankfully, Ruvea had marked the arrow prototypes appropriately and left notes to remind Emma which was which. Emma placed them carefully in her quiver and slung it over her shoulder to buckle it across her chest. She shoved the crate back in the locker and grabbed her bow. Testing it, she clicked the button to make sure the knives at the ends were still working. The string was still the right tension. It was the same since the last time she used it.

“Why do you use such a primitive weapon.” Jaal pulled his rifle from his locker.

She smirked, “Primitive?”

“I had asked Scott about it when I first saw it. He sent me articles about archery. It hasn’t been used in the field in a long time.”

She nodded, “That’s fair. I learned archery as a hobby, a way to learn how to focus and learn precision, as Alec put it. I fell in love with it.”

“Did you have problems focusing?”

“I had…anger issues. I often took it out on others. Alec wanted me to learn how to make my anger more productive and less destructive.”

“It was that bad?”

“It could be. Sometimes it was. And any wrong moves meant the Citadel could consider me dangerous enough to lock up.”

“Why would they?”

She nodded and grabbed her helmet from her locker before shutting it, “Not only am I an illegal human experiment, I am a powerful one. Alec Ryder saw me as a child, but not everyone felt the same. I was a weapon. Something that could turn on them and destroy them.”

“They were afraid of you.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Fear makes people do shitty things.”

Jaal shut his locker, “It is true of all species.”

“It’s a shame. People could do amazing things, if they stopped being so afraid.” Emma leaned against her locker.

“Even you?” Jaal was closer to her.

Emma smiled gently and sadly, “Especially me.”

Scott interrupted them by poking his head into the room. He smirked at the two of them just casually talking. As if it was such a surprise that she could hold a civil conversation. She rolled her eyes at his expression.

“Pathfinder requests you on the bridge.” He grinned, a ploy to hide his nerves.

“Oh gee, I never would have guessed.” Emma answered sarcastically, and moved to follow him out the room.

Jaal followed her out of the room to stand beside Scott on the bridge. The others were gathered as well, waiting to catch their first glimpse at the Archon’s ship. The space radiated with nervous energy. Even Emma felt nervous as they neared the navpoint.

“We’re getting a lot of Kett comm chatter.” Suvi spoke to Scott.

Scott nodded, “Keep us stealth Kallo. No sense picking a fight yet.”

“Pathfinder, sensors confirm the presence of the Archon’s ship.” SAM’s announcement only made the tension in the room skyrocket.

Scott sighed, “I’ll be damned, it worked.”

“But there’s something else,” Kallo leaned forward staring at his console, “That’s an Initiative ship tethered to it.

They drew closer and everyone crowded close to the windows.

“That’s Ark Paarchero!” He exclaimed.

“Confirmed. It matches the Salarian Ark. Readings suggest it has been here for some time.” SAM replied.

Emma was unable to tear her eyes from the Ark, “Oh…fuck.”

~

They had hoped for a quick in and out situation, but it was a firefight the moment they walked through the doors to the Archon’s ship. The kett were terrifying, but they were tangible, and killable. They weren’t some ghosts that lurked in the background. They were here and Emma was going to fuck them up.

It was strange having people to watch her back. Jaal kept kett off her back when her and Scott got close enough to engage in close combat. Drack was right there with them like he was bowling for kett. Room after room full of them. Drack was in heaven. Emma had been prepared to fight. It was even fun. Her and Scott fought together like they had done it before. Maybe they had. Maybe he would tell her about it later. She believed in them. They could find the artifact. They could save the salarians.

Nothing prepared her for finding the missing salarians.

The kett didn’t even have the decency to hide what they had done. Salarian bodies were left on stretchers on the floor. They were just left there like yesterday’s garbage. Emma heard SAM through a fog as he told the group that they had died after being operated on. Operated on was such a nice term. They were dissected, harvested. The kett used them as their science experiments.

“They were alive while it happened? Kett butchers. They don’t know the word _mercy_.” Jaal spat.

Scott was quiet as he scanned all the bodies and asked SAM to update their files. They couldn’t be saved, but the salarians would still know what happened to their fallen comrades. Emma couldn’t stop staring at them. Their eyes weren’t even closed. They were just glassy and staring up at the ceiling. _The cold bite of metal. Screams. So many screams. Were they hers?_ She couldn’t breathe. _Blood. Bright red, viscose. It pooled underneath her hand. If you would just listen to me. I don’t want to hurt you. Just obey._ Her hands shook. _No. No more. Please. It hurts._ Her chest felt like it would collapse in on itself.  _More screams. Not just hers. There were others. Others. More. Help us._ Someone called her name. _A gun. Pointed right at her. No. Don’t shoot. Sharp teeth bared at her. Please. Please save me._

_Stop._

Hands reached for her.

_Stop._

They removed her helmet.

_STOP!_

_You won’t take me._

“Emma!”

A forehead pressed against hers. Scott was inches from her face. His eyes were wide, breaths coming in ragged gasps. She focused on him. She was here. She was fine. She was safe. He pulled back from her. Not just looking concerned. There was a touch of fear and awe. He stepped back and that’s when she saw it.

Jaal and Drack were standing together in the middle of the room. Drack was looking up around the room, but Jaal was looking at her. The salarians remained where they had been left, but everything else, everything that wasn’t nailed down was not. It was hovering, or floating, or however you would want to describe a bunch of shit just chilling in the air as if it was meant to be there.

“Emma.” Scott’s voice was soft and drew her attention back to him.

“Breathe.”

He took in an exaggerated breath and let it out. Her eyes didn’t leave his as his chest rose and fell in time with the breaths. It took her a moment to realize she was breathing in time with him. Tension slowly drained from her as she focused on him and breathing.

“You’re safe.

You’re here.

I won’t let them take you.”

Her eyes closed as he spoke. He was trying to bring her back to the present and surprisingly enough, it was working. His hands didn’t leave her arms, he anchored her to the spot. The others were quiet, and patient, neither of them interrupting. Emma let out another breath and everything fell. Crates exploded open as they hit the ground, anything sharp embedded itself into the floor. Scott handed Emma’s helmet back and she held it loosely in her fingers. Just a minute. She just needed a minute and she would be ready to go.

Startled voices drew her attention. A group of kett scientists were staring at her through the glass. Fascination in their greedy little expressions. Oh no. Cowards. They dissected their people and cowered behind a thin veneer. The objects in the air wobbled unsteadily around her. They weren’t running again.

“Bastards.” She whispered.

Jaal turned to look at the scientists that gaped at her through the glass, “You! I’m going to kill you.” He shouted.

Emma shoved her helmet back on, if only to hide her still slightly panicked expression, and followed the others through the room. The scientists scattered, trying to get away. Emma managed to pin a few with arrows as they ran. It didn’t kill them, but it prevented them from escaping. The others managed to get away as more kett raced through the hallways to keep the crew from getting any further. It was just more and more to get through. The fight didn’t have the enthusiasm that was present before. It died when they found the salarians. Now they were tired, and numb, and just needed to finish the mission. Find this relic, save the salarians, stop the Archon. Stop this from happening again.

Emma pulled an acid bolt from her quiver and shot it into the leg of a chosen. He howled as he went down and Jaal finished him off with one shot. He looked to her, to share in triumph, but worry flashed across his face. Emma looked away. He could worry about her later. She could do this. Just a little longer. She would make it. Jaal reached for her, but she shrugged him off, trying not to flinch at his hurt expression. She followed Scott down the hallway until SAM gave them directions to the Archon’s chamber.

They took the new path that SAM had indicated. They walked across the floor, determined, ready for this to end.

“Ryder, caution-“

Gravity seemed to disappear and they froze in place, inches away from the floor. They all struggled uselessly against stasis field. Emma couldn’t even move a finger. It was just more bullshit.

“Oh, for fucks sake.” Emma muttered.

“Some kind of immobilizing field.” Scott grunted.

Emma opened her mouth to reply with a sarcastic retort. It was unnecessary and wouldn’t be appreciated, but dammit it might make her feel better. The words died on her tongue as two kett walked into the room. They were different. Not just mindless soldiers. One’s milky white eyes looked over each of them before they settled on Scott. It was probably the Archon.

“It’s useless to struggle.” He spoke as he neared the group.

Yep, that was the pompous asshat they were going to steal from.

“I’ve been in this forsaken cluster for decades, surrounded by amoeba. Then you arrived- a human able to do the unthinkable. You even evaded me.” He walked around the group as he spoke, pausing every so often to stare at each one like the science experiments he considered them to be.

It made Emma’s skin crawl.

He stopped in front of Scott, “Such an unlikely rival. It was almost invigorating to have one. And yet it’s a fitting end.”

Scott sneered at him, “I bested you. Die mad about it.”

The Archon wrapped his hand around Scott’s throat and squeezed. Not enough to kill, just enough to make Scott struggle to breathe.

“Get your hands off of him!” Emma shouted.

The Archon ignored her and turned Scott’s head back and forth. It was if he was looking for something. There was a moment’s hesitation, a moment where Emma thought he would let Scott go. That moment disappeared when the Archon stabbed a needle into Scott’s neck. Jaal looked horrified enough it made Emma struggle harder.

They couldn’t take Scott. Alec was enough. No more. _Please, no more._ None of them could have any more of her life or her…family. She had to be able to move something, anything. So much for being telekinetic. Where the hell is it when it’s needed?

“A first sample. Your testing begins now. I will learn your secret soon enough.” The Archon stepped away, looking seemingly uninterested in the others.

His gaze stopped at Emma. He stepped forward, his hands reaching to take her helmet from her head. An explosion from another part of the ship drew his attention away from her. Emma breathed out a small sigh of relief. The Archon looked to the side as if he were listening for something.

“Report.” The Archon paused, “Await my arrival.”

Scott glared as the Archon got close to him again, “Save your strength human.”

The Archon turned on his heel and left the room. He was not afraid that they would manage to escape. It made Emma angry. He expected they would just stay like sitting ducks.

“Raeka must be in trouble.” Scott spoke when the Archon was gone.

“So are we kid.” Drack grumbled.

“SAM, what can you tell me.” Scott pointedly ignored Drack.

“I’m sensing a biological transmitter in your bloodstream now. Attempting to neutralize it.”

“Okay, that’s priority two for sure. Any idea how to break out of this?”

“The containment fields only interact with living matter. If you expire, the field around you will extinguish until manually reset.

As you know, my access to your physiology allows me to enhance your vital signs when required. I can also do the opposite.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Emma spoke up.

“I’m not really keen on dying again SAM.”

“The one holding you yes. Then I would attempt to resuscitate.”

“Are there literally, any other options.”

“None that I can determine.”

Scott paused, his eyes wandering to Emma’s, “All right, let’s do it.”

“Wait!” Emma shouted.

Scott looked at her in confusion.

“SAM, calculate the percentage of success if Scott does this.”

“There is a 45% chance that I can resuscitate the Pathfinder.”

“It’s a chance we have to take.” Scott tried to reassure her.

“Calculate the chances of success…if I do it instead.”

Scott scoffed, “You can’t, your implant isn’t-“

He stopped and stared at her as much as could. It wasn’t much considering he didn’t have the use of his body to turn fully and pin her with the disapproving dad glare.

“You activated your implant.” He accused, “That’s why you stayed on the Hyperion so long. Why wouldn’t you tell me.”

“Sorry, Pathfinder, I didn’t realize I had to clear everything with you.” She snapped.

“It isn’t even that Emma and you know it. You constantly push me away every time I try to reach you. You think you’re protecting me, but I can assure you, you’re not.”

She closed her mouth, her cheeks burning with a quiet shame. He was…right. She wasn’t protecting anyone. Not herself or anyone else. She was shoving him away. She was abandoning what they used to have and what they could have again. She could have a family again. She could be a Ryder. There could be someone to share in her grief. Instead of trying to embrace it, she was trying to shove it away.

“There is a 90% chance of success Emma.” SAM took advantage of the pause in their argument.

“No.” Scott’s voice was quiet.

Emma nodded, “Do it, SAM.”

“Nonononono, Emma!”

Emma closed her eyes. It was just dark now. It wasn’t what she expected of death. Maybe some pain, or prolonged suffering, but she was just here. She was sure she had heard them all yell her name. Even Jaal. Damn. She didn’t even say anything to him. Maybe she should have. What if it didn’t work?

_Are you hiding again Emma?_

A sliver of light made her raise her arm in front of her face. A face peeked around the curtain. Soft blue eyes and a soft smile. Emma just stared as the curtain opened a little further to allow a woman climb in to the darkness and sit with her. Short black hair ended at a sharp jaw. The eyes stared at her. Gentle hands pulled her into an embrace.

_Did they bully you again?_

Lips pressed against the top of her head. Sobs sounded in the dark, it was her and yet it wasn’t. Her cheeks felt wet, but she wasn’t crying.

_You don’t have to fight them all alone._

Maybe she was crying. The woman was so comforting, so familiar. She closed her eyes and leaned into the embrace. A gentle prod made her open them again. The woman shook her head down at Emma. No sleeping. Fingers wiped the tears from her cheek, the same fingers that had wiped crumbs from her lips, and braided her hair until she learned to do it herself. A mother. Her mother. Ellen cupped her cheek, her soft eyes hardening with determination and ferocity.

_You can’t run from everything._

~

Jaal watched in horror as the stasis field around Emma flickered and then finally disappeared. Her body hit the floor with a sound he doubted he would be able to forget. Scott was staring at her, his expression a mirror of Jaal’s own.

“No, not again. Please. SAM!” Scott watched as Emma just laid there.

“Stimulating the cardiovascular core.”

Emma’s body twitched as SAM tried to shock her heart back to life.

“Zero activity.”

“Dammit, dammit.” Scott spoke through gritted teeth.

“Emma!” Jaal yelled at her lifeless body.

“Stimulating the cardiovascular core.”

They watched and waited, all of them holding their breath. Even Drack looked upset and pissed off at the same time. There was nothing but their silent pleas. She had to wake up. Jaal wanted to know more about her. He had so many things to ask her, to tell her, to show her. He wanted to know everything about the woman whose smiles were seldom but blinding in their beauty.

Emma sucked in a breath and Scott looked like he was going to cry from the relief. She reached up and pulled off her helmet, resting her cheek against the cool floor. Jaal could see tears that had dried on her cheeks. Had she been crying when she agreed to this? She didn’t look at any of them.

“Let’s not do that again SAM.” She gasped.

“I agree.”

Emma stood up slowly and shakily, as if she were unsure what limbs were and how to use them. Her eyes wandered over to them, purposefully avoiding Scott’s.

“Well don’t you all look cozy.” Her tone was dripping with sarcasm.

“Get us down kid.” Drack growled.

Emma looked around the room, until she located the console. She pulled up the interface, searching for the command to disable the field. Scott was staring at her, not angry, just terrified. Like she was ghost now. Jaal could sympathize. He had lost friends and family to the kett. He wondered every time he killed a kett, was it his brother, his friends, Allia. But Emma was still here. She was alive. Brought back by SAM and the nanites that had been injected in her since childhood.

The field flickered and they all dropped to their feet. Scott wasted no time crossing the room and wrapping Emma in a hug. It was clear she wasn’t expecting it. It took her a moment to return the gesture. Her arms wrapping around Scott like an anchor.

“Don’t ever do something so stupid again.” Scott choked out.

“So, it’s brilliant if you do it, stupid if I do it.” She scoffed.

“It’s stupid no matter who does it.” Drack grumbled behind them.

Scott reluctantly let her go, “We’ll discuss this later.”

She nodded, “If we make it back to the Tempest. I’ll tell you,” she hesitated, “everything.”

Scott just gaped at her. Emma looked unsure as she said it, but nonetheless, determined to see it through. She rolled her eyes.

“Come on Pathfinder, we have a relic to find.”

~

It was just one thing after another. The Archon had been studying their species. His room filled with VI representations of each species and audio notes, made Emma sick. So did the audio logs filled with the tortured cries of the Salarians. Emma had collected the logs and the Archon’s notes to compile on a datapad. Maybe it could offer insight to others about the Archon and the Kett. For Emma, it just made her want to smash the Archon’s face in.

It got worse when they found the Salarian in the maintenance hatch. The victim of a cruel game of hide and seek with a wraith. More stasis pods that had been tossed aside. SAM managed to pull the assigned names from the pods. More to report missing and more than likely, dead. Then, of course, there were the holding tanks. Filled with salarians. Some had started to undergo the process of exaltation, but it had ultimately failed. Drack cursed as he neared the tank containing a krogan who had undergone exaltation.

“Is that a krogan?” Emma whispered.

“It was. Probably one of Drack’s missing scouts.” Jaal answered.

“The DNA is Krogan, but drastically altered. It’s clear the kett are closing in on successfully exalting the species.” SAM spoke.

“Fuckers.” Scott murmured.

They went through another door, weapons ready in case it was another trap, but the room was blessedly empty. The room was filled with remnant relics. Any one of them could be what they were looking for. Scott relayed the message to Hayjer that they were in the room. Once they had what they needed, it was time to get to get the hell off this ship. Scott starting scanning relics while everyone else walked around taking it all in. They could see the Salarian ark through the giant windows. With the guns pointed at the ark, Emma could only hope they could make a clean escape. The salarians deserved that much.

“Over here.” Scott called them over to the back the room.

They all crowded around a relic. Of course, it was the absolute last one that he had scanned. It just looked like a console.

SAM spoke up, “This is the relic the Moshae described. It does seem to be a map.”

Scott lifted his hand towards the console to interface with it. Light moved from his fingertips and the console reacted. It lifted up towards them.

“I’ll overlay the chart we uncovered in the vault on Eos.”

Light projected from the middle of the console, mapping out stars and clusters. In the middle was a tower looking object. It was not exactly what Emma was expecting to see. She expected a planet or maybe something like the Citadel floating in space. Of course, she didn’t know the scale, so maybe it was bigger than she imagined.

“Coordinates secured, Pathfinder.”

“So that’s what you’re after.” The Archon’s voice made them turn and raise their weapons, but it was only a hologram.

The hologram moved towards them, “There’s more to Meridian than you know. Changing the weather is only a fraction of its power-and I will not allow you to defile it.”

“Try and stop me.” Scott faced off to the hologram.

“You are cocky as long as you have an AI to explain everything to you.”

Scott stiffened.

“I’ve seen what transpired in the laboratory, and now I know what makes you…special.

“Meridian is mine. I’ve tolerated you long enough. Once your vessels are destroyed you will be stranded here.”

Scott raised his omnitool looking panicked, “Captain! Fire the EMP!”

“Done!” Hayjer confirmed.

It took less than a minute. All of the relics, once suspended by a field, dropped to the ground. The hologram of the Archon flickered and died out. The doors opened and alarms blared across the ship.  This was their only chance. They readied their weapons, but a loud roar and the sound of loud footsteps made them stop. It did not sound like kett footsteps.

“What the hell is that?” Emma whispered.

The answer to her question barreled into the room, grunting and looking around. It stopped as it noticed them. The krogan that had been in the tank was now standing in front of them. And he looked pissed.

“Shit.” Drack muttered, raising his gun.

The krogan roared and charged them. The group scattered, bullets and arrows flying as they tried to get space between themselves and him. Scott was having a loud and brief conversation with Captain Hayjer. Emma shot an arrow that lodged between the krogan’s plates. His beady red eyes turned to her and she cursed. She barely dodged as he charged full speed at her. A shot to the side of his head drew his attention elsewhere. Emma crawled her way to cover quickly. It just so happened Jaal using this particular place to take pot shots at the krogan. It was a coincidence, okay? Okay. Emma took the moment to count her arrows left. She had plenty of the EMPs but they were useless at the moment, acid bolts were probably also useless, as were the smoke bombs. The flashbang might be useful.

“Are you alright?” Jaal shouted over the gunfire.

She nodded, “A bit overwhelmed,” she gestured to the krogan who was going head to head with Drack, “but I’m fine.”

Jaal took another shot before leaning back down, “I don’t mean with the krogan. Are _you_ alright?”

Kett started to filter into the room, taking position, and firing. They were determined to keep them in this room.

“Probably not the best time to ask!” She shouted back.

“Why not?”

She looked down at him, “We’re a little busy.”

Emma pulled a flashbang bolt from her quiver. Emma signaled for Jaal to duck down and cover his ears. She fired at the feet of the largest group of Kett.

“Flashbang!” She shouted so the others could hear her.

Emma ducked down beside Jaal and covered her ears. The sound was loud enough for her to hear and she looked back up. The kett looked dazed. She nodded to Jaal and started to fire off into the group, striking kett wherever she could. Jaal was beside her, taking out the kett so the others could finish off the krogan. It was a perfect system. Her and Jaal took turns until the kett were thinned out to just a handful chosen and an anointed. Just a little more to go and they could get the hell out of here.

“Look out!” Scott shouted from the other side of the room.

Emma looked up to see the krogan gunning for her once more. He was too damn close. Using her shoulder, Emma shoved Jaal to the side right as the behemoth crashed through the platform and into her. With one swipe of his claws, she flew back and into the window, striking her head on the glass. She heard her name called, once, twice, three times. There was a ringing in her ears as she struggled to sit up. Reaching up, Emma undid her helmet and pulled it off. It slipped from her fingers. The whole room moved as she tried to focus, she needed to focus. She felt sluggish like she was moving through a fog. Her breaths sounded loud in her ears. She had to get up. Had to move.

The behemoth was coming for her again. Its footsteps vibrated the floor underneath her. There was more shouting. She couldn’t make it out. Bullets hit its back, but it was wholly focused on her. It raised its arms over its head. It was going to bludgeon her to death. Emma raised her arms in front of her face, trying to protect herself.

The blow didn’t come. Nothing happened. Emma looked up to see the behemoth still towering over her, but he wasn’t moving. He grunted and tried to move, but he couldn’t. That’s when she saw it. The blue light that glimmered around her hands and glimmered around his body. It was her. She was doing this. How?

“SAM, please tell me you’re seeing this.” She whispered.

“Yes, Emma, I am recording all activity to analyze.” He spoke in her head.

She was in awe. The behemoth struggled, but he couldn’t break free. A gunshot broke her out of her reverie and she flinched. The behemoth moved his arm a fraction.

“Uh-oh” She murmured.

The kett were still firing, having found their advantage. Scott and the others were trying to get to her through the gunfire. The more she focused on what was happening, the more the behemoth was able to move. She was going to lose him. Emma licked her lips nervously and glanced at the group of kett trying to advance into the room. Maybe just a little push. Emma concentrated, pushing the behemoth away from her and…holy shit it was working. The behemoth struggled, but it was too late. Emma pushed with all she had and he flew back right into the group of kett. He landed on them hard, giving the team enough time and leverage to push through and finish them off. Emma felt something wet and warm drip from her nose. She looked down to see droplets of blood splash down onto her armor. It was…a familiar feeling.

Emma struggled to sit up, her head still hurting from her collision. Large hands hooked underneath her arms and help her stand up. Jaal was holding her up, and holding her close until she regained her balance. Scott was in front of her, pulling a medigel pack from his armor and shoving it into hers. It took a moment for it to enter her system. The pain in her head dulled enough.

“Are you okay?” Scott’s face was close again.

She nodded, “That one was not my fault.”

He let out a sigh of relief and chuckled, “I know, I’m still going to blame you though.”

Jaal’s hands didn’t leave her. He kept them on her shoulders to keep her steady. She’d like to say she didn’t like it, but she did. Besides, it was better than her falling on her face. She looked down at her helmet that was laying on the floor. The back was cracked open.

“Well my helmets fucked.” She sighed.

“We’ll get you a new one.” Jaal promised.

“We should move.” Drack reminded them.

As if on cue, SAM spoke, “Pathfinder, there is little time to waste. You need to leave this ship.”

“Alright, let’s move out.” Scott ordered.

Jaal handed Emma her bow, which was still one piece thankfully. He stayed by her side as they backtracked through the room, stepping over fallen kett. She was fine. The ringing in her ears had subsided considerably. She wasn’t good as new, but she was still able to fight. And something told her they were going to fight their way off.

“Pathfinder, a moment. I’m picking up krogan life signs onboard the ship. Several are being held captive not far from your location. They are scheduled for exaltation.” SAM interrupted their trek back.

“Could be the rest of Drack’s missing scouts.” Jaal said.

“SAM do we have the time to get there before the kett restore power?”

SAM was silent a moment, “If you act quickly.” He finally answered.

Scott turned to each of them to confirm they were onboard. They all nodded back at him.

Scott’s omnitool pinged, “Ryder, it’s Raeka. I’m pinned down. Don’t think I’m going to make it.”

“Where are you?” Scott asked.

“Near holding cells where they’re keeping several of my people. They’re still alive. I ordered Captain Hayjer back to the ark.”

“Dammit Raeka, you should be with him.”

“I couldn’t leave my people-I had to try. And now…I think it’s over. From one pathfinder to another. Farewell. Raeka out.”

“There isn’t time to save both. Once the kett restore power, you’ll be trapped.” SAM sounded almost regretful.

“Ryder, you have to save my men.” Drack stepped forward.

“If we do the salarians die too and another pathfinder.” Scott clenched and unclenched his fists.

“I know these kids Ryder! I sent them here. I have to get them out!” Drack shouted.

“Don’t act like this is an easy decision, especially when you’re not the one making it.” Scott shouted back.

Emma put her hand on Scott’s shoulder, “Let’s make it easy then.”

Scott looked at her.

She shrugged, “I’ll go get Raeka, you three go get Drack’s scouts.”

“Absolutely not.” Scott shook his head.

“Scott-“

“No, you are not in any condition to run off and fight by yourself.”

“I’m fine and I won’t be alone. Raeka and the salarians can back me up. It’s a sound decision and you know it.

“You saw what they did to the salarians down there. They’ll do it to the rest of them. I can’t let that happen.” She argued.

Scott sighed, “Fine, but hurry and get back to the Tempest in one piece.”

She nodded, “I will.”

Jaal’s hand clapped down on her shoulder, “Be careful Emma.”

She smirked, “Don’t worry big guy, I’ll see you later.”

~

The Tempest flew in to rescue them from the top deck. The krogans were in front, running full speed towards the ship, while Scott, Jaal, and Drack provided cover fire from the few kett that tried to come up after them. There was no sign or word from Emma and Scott was worried. She better make it here. She better make it. The ramp lowered and the krogan ran up and into the cargo bay. Scott and Jaal hunkered down on the ramp, firing at the kett. He had to hold them off. Just until she got here.

“Where is she?” Jaal shouted.

“I don’t know!” Scott shouted, hearing the desperation in his own voice.

“Scott!” Cora was coming down the ramp.

He ignored. He knew what she going to say and he was not having. Scott continued to shoot the never-ending kett that swarmed the top deck. Clear path. He had to clear a path.

“Scott, we have to go!” Cora shouted at him again.

“I’m not leaving without her!”

“Pathfinder-“

He saw it then. The sign he was fighting for. He could see signs of blue moving through the kett. Kett fell and slid across the deck as shots rang out. She was coming. Emma was supporting a limping Raeka, her pistol unholstered and firing through kett as she brought the salarians. Jaal let out a laugh beside him and clapped him on the back. He was just as excited to see her as Scott was. The salarians ran past Cora and into the Tempest. Cora took Raeka from Emma and brought her aboard the ship. She hunkered down in between Jaal and Scott to shoot any remaining kett while the others readied themselves for take-off. Scott noticed the tired look on her face and the fresh blood dripping from her nose. He would address it later.

The Tempest lurched as the ramp was lifted into the ship. Jaal wrapped his arm around Emma’s waist to keep her from moving. Scott noted the shared look between them and the slight blush on her cheeks. Finally, ammunition to tease her with later. The door closed shut. The three of them stood. Everyone was safe and accounted for. It was time to go.

“Alright Kallo, let’s get these people home.” Scott ordered.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for being patient and sticking with me. I hope you enjoyed this update!


	14. There is no Distraction to Mask What is Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no. First the cried on him, and that was bad enough, now she had slept in his bed. Without showering, dried blood still underneath her nose, and her face red and tear-stained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested in the music for this chapter:
> 
> Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots  
> Blue Bayou by Linda Ronstadt  
> Bring It on Home to Me by Sam Cooke
> 
> All songs are in the playlist linked at the bottom

It was so loud.

Everyone crowded in the cargo bay. Drack and the Krogans were off to one side. The salarians were on the other, surrounding the injured Raeka. Lexi was moving through the groups tending to injuries based on severity. The Tempest crew was intermingled with the groups, trying to pry for information and make sure everyone was alright.

It was too much for Emma.

She needed to get out. Voices grated at her ears, every one of them shrill and piercing, even though they weren’t. It made her chest burn in anger. She pressed her lips tightly together, keeping her words inside. Thankfully, no one was paying much attention to her at the moment. Except for the angara that was standing across the room, his eyes not leaving her quite yet. She slipped through the others and made way for the exit. The lift would draw too much attention.

She was heading towards the weapons locker. She needed to get her armor off before it choked her to death. Not really thinking, she walked through the Tempest. She wondered briefly when she had become so familiar with the space. It flitted through her mind and was gone. Something she could think about later. Her armor weighed so much.

It was quiet, small, in the locker room. But there was no air. Emma tried to suck in a lungful of air, but it wasn’t enough. She fumbled, trying to pull off her chest plate, feeling clumsy. Sweat dripped down her face and wet her cheeks. Or maybe she was crying. It was hard to tell. A pain flared in the base of her skull, making her grit her teeth.

_Please_

She dropped her chest piece on the ground. Her body suit was sticking to her as she sweat. Another pulse. More pain.

_Stop_

Emma squeezed her eyes shut. She leaned against the wall, her fingers picking at the straps of her arm and leg pieces. It was so damn heavy. But there was no relief when the pieces dropped to the floor. Maybe it was her body suit. It clung to her, suffocating her. She reached for the zipper and yanked it down. The suit peeled off her. She shivered when the cool air hit the sweat on her skin.

_It hurts_

Emma slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. Her knees were pressed to her chest. If she could have curled any further inward, she would have. This was not what she had hoped for when she wanted memories back. The door opened, but she didn’t look up. She was sure she already looked like a mess just sitting here on the floor in only her underwear and sports bra, her armor pieces scattered around her. The person didn’t say anything. She just heard them move closer to her and slide down onto the floor beside her. There was a buzzing on her skin, a warmth that started at her arms and worked its way inwards. She looked up then, staring into eyes she had become familiar with over the past couple of weeks.

Jaal’s own eyes were wet, the telltale track of tears had dampened his cheeks. Without thinking, she reached out and touched his face, her thumb brushing away any more stray tears. His skin vibrated under her touch. Pink skin flushed dark beneath her fingers. The buzzing across her own skin increased, the warmth placating the panic that had gathered underneath her sternum. It was strange, but not unpleasant. She dropped her fingers to his rofjinn. It was soft and she gently curled the fabric into her hand.

_What am I doing?_

Emma turned to the side and laid her head on Jaal’s rofjinn. It was quiet and she just listened to the deep rumble in his chest. His chest rose and fell under her cheek. It was a foreign and yet familiar feeling. It was a needed feeling. Jaal remained quiet, his hand coming up to rest in the middle of her back. His thumb pressed soothing circles into her skin.

_How could they do it?_

Her eyes filled again. Tears for the salarians and for the others and for herself. Emma turned her face into Jaal’s chest trying to hide her face. His arm tightened around her. He didn’t try to stop her from crying, or placating her with meaningless sentiment. He just let her feel. For once, she felt comforted.

~

Emma wasn’t quite sure when she fell asleep. It was hard to remember anything past the crying into Jaal’s rofjinn. Which was embarrassing enough to think about as it was. Her eyes fluttered open and she groaned into a blanket. At least it was dark. And the couch was soft, softer than she remembered it being. Maybe just a little bit longer then. Emma burrowed into the covers. She hadn’t dreamed about anything, which was a nice change of pace, and she could stand for a little more sleep.

Someone cleared their throat and her eyes opened. She wasn’t on a couch. There were no windows in here. She was not in the meeting room. The only light in the room came from the computer screens. The other lights had been dimmed. When the hell had she ended up in the tech lab? And if she was in the tech lab, then she was definitely not sleeping on a couch. Emma shot up, using her arms to steady herself when she got lightheaded. She had been sleeping into a large oversize cot, Jaal’s cot.

Oh no. First the cried on him, and that was bad enough, now she had slept in his bed. Without showering, dried blood still underneath her nose, and her face red and tear-stained. He was sitting across the room, his rifle apart and in pieces in front of him, his eyes lingering on her. Emma wiped at her cheeks, feeling the dried tear tracks.

“I slept here?” Her voice was still thick with sleep.

Jaal nodded and set down his rifle components. He turned towards her fully. He looked tired, as if he hadn’t bothered sleeping. It was probably because she had taken over his bed. How had she anyway? She was in the weapons locker and then woke up here.

She cleared her throat, “How did I get here?”

“You fell asleep in the locker room. I brought you here because the Salarians had taken the couches in the meeting room…and for privacy.”

“Privacy?”

“I didn’t think you would want the others to see you in that state. Did I make the wrong choice?”

“No,” she shook her head, “Thank you. I appreciate it. This is a little embarrassing.”

He stood up from his seat and crossed the room to sit next to her, “Why is it embarrassing?”

“Crying in front of someone you don’t really know isn’t embarrassing?”

“Crying is not embarrassing; however, I have noticed humans find it a sign of weakness.”

“It means you can’t control your emotions.”

He chuckled, “It is fascinating how much you want to control something that shouldn’t be controlled. The angara are not weak because they feel deeply, in fact, we are stronger for it.”

“Emotions can make you lose focus.”

“Or remind you what you’re fighting for.”

She didn’t have much to say to that. He wasn’t wrong, but it went against everything Alec had taught her. She had to stay focused, don’t let anything get the best of her, focus on the mission and nothing else. Maybe it was their flaw. Maybe they would fight harder if they did think about what they were fighting for. Maybe she would actually remember why she was fighting. For herself? For others? To make someone proud even though they’re gone? To prove she wasn’t a monster?

“What do you fight for?” She looked up to meet his gaze.

“My family, my friends, those who were taken, and those who died fighting the kett.” His tone was unwavering.

What do you fight for Emma?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t have family…well I suppose there’s Scott, but I don’t know how much that counts anymore,” She rubbed the back of her head absently, “it’s hard to know what I’m fighting for when I don’t remember what’s been lost, like family.”

Jaal pulled a small towel off from his desk and a water bottle. She watched as he wet the towel with some water. The room was silent as he did so. Neither of them spoke. She supposed it was hard to really say anything after that.

Jaal pressed the cloth to the skin under her nose, trying to clean the blood as best as he could, “Is that what you want Emma? A family? Or do you truly want to be alone?”

The question caught her off-guard. Did she want to be alone? It would be awfully quiet and…lonely. What did she want? Was she allowed to want?

“When I first boarded the Tempest, I was prepared to kill everyone on this ship if it was necessary. I trusted no one. Ryder tried to speak to me, but until I saw his deeds with my own eyes, I didn’t want to be too open. He confided in me that the crew was like his family, and he extended an invitation into his family.

This could be your family. What you fight for. If you let it.” Jaal drew his hand back.

She scoffed, “I don’t think anyone really wants me here. I’m trouble.”

“I do.” He didn’t hesitate.

“You don’t understand.” She sighed.

“Help me understand.”

“Everyone on this ship could get hurt if I stay. I’m going to be going against people who are like me. That’s not fair to anyone here.”

“Did you ask anyone or are you making assumptions about their feelings?” Jaal challenged.

“My assumptions regarding what people think of me are hardly wrong.”

“I think you are just afraid. You are afraid of being rejected. Of forging relationships where you must care. So, you don’t even try.”

She gaped at him, “You don’t know a damn thing about me.”

He chuckled, “You are not so mysterious Emma. You are scared and unsure and lonely. I know because I can feel it.”

That gave her pause, “You can feel it?”

His eyes lit up and he nodded.

“How can you feel it?”

“You give off electric signals. Stronger than any humans I’ve met before. I cannot feel it all the time, but when you experience strong emotions I can.”

She just stared at him as he was so matter of fact about it. She gave off bioelectric signals…? What else could she do? Glow in the damn dark? Fly? Jet through space and right into the black hole? Emma let out a breath and ran her fingers through her hair. She grimaced at how oily her hair had gotten from sweating. Oh god, she hadn’t even showered and here she was in Jaal’s bed. She didn’t want to think about how bad she smelled. Or crying on him, which put her in this position in the first place.

“You are upset.” He leaned towards her.

Her attention was on him as he reached for her hand. Should she take it? What could it hurt really? He waited patiently, allowing her to make the choice. Shaking slightly, she slipped her hand in his. It was disconcerting to say the least. To think there would be someone who could feel how she felt. It would make it a hell of a lot harder to bluff. It made her feel vulnerable. Like he could peel away the layers to the raw hurt underneath everything.

She felt the buzzing again. It started where their hands touched and worked its way up her arms. It was warm and soothing. Emma shifted and leaned closer to Jaal.

“This is you?”

He nodded, “It is my response to how you feel.”

“Your response?” She looked up at him.

“Angara share our emotions with each other this way. I was giving you comfort.”

She flushed, “It must make it difficult to lie.”

“I suppose it would, but we tend not to.”

If Jaal was a model for most of his species she could see it. His large eyes stared at her, boring into her the more he stared. She doubted he would like what he saw. Feeling uncomfortable, she withdrew her hand and settled it in her lap. He didn’t look disappointed or upset that she did so.

“I should probably shower before we reach the nexus.” She mumbled.

“Emma, we are currently docked at the Nexus.” SAM interrupted.

“Really? How long was I asleep?”

“You were asleep for ten hours.”

She winced, “I’ve never slept that long before.”

“You were exhausted. Lexi was worried about your head injury, but SAM reassured her that you were fine. It seems a good rest was needed.” 

“I’m sorry I took over your bed for so long,” She stood up from the cot, bringing the blanket with her, “I can drop this in the laundry chute. Least I can do for inconveniencing you.”

Jaal stood up beside her, his fingers gently pulling the blanket from hers, “You are not an inconvenience Emma.”

Emma flushed. What was this? How to fluster her in less than ten words? She didn’t know what to do with her hands now that the blanket was gone. He was just staring down at her, his gaze open and honest and…affectionate.

“Right. I should um go.” She pointed to the door.

She turned on her heel and practically fled the room. She veered left to head up the ramp to find a spare change of clothes. Her skin was hot and uncomfortable. The Nexus loomed in the large window, blocking any decent view of the space it existed in. Poor Scott, was probably up there dealing with Tann now. Emma rifled through a small bag next to one of the couches. Thankfully, Vetra had managed to find her some clothes, or Emma would have run out of underwear a long time ago. The rest of her clothes were in Kadara. She paused at the thought of Kadara. After this, Scott was taking her back to Kadara and she would have to make her choice. Should she stay or should she go?

_You are not an inconvenience._

Emma clutched the clothes between her hands. Did he really mean it? She shook her head and headed back down the ramp. Maybe a hot shower would clear the Jaal out of her head. The ship was quiet and seemingly empty. The crew was probably at Vortex, trying the drink the last mission away. Not that she could blame them. It is certainly something she would do. Anything to rid herself of the images.

The bathroom was also empty. She set her clothes down on the edge of the sink. She hardly recognized the person staring back at her in the mirror. Dried tears, red cheeks, and mussed hair greeted her. Emma rubbed at her face, her fingers straying to where the blood would have been, if Jaal hadn’t cleaned it for her. Her eyes closed and she could almost feel his gentle fingers on her face again. Dammit Emma, focus. Shower first. She stripped down, tossing her clothes down the chute, and turned on the hot water. The heat soothed every muscle in her body and she sagged against the wall in relief.

The door opened and Emma sighed. So much for being alone. A blonde head peaked around the corner.

Cora cleared her throat, “I can come back later.”

Emma shrugged, “There’s another showerhead. I’m not opposed to sharing.”

Cora was quiet as she slipped past Emma and turned on the other shower. She sighed audibly when the water hit her. The bathroom remained quiet, albeit a bit awkwardly. Emma shampooed her hair in the silence.

“I can admit when I’m…wrong about someone.”

Emma looked up as Cora spoke.

Cora continued, “I made a snap judgement about you and I was wrong.”

“It’s fine Cora. You aren’t the first person to do so.”

“Maybe, but I should know better. As Scott’s second I should trust him more. He and Alec clearly cared for you a lot. It just reminded me how little I knew about Alec and his decisions. It made me…angry and it clouded my judgement of you.”

Emma was at a loss for words, “Thank you for your honesty.”

Cora nodded and paused before speaking again, “Scott left you out of the report. Raeka agreed to keep you a secret for now. I don’t know how he managed to convince her.”

“He did?”

“Yes. I didn’t like it at first, but I understand that he wanted to protect you. People are still skittish around biotics. I can imagine the sort of scrutiny you will be under.” Cora turned off her showerhead.

Emma was silent as Cora slipped past her again. Scott kept her from the Nexus, just like Alec had. He was afraid for her. He broke protocol for her. Cora stopped just before exiting the showers.

“I think it would be nice if you stayed.”

~

Kadara drifted below them. Scott had asked to wait to dock until the morning, allowing them to spend one more night together. Emma had agreed. Since they left the Nexus, she had been quiet and lost in thought. She avoided everyone, especially Lexi. She still wasn’t feeling up to being poked and prodded while in windowless and suffocating med bay. Thankfully, Lexi hadn’t pushed to see her.  Scott had purposefully avoided the subject of the Salarian ark. Ever since he stepped foot back on the Tempest he always looked like he wanted to say something. The twelve-hour trip to Kadara was awkward as Scott and Emma danced around each other. She was surprised he didn’t bust a proverbial door down and get his answers about her implant. Maybe he was really angry with her. Maybe he was ready to kick her ass back to Kadara and be done with it.

Everyone was in the cargo bay except for Suvi and Kallo. Gil and Liam were discussing upgrades to the nomad. Vetra was in and out of the weapons locker, taking stock of ammo and upgrades. Cora was filling out reports for the Nexus for Scott to double check later. Drack and Lexi were having a quiet conversation on the second level. Scott and Jaal were lingering around the spare room, their heads bent towards each other and whispering ominously. Their eyes strayed towards her every couple of minutes. She was trying to ignore it as she balanced her journal on her knee. She made a point to write about what happened on the Salarian ark. Any new revelations about herself went straight into the journal. Just in case. Someone loudly clearing their throat made her look up.

“Can I borrow your music player?” Scott was fidgety.

“Why?”

“It’s a surprise.”

She narrowed her eyes, but pulled it from her back pocket and handed it over, “Don’t break it.”

He snatched it from her and grinned, “I won’t”

He walked back over to Jaal and they resumed whispering. Emma could no longer ignore the two of them, plotting god knows what in the corner. With a sigh, she flipped her journal shut and set it on a crate beside her. The pen went into her bun so she didn’t lose it. After a few minutes both of them headed back over and set a small device down on the crate.

“What is this?” She asked.

“A portable stereo.” Scott gestured to it.

“We put it together.” Jaal added.

“We?”

“Well mostly Jaal.” Scott admitted.

Jaal nodded, beaming with pride. Emma looked between the two of them. They made something for her? Emma felt a strange feeling in her chest that she tried to ignore. They were clever. Emma touched her music player that sitting snugly between two speakers. She flipped through her music selection, randomly selecting a song with the touch of her finger. The sound came through the speakers clearly.

_I feel so bad I got a worried mind_

_I’m so lonesome all the time_

_Since I left my baby behind_

_On Blue Bayou_

Scott held his hand out to her. Emma raised an eyebrow as she stared at his hand. He wasn’t serious, was he? The others had stopped what they were doing to watch. Liam and Gil were grinning like idiots. Vetra had poked her head out of the weapons locker. Even Cora had a small smile on her lips. Emma shook her head, but took his hand nonetheless. Scott pulled her from the crate she had been perched on and into a small space free of crates and the nomad. His hand rested on her hip and he kept hold of her other hand in his. Emma fought a small smile.

“Mom and dad used to dance like this.” His voice was quiet, not going over the song.

She looked up at him.

He nodded, “Every time dad came back from deployments, mom would cook something special and we would celebrate. And every single time he would interrupt her cooking to dance with her in the kitchen to their song.”

 _Childish laughter._ Emma felt a sharp pain in her head. _The smell of garlic and basil._ Emma closed her eyes and winced. _Bring your sweet love and bring it on home to me._

“Emma?” Scott had stopped moving and was looking down at her, “Are you okay?”

She opened her eyes and met his gaze, “Bring it on home to me.”

“What?”

“That was their song. Bring it on home to me by Sam Cooke.”

“You remembered?” He was quiet.

She nodded in disbelief, “I remembered.”

Scott gripped both of her shoulders, shaking her slightly, “Is that why dad gave you an implant?”

Emma was still in a daze. She remembered. Just like that. Not everything, but just enough. It felt like she had reached into the abyss and snagged another fragment of herself. A piece that wasn’t jagged and meant to hurt, but one to make her a little more whole.

“He wasn’t sure that I could remember, but he wanted to try and prevent it from happening again.”

“But you remembered?” Scott let out an incredulous laugh.

Before she could register the movement, she was smooshed into a broad chest. Scott’s arms were wrapped around her. He was hugging her like he was going to lose her. Technically, if she walked out the door and back to her “home” then he would. But Kadara wasn’t her home. It was a place to sleep and earn money. She didn’t feel anything there. It was a place for her to run and hide. She didn’t come to Andromeda to hide. And now she had a reason to keep on. With or without Alec.

_You can’t run from everything._

“I’ll need to get my stuff.” Emma’s voice was muffled into Scott’s chest.

Scott pulled back, “What was that?”

“I’ll need to get my stuff.” She repeated.

“Does this mean…?” Scott trailed off, looking scared that she would take it back.

“I’ll stay.”

 

 


	15. There Goes Today...It Slowly Fades Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma shoved past him to head for the doors. If Kallo was telepathic he would shoot her out into space now.
> 
> Scott poked her in the side, “You blushed.”
> 
> “I did not.”
> 
> “You still are.” He poked her in the cheek.
> 
> Slapping his hand away, she poked him in the chest, “Knock it off Scott Ryder or I won’t stay.”
> 
> He backed off with a big smirk on his face, “I don’t think you could stay away if you tried.”

Emma was up early, already geared up and ready to go, minus a helmet of course. The cargo bay was quiet. It was perfect for sipping coffee before she had to step foot back on Kadara. It was nice. Having her mind made up for once. There were no second thoughts. No cold feet. She agreed to stay and she was going to. Hopefully it would be as nice as she hoped. More memories. Hell, she could take the bad, if she also got more of the good.

A hand patted her gently on the head. She jumped slightly and looked up at Scott. He was grinning at her like an idiot.

“Someone’s up early.” He sat across from her, nursing his own cup.

She shrugged, “Got shit to do today.”

His grin grew wider at her nonchalance, “You’re excited, aren’t you?”

She scoffed, “Shut up.”

Emma hid her grin in her cup. Okay, maybe she was just a little excited. Scott nudged her with his knee.

“I already have Kallo taking us down. I figure Liam and Jaal can go with us and get your stuff. Get in and get out.”

“Can the Pathfinder just get in and get out?” She leaned back against a crate.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I thought you would be out there shaking hands and kissing babies.”

He rolled his eyes, “Really Emma? I thought you were better than that.”

“Do you really know me then?” She teased.

“Enough to blackmail you.” He shot back.

“You wouldn’t?”

“I would.” He pointedly took a sip of coffee.

“You play dirty. Noted.”

“Hopefully, you’ll remember that about me.” He looked at her with his big, soulful eyes, and she wondered how she ever mistook him for Alec.

Her voice was quiet. “I hope so too.”

It was a nice moment. Peaceful. Honest. The most she had been in a long time. She wanted to remember. Everything. Everything she could take back, she would. They just sat there. Basking in that moment. The silence was shattered by the sound of footsteps moving through the Tempest, towards the cargo bay. Looks like it was almost time to go. Liam and Jaal came down the lift, chattering far too animatedly for first thing in the morning.

“Is he always so cheerful in the morning?” Emma looked over at the pair.

“That depends.”

“How does the depend?” She turned back to Scott.

“On how interested you are in Jaal.”

Emma felt her cheeks darken and she frowned, “I am not interested.”

“Oh please, Emma. You like him.” He leaned forward and whispered, if you could really call it that.

She shook her and stood up, leaving her empty cup on the crate, “I do not.”

“You’re a horrible liar.”

Emma shoved past him to head for the doors. If Kallo was telepathic he would shoot her out into space now.

Scott poked her in the side, “You blushed.”

“I did not.”

“You still are.” He poked her in the cheek.

Slapping his hand away, she poked him in the chest, “Knock it off Scott Ryder or I won’t stay.”

He backed off with a big smirk on his face, “I don’t think you could stay away if you tried.”

“Everything alright over here?” Liam interrupted.

Liam and Jaal were both staring at them in confusion. Jaal’s eyes slid to meet hers and she felt her chest flush. She quickly looked away. Thanks Scott, now she couldn’t even look him in the eye. He was nice sure, but she hardly doubted blushing correlated to her having a crush on him. He would be better off if she never did.

“Yeah, we’re good.” She answered Liam.

Liam raised a brow, “Riiight, nothing awkward going on over here then,” He turned to Scott, “So what’s the plan?”

“We’re just escorting Emma to wherever she’s been staying and getting her stuff.”

“No Pathfinder stuffs?”

Emma smirked at Scott.

“Not if I can help it.”

“You’re missing something.” Emma spoke up, leaning against the nomad.

“What?”

“Sloane.”

“What about Sloane?” Scott looked confused.

“You didn’t exactly take me out of here on the best of terms. She’s going to be expecting me to walk off this ship. I don’t doubt she’ll be waiting.” Emma sighed.

“We can handle Sloane.”

Liam shook his head, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“I agree.” Emma nodded at Liam, “You’ll alienate yourself from Kadara and you won’t be able to settle an outpost.”

“Then what should I do?”

“Hand me over.”

Jaal stepped forward, “We are not handing you over.”

“Agreed.” Scott narrowed his eyes at Emma.

She sighed, “I need you two to trust me. I can handle Sloane without you losing a foothold in Kadara.”

“I don’t like this.” Scott folded his arms over his chest.

“I know. But I can handle it. I’ll meet you at the entrance to the badlands afterwards.”

“What if you need help?” Jaal argued.

“I can alert you if the situation escalates.” SAM interjected.

She nodded, “Sloane will be all too happy to get me out of Kadara. Trust me.”

Scott let out a breath and rubbed his hands through his hair making it stick up, “Fine. Gear up then.”

Scott and Liam both turned to grab their gear. Jaal looked like he wanted to argue even further. He was still close to her. Only an arm’s length away. She leaned against the nomad. It was just the two of them in the cargo bay now.

“I don’t like this plan.” He finally spoke.

“I know.”

“I wish you would take one of us with you.”

“What happened with Sloane is my fault. I have to handle it. Without putting everyone else in danger.”

“Emma _please_.” He pleaded.

He was staring at her with those big eyes again. She was tempted to agree, but she refused to mix anyone in her problems. Especially Jaal.

_That means you like him._

_Shut up._

The chattering of the other two silenced any reply she might have. Jaal did not move away from her. She dropped her eyes from his gaze, but she could still feel it. It made her feel bad. Scott came up beside her and nudged her shoulder with his. He handed her bow over to her and a quiver full of arrows.

“Just in case.” He shrugged.

“Pulling into port Ryder.” Kallo’s voice echoed from the intercom.

“Thanks, Kallo.”

The four of them waited by the ramp. She was stuck in between Scott and Jaal. Their reluctance to let her go rolled off of them in waves. The ramp lowered to reveal an empty dock. It was not surprising, not to her at least. Sloane wouldn’t want to be embarrassed once again. She was first one down the ramp despite the protests behind her. Kaetus was waiting by the doors, his hands clasped behind his back. The only sound on the docks was of the groups footsteps as they approached him. Emma held her hands out to show she was unarmed. Well, she at least didn’t have a gun.

“Kaetus.” She nodded at him.

He sighed, “Emma.”

“Sloane wants to see you.”

“Well, she doesn’t send her best guard dog for nothing.”

Kaetus straightened up, “I am not her dog.”

“Relax Kaetus. I’m not here to fight with you. I’ll go.”

“Just you.” He eyed the others behind her.

She inclined her head, “Of course.”

A gentle hand wrapping around her wrist stopped her from immediately following Kaetus. She turned to meet Jaal’s eyes. His eyes pleaded with her in ways that his words did not. Her heart hammered in her throat before she placed her hand over his.

“I’ll be fine. Just wait for me. Okay?” Her voice was softer than she had ever heard it before.

He looked behind her to stare down Kaetus before nodding, “Okay.”

He relented and let go of her. She turned away and followed Kaetus into the port before she could change her mind. Before she could ask for help. Before she could drag Jaal into her questionable choices. He didn’t deserve that. The people in the port stared at her. She was used to it. A flurry of activity drew her attention to right outside Umi’s bar. One of the bounty hunters from before had pushed his way to the front of the crowd and was glaring at her. A few others held him back when she smirked and waved.

Kaetus stopped right in front of the doors and turned to her, “Behave.”

She didn’t bother with an answer. They both knew there were no guarantees. Sloane was volatile and it didn’t matter about the size of the candle Kaetus was carrying for her, he knew it better than anyone. She followed him through the halls until they reached Sloane’s “throne room.” The doors opened and the only thing she could see was Sloane’s pissed off glare. No one was else was in the room. Not even Kaetus was setting foot in the room. Emma shrugged and walked past to face Sloane head on.

“You have nerve coming back.” Sloane sat forward in her chair.

Emma shrugged, “I had to get my things.”

Sloane leaned back, “So…I’m just supposed to sit here and let you run off with the Pathfinder and forget that you stole from me. And made a mockery of my organization.”

“Organization?” Emma scoffed, “Is that what you call this? You sit on a pedestal held up by protection fees, drug addicts, and the angara. You’re not a fucking leader Sloane. Not anymore.”

Sloane stood from her chair, “Kadara Port is mine and you won’t take it from me.”

“Trust me, I don’t fucking want it.”

“You can fool everyone else, but I can tell when someone wants nothing more than power.” Sloane tried stood toe to toe with her.

Emma laughed at that, “You are delusional. Are you sure you’re fit to lead?”

“No one can do better. I have bled for these people! They will not follow anyone else.”

“That might change. Especially if the angara found out you were trying to exterminate their settlements.”

“Like I would let you.”

Emma took a step forward, forcing Sloane back, “Like you could stop me.”

Silence stretched between them like a taut rubber band. Anything could happen. Sloane could call in her guards and they could have a repeat of last time. Emma especially enjoyed when she got to break her nose. Or Sloane could concede. Emma took another step forward, pushing Sloane back to her chair. Sloane didn’t break eye contact as she sat back down. It would seem she was conceding for now.

“If you let me go into the badlands to get my things undisturbed, I will board the Tempest and you won’t have to see me again,” Emma leaned toward until she was nose to nose with Sloane, “And I’ll even keep your dirty little secret.”

Sloane clenched her jaw so hard Emma could hear her teeth grinding together, “Fine. Get. Out.”

Emma smirked and pulled away. That went better than she thought it would. She didn’t really feel like fighting her way out of outcast headquarters for a second time. She just wanted to get off this planet. She came to Andromeda to see the stars and have a new life. Dammit she was going to do just that.

“If you come back, our agreement is null and void.” Sloane spoke up just before Emma walked out.

Emma nodded and left without sparing Sloane another glance. Kaetus went in right as she walked out. Emma almost felt a little bad for him. But he knew who Sloane was and what he was getting into. No one else glanced at her as she walked back into a port. There was a small crowd outside of Umi’s bar. It wasn’t any of her damn business. Emma walked through with a singular goal in mind. She just had to meet Scott and get this over with. Yet the crowd drew her gaze. They were crowded over a dead angara that had been dumped in the middle of the walkway. She slowed down as neared the crowd.

“Another one?” Someone whispered.

“It’s the second one in a week.”

Emma frowned, but kept moving. It had nothing to do with her and she didn’t want to linger in the port any longer than necessary. If she lingered too long Sloane wouldn’t give a shit and send someone after her anyways. It wasn’t until she was hitting the button for the lift that she breathed a little. One thing done. She stepped inside.

“Wait! Hold the lift!”

Emma reached forward and stopped the doors from closing. She pushed them back in. A young man ran into the lift, breathing heavily.

“Thanks.” He managed between breaths.

“No problem.” Emma leaned against the back wall.

He turned to look at her, “I don’t usually go into the badlands.”

She smirked, “Everyone should experience it at least once.”

He chuckled, “I guess so.

I’m Kennedy by the way.”

He stuck his hand out to her. Emma just stared at it a moment before taking it. He shook her hand vigorously and she actually looked up at him and made eye contact. His vivid green eyes held her. It was like they froze her to spot. Unease brewed in her stomach. He looked so familiar to her. A smile curved his lips and she almost expected to see sharp teeth.

“What’s your name?” He prompted.

_Don’t answer. Don’t answer. Don’t answer._

“Emma.” She realized he was still holding her hand, but she didn’t fight it. She didn’t think she could. She couldn’t move at all. Why couldn’t she move. What was wrong with her?

The doors to the lift opened. The sound made her jump and she pulled her hand from his. He smiled at her again.

“Nice to meet you Emma. Maybe we’ll meet again.” He stepped out of lift, leaving her staring at his back.

What the hell was that? That had never happened to her before. She couldn’t move. He was touching her and she couldn’t move. He asked a question and she answered. She couldn’t stop herself.

The doors started to close and she pressed the button to open them again. She stepped out of the lift, but he was gone. It was like he had just disappeared. Did that really even happen then? She shuddered and walked towards entrance to the badlands. She could handle a little less weird shit in her life.

Scott, Liam, and Jaal were already waiting for her at the entrance. They looked relieved when they saw her.  She was still reeling from the man in the elevator. It was like trying to walk through a fog. You knew you were moving, but you were unsure about where you were going. Jaal touched her upper arm drawing her attention. She focused on him, his fingers on her arm, his eyes staring into her.

“We’re good.” She forced a smile, still feeling a little…off.

“That’s it?” Scott tilted his head at her.

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“What the hell happened with Sloane?”

She shrugged, “I can get my stuff, but once we leave I can’t step foot back in Kadara port.”

“How did you get her to agree to that?”

“By doing what I do to get most people to agree.”

He narrowed his eyes, “You threatened her didn’t you.”

“Yes.”

Scott rubbed the back of his neck, “Damn. We should probably hurry up before she changes her mind.

We can get your things really quick and I’ll bring you back to the Tempest before heading back out.”

“Scott if you have something to do, we can do it first. I’m not going to get in the way of your pathfinding.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Don’t worry. Sloane won’t change her mind.”

“If you’re sure. Reyes gave us some information about angara being murdered in the port. I was going to check out a body for clues.”

“Then let’s go.”

He frowned, “Just what do you have on Sloane?”

“I’ll tell you later. Okay?”

He nodded, “Alright.”

Scott turned to walk through the checkpoint and Liam followed. Jaal did not. He hung back, his hand still on Emma’s arm.

“Are you alright? I felt something strange before you got here.” He leaned close so no one else would hear them.

She shook her head, “I’m fine Jaal. We should probably go.” She patted his hand before pulling away.

It’s not like she could tell them what happened. She wasn’t even sure anything happened. Maybe she imagined it. Or maybe that guy really was there and she just gaped at him because she isn’t used to attention.

The nomad was waiting for them by the forward station. Scott handed her Carnifex over to strap to her thigh. Jaal was already climbing into the nomad. Liam waited patiently by the door. He grinned at her.

“Already called shotgun.”

She sighed, “Of course you did.”

She climbed behind the seat and sat next to Jaal. She was squished between Jaal’s thigh and the window. The nomad was definitely not made suitable for an angara crew member. She threw a glare in Scott’s direction when she heard him laughing. It was not funny. And she did not like him. Liam and Scott closed the doors and strapped in.

Emma leaned back against the seat and rested her head against the window. It was far from comfortable. They weren’t already halfway through the day and she was already tired. Tired of dealing with people. The scenery, sand and sulfur springs, passed by in a blur. She wasn’t going to miss Kadara much. It was disgusting pit of a place and the people sucked. She wasn’t going to miss wondering where her next meal would come from or if she would have to resort to dancing in Tartarus.

The nomad stopped and she leaned forward, “Where are we?”

“Charybdis point.” Scott unbuckled his seatbelt.

Her stomach flipped and she grabbed Scott by the shoulder to keep him in place, “We’re where?”

He turned and looked at her, “Charybdis point. Reyes said there’s a dead krogan that was left here.”

Emma didn’t take the time to think. She was climbing over Liam and pushing the door open. His surprise and loud ‘what the fuck’ fell on deaf ears. Emma tumbled out of the nomad. Her fingers dug into the sand as she pushed herself up on her feet. She needed to get inside. The others piled out behind her, shocked by her behavior.

_Please don’t let it be him. Please. Please._

“Dammit Emma! Wait!” Scott was hot on her heels as she ran up the stairs.

She held her omnitool up to the holo-lock and it turned green. The doors opened and the smell punched her in the gut. The smell of putrefaction invaded her olfactory senses and made her gag. Emma backed away from the door. Her fingers reached for something, anything to grab, until they settled on the metal railing. She looked up at the others who looked equally sick.

They had to go in. She had to go in. She needed to know. Emma tucked her nose into the crook of her elbow and turned back to the threshold. It didn’t do nearly enough to stop the smell. Scott was in front of her trying to keep her from going in. His hand reached for her arm. He was speaking to her. Words tumbled from his mouth, but she couldn’t hear them over her thoughts. Emma pushed past him and into the villa, her _house_.

There was blood. It was nothing but brown smears now. It had been there for days. She followed the trail into the other room, her makeshift bedroom. Two pallets rested on either side of the room. Hedrak was laying in the middle of the room, right where the blood trail ended. They killed him and left him here to rot in the heat.

“There’s angaran blood too.” Scott was crouched behind her, scanning the blood trails.

The Roekkar. It had to be. No one else would do this. Jaal had picked up a datapad close to Hedrak. He switched it on and stared at the message. His lips moved as he read the message, his brow furrowed. After reading he looked up at Emma.  

“What does it say?” Liam nodded at him.

Jaal cleared his throat and looked back at the datapad, “It says: Sloane pinned it on us. Sorry kid, I don’t think I’ll be here when you get back.”

Emma flopped down on one of the crates nearby. He knew the Roekkar were coming. She should have been here. She should have known. She should have put Sloane out of her misery when she had the choice. Emma had been so close. Sloane had sneered in her face, knowing damn well what she had done. Jaal touched her shoulder gently, making her jump. He kneeled down beside her. Liam and Scott were behind him scanning the villa for anything else.

“Why don’t we wait in the nomad?” He murmured.

She shook her head, “I’m not going anywhere until I bury him Jaal. I’m not leaving him like this.”

Scott straightened up, “I’ll call Reyes and see if he has any shovels.”

_Reyes._ Reyes pointed them in this direction. Reyes had known Hedrak was here rotting and had done nothing about it. She nodded at Scott. Liam walked over to the windows and pushed them open. They weren’t made to open far, but anything would help get the smell out. Scott stepped outside to make the call. Jaal stayed beside Emma. She was grateful. He had a knack for keeping her calm. Maybe it was the bioelectricity thing. She wondered if he could feel anything from her.

Liam pulled a duffel bag out of the corner beside one of the cots. He brushed the sand and dust off. He reached into one of the opened crates and pulled her clothes out to stuff them in the duffel bag.

“You don’t have to do that.” Her voice was quiet.

Liam shrugged, “I got it. Just let me know where all your stuff is.”

Emma leaned forward and dropped her head in her hands, “Shit.”

Jaal’s hand was on her back. This was her fault. She didn’t deserve any sort of comfort. But she leaned into his touch anyways. Scott came back inside holding a knife in his hands. Wordlessly, he handed it over to Jaal.

Jaal’s eyes narrowed, “It’s a firaan. It’s definitely Roekkar.”

The sound of another vehicle pulling up made them all jump up. Scott peered out the door and let out a breath.

“It’s just Reyes. I’ll go meet him outside.” Scott exited the villa.

Liam had emptied the crate and was holding up her duffel bag, “Anything else?”

She shook her head, “No, that was everything. Thanks Liam.”

“No problem.” He shouldered the duffel bag and went outside to put it in the nomad.

Emma looked over at Hedrak again. He deserved better than someone who had skipped out on him. She hadn’t even thought of him when she agree to stay on the Tempest. And now he was dead. Burying him was the least she could do. She stood up from the crate and grabbed a blanket from one of the pallets. Jaal helped her wrap him in the blanket. The smell was still powerful, but she could handle it just a little longer. She grabbed his legs while Jaal grabbed him by the shoulders and they lifted him together. Taking careful steps, Jaal guided her outside and down the steps.  Liam and Scott were waiting with Reyes, coming over to help place Hedrak gently on the ground.

Reyes had a shovel in each hand and was staring at Emma warily. He knew her temper. Normally she would have been in his face by now, but she just didn’t have it in her. She just wanted to get this over with. Let this day be over with. Maybe have a day or two where she doesn’t feel like life is punching her in the face.

Scott took one of the shovels from Reyes. The two of them marked a spot close to the villa and started to dig. The fact that Reyes was helping surprised her. Maybe he felt a little bit bad then. The sun beat down on her, but she didn’t care. As soon as they were done, as soon as her friend was buried, she was done. There was no reason to come back to Kadara. 

~

Emma sat on the edge of the couch, her elbows on her knees and her head resting in her hands. Pain pulsated throughout her skull. It pounded behind her eyes and made her feel like her head would burst open. She dragged a breath in through her nose and let it escape from her lips. Alec was always pushing breathing exercises. Angry? Breathe. In pain? Breathe. Being attacked by a pack of wolves? That’s right. Just breathe.

A hand touched her shoulder, making her jump. Big surprise. It made her skull hurt worse. She looked up ready to cuss out the person who touched her, but every word died on her tongue. Jaal was standing beside her. Concern colored every feature of his. Without asking, he sat down beside her, his thigh touching her own.

“Are you alright?” He kept his voice low.

“I’m fine. Just a little headache.” She unclenched her teeth just enough to speak.

“Should I get Lexi?” He moved to stand, but Emma reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Please don’t. It’ll go away in a bit.”

He nodded and sat back down beside her. Everything in her body was tense. Just a little bit longer. A bit longer and it would be gone and she could sleep. Jaal covered her hand, that was still gripping his arm, with his other hand. She was still holding on to him? Strange. She flexed her fingers and let go, but he did not.

“Does this happen often?” He tilted his head at her.

She nodded slightly, not too much to make her headache even worse. He enveloped her fingers in his and moved his arm from underneath her hand. It hovered over the base of her neck. Emma stiffened, unsure of what exactly he was doing.

“May I?” He captured her gaze as he asked.

She didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was large eyes that stared into her core. Or maybe it was the open and honest expression on his face every time he looked at her. She didn’t even ask what he was going to do. She just nodded.

Jaal placed his hand on back of her neck, his thumb was pressing on the pulse point behind her ear and the others were resting on the back of her head. At first there was nothing. And then she felt it. A warm buzzing that started at the base of her skull and worked its way around. It eased the pressure behind her eyes. The pain dulled. It no longer felt like someone had shoved a blade through her head. Her shoulders dropped the tension they carried and she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

Jaal removed his hand from her neck, but didn’t let go of the hand he was holding. She didn’t particularly mind. When Jaal touched her, it didn’t make her feel like her skin was going to detach and run away screaming. Emma leaned back on the couch. She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling.

“Thank you.”

“Why didn’t you go to Lexi?”

She shrugged, “I didn’t want to bother her. It sort of happens a lot. It’s better to just ride it out.”

“It isn’t a bother to ask for help.”

She smiled a little when he said that, “You’re one of the few people I know that would say that.”

“Who are the others?”

“Scott.” She grinned at him.

Jaal leaned back, nearly squishing her into the side of the couch. His shoulder rested against hers.

“You never told us why Sloane had a bounty on you.”

She cleared her throat, “Yeah, I know. It’s not…something I’m entirely proud of.”

“Would you like to tell me what happened?”

“I…can.”

He was quiet and waited for her to continue.

“There are only so many ways to make a living on Kadara. You could sell Oblivion or dance in Tartarus,” she hesitated, “Or you can do mercenary work.”

“You were a mercenary?”

She nodded, “I freelanced. Took jobs for the collective or the outcasts. It didn’t matter as long as I had clothes and food and water. I was good at it. I made a good reputation for myself.

I guess it was only a matter of time that Sloane requested to meet me personally. She was probably assessing how much of a threat I was.”

“Were you?”

“Maybe if I cared about the politics. I find the politics just keeps people starving and gets others killed.”

“What did she want from you?”

“There were two Roekkar camps she wanted me to clear out. I was hesitant at first. I wasn’t one to mess with the locals too much even if they did hate us. But the money was good so I took the job.

The first camp was Roekkar. They were caught off-guard. They weren’t expecting me and a krogan.”

“Your friend?”

She nodded, “Hedrak. We did most of our jobs together and split the money.”

“I see.”

“We cleared almost all of the Roekkar.”

“Almost?”

“There was one. He just looked scared. Couldn’t keep his hands from shaking. He had multiple times to try and shoot me, but he didn’t. I knew he wouldn’t. He was just a kid. So, I told him to go home because his mother must be worried sick.

He was running away, then there was a gunshot and he was on the ground. I just stood there, shocked. I knew Hedrak didn’t shoot him.”

“Who did?”

She pursed her lips in a tight line, “Sloane sent a sniper to trail me and make sure I completed the job. He shot the kid as he ran away. He didn’t even have the decency to just kill him with one shot.” She shook her head, “He was just laying there and screaming. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t save him. The asshole shot him in the back and was going to leave him for dead.”

Jaal reached forward and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. She hadn’t even realized that she had teared up. She hadn’t heard how her voice got thick with emotion. His hand tightened over hers.

“I did what I had to. I made it quick.”

An arm went around her shoulder and drew her closer. After a moment’s hesitation, Emma rested her head on Jaal’s shoulder. There was the buzzing again. It made her go slack against him and she let out a breath. She couldn’t find it in herself to hate the comfort he was giving her. Or hate the closeness. She couldn’t shut him out. And frankly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

“I am sorry.” He sounded sincere when he whispered those words into her hair.

“Sloane is a trash human being. The second camp didn’t even have any Roekkar.”

“It didn’t?”

“No, it was an Angaran settlement. She wanted the mine they were near and they wouldn’t let her have access. She wanted me to kill a group of innocent people for her own means.” She spat.

Jaal stiffened underneath her head.

“I refused. I shot her sniper and left him in the Badlands and then went to see her. I told her I wanted the payment for the first camp and then a fee for lying to me.”

“Did she?”

“Have you met Sloane?” She tilted her head to look up at him, “She said she wouldn’t pay me because I didn’t finish the job and I killed one of her best. So, I broke her nose.”

He chuckled, “She did not retaliate?”

“She tried. I fought my way out her headquarters and to her surprise I won that fight and a few bruises.” She paused and averted her eyes, “Then I hacked her network and stole enough credits to cover the job…and enough to send to the family of the kid. It’s in a hidden account until I can find his family.”

“Did you know his name?”

“There was a name scratched into his armor. I think maybe it was his last name. I have it saved on my omnitool.”

“I will help you locate them.”

“You will?”

“Of course.”

“I…thank you Jaal.”

“Is that why Sloane put the bounty on you? Because you stole the credits?”

She nodded, “I already hurt her pride when I punched her. Her nose was twice its size and her eyes were purple for days. Stealing from her just sealed how much she hated me. And clearly underestimated my threat level.”

 “I can imagine. You are a sight to behold when you fight.”

“How do you mean?”

“It’s raw and profound. You fight with everything you have and fiercely protect others.”

“I do?”

She felt a burst of static up her arms.

“I have not forgotten the way you took a hit for me while fighting the exalted Krogan.”

He was closer than before. She was already leaning on his shoulder, but somehow, he was much more of a presence than before. His cheek was pressed against her hair. The hand that wasn’t covering hers, was wrapped around her stomach. She was hyperaware of his touch and the way his voice deepened. It was starting to get warm. Her skin was flushed and starting to turn pink.

_Oh no._

_This can’t be happening._

“I’ve asked Ryder if we could go to Aya.” He broke the comfortable silence.

“What’s Aya?”

“It’s an Angaran home world. I would like to show it to you.”

“Are you from there?”

“I am from Havarl. I was stationed on Aya when Ryder landed his ship while it was on fire.”

She chuckled, “Yeah, that sounds like Scott.”

“Would you like to see it?” He sounded hesitant this time.

Emma leaned forward so she could turn her head and look at him. He looked so sincere in his hope that she would say yes. Even if she wanted to say no, which she didn’t, there was no way she could.

“I’d love to.”

The smile he gave her, made her feel like her stomach was stuck in her throat. She leaned back on him so he couldn’t see the way her face flamed under his gaze. His arm wrapped back around her, keeping her close to his side.

_Boy was she in trouble_.

 


	16. The First Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is as late as it was. I fell into a another fandom (a.k.a I dove headfirst) and got a little disorganized as I started another fic. Seriously. I have a problem. XD 
> 
> This chapter is not super long, but next is Aya in all it's glory and I'm super excited about it. If you're still reading thank you so much! I appreciate you.

It was late or early. Emma wasn’t sure which at this point. Once again, she wasn’t sleeping. She had stopped trying to get comfortable on the couch an hour ago. Now she was sitting on the floor of the meeting room with datapads and clothes scattered around her. All of her clothes had smelled. She had teared up when they got back on the Tempest. And of course, Jaal was there. He hadn’t even asked, he had just taken the clothes and dumped them into the laundry chute. They smelled okay now, but she still felt like they would smell if she put them on.

Getting her things from the villa had reminded her how little she had. Some of her clothes were from the milky way and she considered them special. Her bow was about the only material item she had. It was sad. Most people brought trinkets, photos, etc. But not her. Emma sighed and leaned back, resting her head on the couch cushions. The datapad that she had been holding shifted in her lap.

It was the last important step. The last thing that would cement her place on the Tempest. The interface flickered at her dauntingly. It was the last gift Alec had given her. Maybe it was time to accept it. Her finger hovered over the upload button.

_You can’t run from everything._

She let out a breath. It was time to be Emma Ryder. There wasn’t going back now. She pressed the upload button.

“Do you think I made the right choice SAM?” She murmured.

She wasn’t one to speak to the AI. In fact, he mostly remained quiet around her to keep her at ease. It was strange. His consideration of her was so human. Maybe it was time to embrace him and embrace that he was a part of her now.

“You were always Emma Ryder. This is just paperwork.”

His answer was so succinct, but it made her feel loads better. She huffed in quiet laughter. He was right. Emma set the datapad off to the side. It was done. There was just the matter of the other ones. The ones with videos and charts and reports on her and the others. She was still too afraid to look at them. She didn’t want to do it alone. She gathered them all and placed them back in the lockbox. They could just stay in there under the couch for now.

Her clothes were still another matter. She didn’t think Scott would appreciate her just leaving clothes everywhere. There was also the problem of what she was going to wear on Aya. She was excited to see a planet that wasn’t Kadara. According to reports it had a tropical climate. Could she wear shorts? Were the angara opposed to legs? Jaal had seen her half-naked many times and never complained. She pulled a pair of denim shorts from the clothes pile. She pressed to fabric to her nose to reassure herself that they were clean, they didn’t smell.

The day cycle lights kicked on. She looked at her omnitool. It was seven in the morning according ship time. Were they close to Aya? She tossed the shorts onto the couch behind her and grabbed a random shirt from the pile. Standing up she moved the rest of the clothes pile beside the couch with her foot.

“SAM, how long until we get to Aya?”

She hadn’t heard anybody up and moving, which was surprising at this time in the morning, so she pulled her sleep shirt off and kicked off her sweats. She glanced over the railing to make sure the coast was clear.

“We will arrive at Aya in 2 hours.”

Emma quickly switched out her undergarments before she pulled her shorts on, “Thanks SAM.”

“You are welcome Emma.”

She had grabbed a tank top. Were tank tops okay? Damn she should have asked. Oh well. If she needed to change then she needed to change. She tossed her hair up in a ponytail. It was starting to touch the middle of her back. Maybe it was time for a cut. Just a little one. Emma grabbed her dirty clothes to toss them down the chute on her way to the kitchen.

Shockingly, there were no sounds from the tech lab. Normally Jaal was awake already and if he wasn’t she would hear his god-awful snoring still. She paused as she passed the lab. There was still nothing. Maybe he was in the kitchen already. Just as she started moving the door opened and he stepped out. For once, he looked startled to see. She turned to greet him and he moved in her view so she couldn’t see into the tech lab.

Emma raised a brow, “Good morning Jaal.”

He cleared his throat, “Good morning Emma.”

He sounded nervous. Emma moved closer to him and he actually recoiled a little. He wasn’t looking her in the eye. The door shut behind him and he let out a small sigh of relief. What exactly was he hiding in there? She pointed to the door.

“What’s in there?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re hiding something.”

“I-“

Emma moved like she was going to go for the door and he moved with her. He really wasn’t going to let her see whatever it was. The lock turned from green to red.

“Sorry Emma. Pathfinder’s orders.” SAM intoned from the speaker.

“What the hell is in there that I can’t see it?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“A surprise?”

“Yes…for you.”

“Me?”

“It’s nothing bad. It’s just not finished yet.”

She was floored, “I…um…I’m just not used to surprises, for me.”

“I was worried about that, but Scott assured me you would like it.”

“Okay, I won’t peek then. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

She ducked to hide the small blush that colored her cheeks. She wasn’t lying when she said she wasn’t used to surprises. She wasn’t used to people doing things for her period, but since being on the Tempest that had started to change. It was a welcome change. To be a part of something, was miles better than being alone.

Jaal followed her down the ladder to the kitchen. After getting rid of her dirty clothes she made a beeline for the coffee machine. She felt Jaal’s eyes on her as she measured the coffee and water. They were getting low. Maybe she could get in touch with people and procure some. Supplies were running low and it would take a while to plant and harvest crops. If they could be even be sustained. She could live without it, but she really didn’t want to. She turned the pot on to brew and took a seat next to Jaal.

Drack was the only other person in the kitchen. It was quiet except for when he grumbled at the stove. He was probably cooking more powdered eggs and mystery meat that somehow tasted like sausage. Emma wasn’t one to question it. It tasted good enough.

She leaned towards Jaal, “So what is there to do on Aya?”

“Drink.” Drack grunted.

Jaal laughed, “You can drink at the Tavetaan. There is also the market, resistance headquarters, the gardens, the museum, the waterfall...”

Emma perked up, “Waterfall?”

“Yes, it empties into a stream. I can take you there if you like. It’s a popular swimming spot.”

Emma squirmed a little in her chair. How long had it been since she went swimming? She loved the water, but Kadara wasn’t exactly optimal for swimming unless she liked getting her skin melted off. Jaal noticed her excitement and smiled gently.

“I will take you then.”

Scott shuffled into the kitchen, still yawning, his hair sticking up in all directions. She turned towards him while he stopped in front of the coffee pot. Slowly, he grabbed his coffee mug and set to work adding sweetener and creamer. Scott was a little less of a morning person than she was. He turned around and leaned on the counter.

“No coffee until you see Lexi.”

She scoffed, “Why not?”

“You’ve avoided her for days. She wanted me to remind you that you need an exam as an official unofficial crew member.”

Emma raised an eyebrow, “As a what?”

“I’m too tired to repeat it. You’re here, but we’re not telling anyone. I don’t even know how I’d explain it.”

“You could always explain that I’m Alec Ryders third child with excellent military training. Just leave out the psionic stuff.”

“There isn’t even a third child on file.” Scott flopped down into the booth next to her.

Emma stared down at the table, “There is now.”

That woke him up. Even Drack stopped grumbling long enough to look at her.

“What do you mean?” Scott spoke carefully.

“I uploaded my file which includes my adoption papers.” Her voice was quiet to match the silence of the kitchen.

Thankfully, Jaal’s quick thinking saved Emma’s chair from falling backwards as Scott launched himself at her. She scarcely had time to think before his arms were around her. Still surprised, she patted him awkwardly on the arm.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

Scott pulled back, “For you? It is.”

He let her go and leaned back in the booth. Somehow his coffee had not been disturbed in the process. She knew he would probably be happy, she had just slightly underestimated how much.

“This is great Emma.

Now I can tell you as your Pathfinder to go see Lexi.”

She scoffed, “Really? You’re excited you can tell me what to do?”

“Absolutely. Now go. Before she comes and gets you.”

“Fine, but I want coffee when I get back.”

“We can negotiate.”

She rolled her eyes, but got up to leave anyways. She could bear the visit with Lexi. Hopefully, it wouldn’t take long. She was excited to see Aya and what it had to offer.

Lexi was waiting in the med bay patiently. She didn’t even move when Emma walked in ready to deal with whatever line of questioning she had. Lexi’s mouth was twisted in a slight frown as she stared at scans.

“How are you feeling?” She finally asked as Emma slid onto the table.

“I feel okay?”

“Any dizziness, lightheadedness, headaches?”

She shrugged, “I’ve had a few headaches, but I get those normally.”

Lexi nodded and added notes to her tablet, “SAM sent me the information from the Salarian ark. When you used your power, there was an unusual spike of gamma rays.”

“Gamma rays? Like radiation?”

 Lexi nodded, “Sort of. When humans release gamma waves it is usually in a state of deep sleep or hyper self-awareness. Even then, the amount is small.”

“I take it mine aren’t.”

“You’d be right. I’ve never heard of a human having this much gamma wave activity. When you spiked, what was happening?”

Emma fidgeted on the table, “The first time I was having a panic attack. Scott snapped me out of it and it just…was happening.”

Lexi nodded, “And the second time?”

“The second time I was attacked by the exalted krogan. I panicked.”

“So, both times you were in a stress response.” Lexi sat down on a stool across from her.

Emma wasn’t sure what it meant, but Lexi looked like she was closer to understanding.

“Doctor T’Perro, if I may?” SAM spoke up.

“Go ahead SAM.”

“Emma was experiencing a stress response both times while experiencing the gamma wave activity. Perhaps it tricked the nanites into believing she was hurt and reacted accordingly.”

Lexi’s eyes lit up, “So, they were too busy looking for an injury to properly suppress her brain activity.”

“Correct.”

“That’s incredible. I’ll need more scans and research. If I can put together a better profile I can better understand your biology and how the nanites work in tandem with your bodily functions.” Lexi sounded incredibly excited.

Emma inwardly groaned. Aya was almost right outside those doors and Lexi wanted to poke and prod at her. A whole new planet was within her grasp. It was why she came to Andromeda, hell why she even joined the damn military in the first place, and she was going to miss it. Lexi didn’t miss the way Emma’s gaze kept flitting towards the doors or the way she fidgeted on the table. Of course, Emma would not be as excited as she was about the discovery.

“We can hold off on the scans until we leave Aya,” Lexi sighed, “However, you are not cleared to participate in any missions until you have an official physical. Agreed?”

Emma grinned, “Agreed.”

With a nod of her head, Lexi dismissed Emma. Emma hopped off of the table and walked back into the hallway. It had been a long time since she felt this excited. Jaal was waiting for her in the hall, with her usual cup of coffee. Without her really noticing, it had become sort of a routine for them. It was nice and warm and made Emma’s heart thump in her chest. She would have to get that last part under control. She was definitely not ready for anything like that. Yet, it didn’t stop her arm from brushing against his and small burst of energy that followed. It was hard to tell whether it was from him or from her.

Jaal smiled down softly at her and cleared his throat, “There is also someone I would like you to meet. If you are up for it of course.”

That piqued her interest, “Oh? Who?”

“The Moshae. She is my former teacher and a revered scientist,” He hesitated, “I told her a little about you and how I can feel your bioelectricity.”

He fell silent, waiting her response. What was her response? The word scientist already made her shoulders stiffen. Was it just someone else who would treat her as an experiment instead of a person? Or was it someone who could provide answers? Could she trust them? Could she trust that Jaal clearly did? Emma felt like she was on the precipice of a leap of faith. A part of her wanted to jump, but a part of her was still so damn scared.

_If you’re too scared to live, then they win._

Emma’s grip on her cup tightened, “I’ll meet her.”

Jaal let out a breath, looking relieved. Emma just hoped she wouldn’t regret it. Every part of her wanted to be able to trust the crew. She wanted to trust that they weren’t here to exploit her. They could be friends, maybe even more. Maybe they could even be a family. This was the first step.

“The other angara will be able to feel you as well,” Jaal reached out and brushed a stray piece of hair back from her face, “They will be curious.”

Oh. She hadn’t thought about that. Which was stupid, she should have expected it by now. That was panic inducing. Would they all try to talk to her? Touch her? She knew so little of his people and their culture. Jaal touched her cheek lightly. It drew her gaze upwards to meet his. His eyes were always so calming.

“I’ll be with you Emma.” He reassured her.

Leaps of faith seemed less terrifying if Jaal was there to catch her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to point out any typos!

**Author's Note:**

> All kudos, comments, and bookmarks are loved! I hope you guys enjoyed this update.
> 
> You should totally come hang out with me on [Tumblr!](https://wickedwitchofthewilds.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> If you want to know what kind of music I listen to while writing this then check out my playlist: [Before I Sleep](https://open.spotify.com/user/1270597482/playlist/3U9AQRVB875KtXJAWiPAOM?si=lQfPhWytRNSQ2KYt1TfBnQ)


End file.
